Dealing with temper tantrums

[Inspired by Reggio]

Wow ~ ya that behavior would not fly here I would be having a meeting with the clients and giving a 'time line' to get that child the anger management and impulse control skills needed to manage and be resilient in the program because if he does not master soon it will just 'escalate' and eventually someone will get hurt!

If mom is feeling at her whits end as well ~ I would looking to see what 'outside resources' are available in your community to point her towards for him ... are you in Ontario?

If so you could call your local Ontario Early Years Centre and see what workshops and parent resources they have for dealing with 'spirited children' and so forth and perhaps suggest that you and mom attend together so you are both getting the 'same' information, resources and ideas to create a shared plan to help this little dude learn to manage his anger/emotions in a more social acceptable behaviour.

Our Early Years centre have an awesome resource called 'Second Step' you can learn more about it here ...
http://www.promoteprevent.org/public...ion-curriculum

The preschool kit is awesome at helping open discussions and dialogue with children around mastering empathy, impulse control and anger management ~ I use this program and variations of it my program and I rarely have 'behaviour' with my group ... they are kind, gentle and supportive to each other and often able to resolve their conflict on their own with little aid from me.

Also highly recommend this book and the accompanying 'workbook' for any parent with a child who at 4 is still behaving like you are describing ~ Raising your Spirited Child' here is her website which also has some info on other books that she's had ~ the Power Struggles is also a very helpful one.
http://www.parentchildhelp.com/

Hope you can find some strategies to help him out soon ~ no one wants to work with a kid who has everyone eggshells that he will 'blow' at any minute ... and the fact that they have to throw water in his face at home to get him to stop leads me to believe that in some extent his 'behaviour' is working at home to get him what he wants otherwise he would not behave like that ... so if it is 'attention seeking' behaviour at home they need to stop giving him attention for behaving like that ~ aka everyone just 'walks away' and does not speak or talk to him or toss water at him until he has 'resumed control' on his own!