Decisions....

[Bookworm]

Okay ladies, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I have two brothers in my care. I've had them for a year now. Through this entire year, they have both taken turns biting other children in care. As of now, they both bite, but most of the time, it is a very rare thing. However, it seems that every once in a while they go, on what I like to term, "a biting frenzy". During these times, I am very hyper-vigilent (more so than I normally am with them), and don't allow them any room to get into a situation where they can bite. So far, in the past two days, they have bitten 3 times (2 of those times was them biting each other), and attempted several other times.They are shadowed and if I'm busy, put into a booster seat. When they aren't in their biting phase, I do allow them more freedom, and they are fine for a month or more, then it starts again.
Here's the thing. I'm sick and tired of having to do this with them. They usually bite over a toy or if they are excited etc. I try to limit altercations and I'm teaching them to use their words, but honestly, it makes me angry that I'm still having to do this a year later.
So, here's the thing. I really am thinking about terming them, but a part of me feels guilty for doing so. I can't do this however, without filling their spaces first. Is it fair of me to advertise, fill their spots and then give the family notice? Or should I be honest and tell them that I've had enough, and that I'm actively looking to fill their spots? The last time I had a spot open, it took me 6 months to find a good replacement. I really just don't want to have to wait that long.
Ugh, this is the part I hate. My husband wants me to keep them, so that we don't lose their income, but I think it is time to let them go...as obviously, I'm not getting through to them.

[gcj]

If you've made a decision, I think you have to look out for yourself. So, advertise, see what you get, then give them their notice. If you tell them ahead of time, your niceness could come back to bite you in the butt, and they might just pull them right out leaving you high and dry. Finding someone you're excited about taking on will also make the decision easier!

[bright sparks]

I advertise constantly whether I have a spot or not. You never know when a situation will present itself when a family with leave or you are forced to term and to have a constant stream of enquiries coming in that I can keep a record of enables me to have people in the wings wating for daycare. Yes theres a number of them who will have found alternative arrangements but it still gives me an option rather than being forced to keep children on when its not an ideal situation with limited options.

I wouldn't tell the family because they will likely drop you very quickly and then you are out of pocket and if you can't afford that then like you said, you should try to fill the spots first. It sounds like you are doing all you can and have great strategies in place. I personally want to thank you for making such a great effort to correct these behaviours. While I know we have to think in the best interest of all the children in our care to make sure they are safe, it still seems all to often on this forum do people post that they wouldn't have put up with it for a moment and would terminate immediatly. These kind of "acting out" behaviours are normal and won't be corrected unless the adults in the childs/childrens life work hard to find the route cause and correct it. How is this going to happen if every caregiver washes their hands all the time. I commend you as it seems you are a rarity and this family has been lucky to have you working so hard on the brothers behaviour. I imagine its highly likely that they are allowed to run riot at home and that the parents aren't keeping anywhere near as close an eye on monitoring and correcting this behaviour as you have been doing.

Good Luck filling the spots and make sure that in the meantime, you take a bit of extra time for yourself in order to manage your own needs during this stressful situation.

[BlueRose]

Look at it this way: Would the family tell you if they were looking for a new daycare? Answer: more then likely not. So I would not say anything at this point.

I would just advertise to see what is out, if a family or two comes alone that would work better then replace them. If not keep them.

[kidlove]

All you need to do is advertise now, keep them IF you can handle it (and IF no one is in danger of their biting) as long as you can go on until you fill the spot without too much stress or trouble, then keep the extra income flowing in. When you find the replacement, let them know you will have the spot available in two weeks, THEN give the biters two weeks notice. Nothing wrong with that. You just feel guilty because in doing so, you will be advertising behind the families back, so to speak and it makes you feel bad. (your a good person) but I have learned in this business, you need to think business first sometimes and put your heart on the back burner. Good Luck finding a replacement.

[Dreamalittledream]

You will be amazed at the sense of relief you will find once they're gone; can't imagine how hard this has been on you...and you will find that the group dynamic will change for the better too when everyone else isn't having to be 'on guard' all the time. Fortunately, you have understanding parents as well...I would be ticked if my child kept coming home with bites from another child.
And, after having worked so hard to try and solve the problem, try to be guilt free (easy for me to say, huh?) in your decision.

[kidlove]

I have only had one biter in almost 10 years and he and his brother were total stinkers otherwise as well, I didn't have any real time to get to know them or deeply care for them so letting them go was quite easy. However, I do feel that even if I had had more time to get to know them and grow fond of them, my ultimate decision would remain the same. (although harder to exicute) When the biter bit once, I informed the parents of both, the biter and the bitten. They both agreed that it was a one time event, the biters Mom said she would work with him at home (apparently he was violent there as well, biting hitting, pulling hair to get his way) and MORE IMPORTANTLY IMO, the bitten's Mommy said it was ok, I imformed to keep an eye on things and we went on. The second time he bit, I terminated the night of pick-up. My Mission in this business is to keep these children safe and well taken care of while in my care...I cannot successfully and honestly do that IF I choose to keep a child or any person around them who will jepoardise that statement. Sometimes to remove the problem is to terminate a child and I am willing to do that for the betterment of the majority.

[Bookworm]

Thanks ladies. I will advertise and see what I can come up with.
Dream...yes, I do have understanding parents, however 99% of the time they either bite each other or my son, so fortunatley for me I havent had to have that conversation too often. Unfortunately, my son has been their chew toy, although he isn't always innocent (he doesn't bite however).

[Momof4]

I was picturing Shark Week when you mentioned the 'biting frenzy'! That sounds like a horrible situation and you must never be able to relax or take your eyes off those boys. That must be stressful all day every day. Not a good situation for anybody.

Have you discussed the problem with the parents and are they helping their boys learn that biting is completely off limits and inappropriate? That's when it's a dealbreaker for me, when the parents are not addressing the issue at home so that the children learn the rules are the rules no matter where they go.

[JennJubie]

If you're still dealing with them biting after a year, I wouldn't feel bad about terminating. I had a situation not in daycare, but with a friends child where biting was a problem. Same thing, over a year of the behavior and no big improvement. This child ended up biting until he broke skin. My tolerance for biting is darn near zero.