Naptime tips desperately needed!

[Judy Trickett]

I don't understand how you think he is having a panic attack or afraid? He is obviously not afraid at night to just do down and go to sleep. He is manipulating you, plain and simple. He knows you are up and that there is stuff going on and he just doesn't want to miss it.

[gravy_train]

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to respond to this post and offer kind words, advice, and tips.
Judy - when I tried CIO a couple of months ago my son's cry was much different than anything I have ever heard before, even different from when I did night sleep training. He sounded like he couldn't catch his breath. He is a very easy-going baby who rarely cries and adapts very easily to all situations. What I am discovering is that perhaps he was still having separation anxiety as he was 11 months old at the time.
I did hours of research last night and have decided to try CIO with these two again and to adjust our routine a bit so that we are home for both morning and afternoon naps so they are not sleeping in the stroller.
This morning I put them down in separate rooms for a morning nap (my son in his crib and dcg in her playpen in a room by herself with blacked out window). both had white noise playing in their rooms.
DCG cried for 30 minutes, slept for 20 and cried for another 10 until I `woke`her up with our wake-up song. My son cried for 5 minutes and slept for the entire 55 until I `woke`him up with our wake-up song.
I`ll post again with an update of how this afternoon goes.

[gravy_train]

Thank you playfelt! On your advice I just dusted and mopped my kitchen floor during the morning naptime. It helped me tune out the crying a bit. I just posted an update saying that I decided to try CIO again. I am hoping now that my son is a bit older he will be able to grasp the lesson a bit more readily.
Normally we head outside in the mornings for a nice long walk and inevidably both babies fall asleep in the stroller (dcg just started walking this week), so i have adjusted our schedule so we stay inside until after morning nap and then we will go outside to play in the snow or something. If we can`t make it outside because of weather we will chase each other or dance or something else reall physical so they get nice and tired!! 3

[Crayola kiddies]

That's terrific gravy .... Sounds like a good start ..... Looking forward to the next update ; )

[daycarewhisperer]

I think you are way too invested in whether or not they sleep. They feed off of the energy you are putting out and it is confusing them and esclating them. Pick a time to lay them down and a time for them to get up. If they sleep they sleep. If they cry they cry. Just give them the TIME to do it and don't be invested into what they do during the time.

I think toddlers that age need privacy and time to themselves. They need a couple of good blocks of time every day to just be by themselves and sleep, talk, cry, coo whatever. They need a break from the adults and the other kids. I would give them some privacy for about 1.5 hours in the morning and 2.5 hours in the afternoon. Let them freely decide what to do during that time and don't interfere. Just make sure they are safe, have a full belly, and warm.

You are always going to have children who don't agree with what you want them to do or what you think is best for them. It comes with parenting and child care. It's OKAY for them both to protest and express their own feelings. We need MORE of that in our lives. We need kids to learn to express their little feelings without an adult interfering in it or changing it by our own actions.

Do what YOU think is right and don't worry about the opinion of a toddler. They are babies and they don't know what is best for themselves. Giving them the decision will always lead to chaos. We are their leaders and we know best. Have confidence in your schedule. Have confidence in your care.

[gravy_train]

As promised, here's an update of how our afternoon nap went yesterday.
DCG - cried for about 20-30 minutes, slept for 40-50 and cried for the rest of naptime.
DS - cried for almost 2 hours :-( napped for 45 minutes. DS also woke up twice through the night last night, which hasn't happened in months.
I'll let everyone know how today goes.
Again, thank you to everyone whO has taken the time to offer advice and support. You have no idea how much more optimistic I feel knowing that I have a community of experts to go to for things like this.

[kidlove]

good for you gravy for sticking to the plan. It's so much easier to give in and give the child what they think they need. Like whisper said....we know whats best for the little ones, not them. It really is a rarity in this day and age to have a parent follow through on what is right rather than give in for the ease of it! although a little stressful especially with your own child, listening to their cry during certain times of the day, like nap time. It needs to happen, otherwise you enable them to manipulate any situation which can become a very bad habit later in life. stick to it! your doing a great job! nothing wrong with a little cry. my mom always said...."helps their lungs"

[gravy_train]

I just wanted to post another update to my napping situation in case any other providers turn to this thread for advice or help with naptime woes.
I am very, very happy to say that I have been sticking with a very strict naptime routine since my original post. Our naptime is at exactly the same time everyday, I sing the same 'naptime' song, read the same books and put the kids to bed in the same order every naptime. Today they have all been sleeping for 1.5hours. DCG just woke up - I can hear her chatting, and I will go in when she gets louder (which she will, she is my 'screamer') and gently remind her to 'shhh' for her friends, close the door and leave her until nap/quiet time is up!
The trick with my DS is to put him in his crib and I just sit in the chair until he falls asleep. I don't engage him in any way - I don't talk to him, look at him, nothing - I just sit in the room. When I first did it it took him about 25 minutes to fall asleep. Now it takes him less than 5 minutes!
When i originally posted I was really struggling with how to cope with the constant screaming/crying and not getting a break. Today, I am so happy to report that during my break I was able to email some friends, enjoy a cup of tea, do a load of laundry and tidy up the lunch dishes all with a quiet, relaxed ambiance because everyone was sleeping! YAY!!!

[Crayola kiddies]

Glad to hear gravy .... Isn't silence wonderful ??!!??!? .... Be proud that you stuck to it ; )

[Momof4]

I'm happy to hear that you have figured out the right methods for your group and your home. It's different for each of us but parents are always asking me how I get their child to sleep every day when they can't get them to sleep on weekends. My answer is always the same: routine. I think that's what you have discovered is the key too.