Naptime tips desperately needed!

[gravy_train]

I am a new daycare provider and I am really struggling with naptime. Right now I have a 14 mo dcg and my own 13 month old son. Neither one of them will nap unless I lay down with them! My son is a great sleeper at night - he goes in his crib awake, barely makes a peep and sleeps for 10-12 hours. But when I put him in his crib during the days he loses his mind. On the advice of others I tried letting him cry it out and after about four weeks of heartwrenching cries I put an end to it. He literally sounds like he is having a panic attack and can't catch his breath. I know there are people on this forum who will say that naptime isn't negotiable And not to let the kid 'win', but I am simply not comfortable with him being afraid for any length of time when I know that he will sleep for 2-3 hours if I am beside him. Also I should add that naptime isn't negotiable here either but a 13 and 14 month old can't comprehend those words so I need some techniques and advice do that I can show them:-)oh one more thing, if my little guy does happen to cry himself to sleep in his crib he wakes up after 20minutes and I am not about to go through the entire 1ish hour CIO i
Nightmare again.
Next I have 14mo dcg who screams for a solid 30-40 minutes when I put her in her playpen. She sleeps for about 20-30 minutes and wakes up screaming again. If my little guy happens to have fallen asleep these screams wake him up.
In the next few months I have four new dck starting (a 2 yo next week!) and I am literally having panic attacks about how this is all going to look when I have a full house. I have a queen sized mattress on the floor in one of my rooms so thought I would start to solve the problem by laying down with the children and getting them into a solid nap routine, (yesterday and today they have both napped for 3 hours - they're still napping). Once I have them wanting to nap, I will start reducing the time I lay with them and eventually transition them onto cots.
I feel like a bit of a failure As a provider but I really can't handle the 1-2 hours of crying with the CIO method and I feel like this is a more gentle approach. Dcg parents are very supportive And are on board for whatever works best for me.
I would love any advice, information, book recommendations, words of encouragement ;-) that anyone could offer. Thanks :-)

[gravy_train]

Sorry for the typos, I'm on my phone!

[playfelt]

What if you just sit on the mat with them and not lay with them. You move to each and genty push them back down when they try to stand up. Mostly if we can get the kids to stay laying down they fall asleep. Too many getting up times and they get themselves so overtired they just can't settle.

I would be afraid of laying down and falling asleep myself if I was having an exhausting day and you don't have the security of having them in playpens where they would be safe.

Some parents might not like the idea of them all sleeping together since we are supposed to keep bedding separate etc.

[gravy_train]

Oh shoot I just typed this big reply and it disappeared! Thank you, playfelt for your thoughts! I feel like I am at my wit's end especially because I have a new friend joining us on Monday! Me laying with them has to be a very short term solution because I have to be able to get up, walk around, have a cup of tea, etc. another thought that just popped into my head is that I could get the 14 mo and 2 yo to lay on their mats and I could wear my 13 mo in my carrier.
My dcg will stay on her mat, and the 2 yo is apparently a great sleeper at daycare and home (the mom is a friend of mine so I trust her), but my own son will not do well on a mat by himself just yet and like I said, he completely loses it during naptime in a playpen or in his crib (I have tried both). In his stroller or in my arms he is a great sleeper. I'm just so frustrated because I have 2 bad nappers, both still quite young and only 2 hands!! Haha!

[Momof4]

I use playpens. When I have a new child I put them in a separate room and I sit beside them and make sure they learn that they have to lay down and stay laying down and there is no other option. I might miss out on most of my breaktime for a week or several weeks depending on the stubbornness of the child but it's worth the effort.

I've had all 5 children falling asleep at the same time for years now. Right now my group all fall asleep within a couple minutes of each other when I lay them in their beds and tuck them in. It's wonderful.

[gravy_train]

Thanks for your thoughts, momof4. What would you do with 2 who aren't napping? I couldn't be beside both of them... Tried for about two weeks goin back and forth every 15 minutes but the crying just escalated and after that time I noticed no difference...

[Crayola kiddies]

It seems as though you have not prepared your son for daycare ..... I tell my families their child must be able to go to sleep without being rocked. This is something my families begin working on several weeks before starting care(if its going to be an issue) I also tell them not to take the child in the stroller to nap as this is akin to rocking. I had a child starting last year that would only sleep in the swing and she put a stop to that and by the time she started with me she was going to bed on her own no problem. I had another one start last fall that would only go to sleep after being nursed obviously she had to put a stop to that. It seems as though you have created a situation where he has not yet learned to self soothe. I would put a fan or some sort of white noise in his room as well as all the other kids rooms and let him CIO .... When he wakes up leave him there till nap time is over. It's tough love and yes I had to do it with two of my kids but it is a skill he needs to learn. Because he is older its going to be harder but it can be done and you have to do it on weekends too in order to keep the consistency ....You cant be laying down with kids to go to sleep especially when you have four more starting in the near future. Sorry if I sound harsh.

[Momof4]

You are not a failure gravytrain. You do have to show these children that you are in charge. If they are in playpens I guess I would try again letting them cry it out until they exhaust themselves. I wouldn't go in and out of the rooms and back and forth. You are exhausting yourself.

Can you put them together in the same room in playpens and sit beside both of them? Speak sternly to them, not sweetly, so they know you mean what you say. It's time for some tough love if you've tried everything else.

Definitely find some books or articles that teach about good sleeping habits and talk to the parents. Babies at this age need 12-14 hours of sleep within a 24 hour period. So they should be sleeping 10-12 hours at night and they will have a good 2 hour nap. If they are sleep deprived at night and they fight sleep with their parents the same way they do it with you, then you have a huge problem. Get the parents on board to help you out or you will have grounds for termination. I don't continue unless the parents are working with me to solve problems.

[gravy_train]

Thanks for your advice, Crayola. CIO is one method of sleep training and one that parents and caregivers must be comfortable with. I appreciate what you're saying but I really don't think one method necessarily works for all kids.
I actually consulted an infant sleep specialist in October as my son started waking through the night several times after months of sleeping, well.. like a baby ;-). She suggested that we ensure that he gets his two naps per day any way possible - whether we hold him, lay with him, etc. as over tiredness is often a contributor to frequent night waking. We also use white noise and have dark curtains do he has no extra stimulation. I followed her advice and within three weeks my son has been sleeping 10-12 hours per night without incident. We recently went on a family trip and he continued his good sleeping habits there as well. I hadn't planned on opening my daycare until after Christmas, so thought I would have time to work on the naps, however I met a really nice family needing daycare and I took their child on mid November. So you can see, the nap issue isn't for lack of wanting to prepare him for daycare, it's just that all of a sudden everything happened very quickly and now here I am, with two little ones who don't know how to nap.

[gravy_train]

Momof4 - thanks! I like the idea of having them in playpens beside each other.