Biting and hitting

[kelleyg19]

HELP! My son who is 18 months old is consently hitting, biting and pinching a new little boy who is 22 months. The new boy always hits and kicks my son. They are constantly fighting over the toys. What can I do to get the boys stopping hitting biting and pinching? Please help! Thanks

[Bookworm]

You need to stay on top of both of them and be consistent. Shadow the boys and see what triggers them. If they are fighting over a toy, stop them before it gets physical and take the toy away so that no one gets to play with it. Explain to them that if they continue to fight over toys then you will take them away and no one gets to play with them. If you cant keep your eyes on them, then they need to be put in a playpen or a highchair so they can't bite or hit each other. They will learn that until they can play nicely, they have to be seperated.

[kidlove]

i would start by sitting on the floor with them and encourage positive play, have them give the ball and say thankyou, your welcome. Have them share, take turns, toss to one another...the more you role play with them the more they will pick up a more positive form of being together. Sounds like your son may be envious or bent out of shape over this guy in your home with his toys and his mom. Do you have his stuff seperate from daycare? what do you do with him when he acts this way? do you get after him, firm words? remove him or encourage a more productive response? when he bites and hits the other boy do you show concern for that boy in front of him and teach him it hurts?

[kidlove]

I have always had the offender apolegize and give a hug after hurting someone. and if a child takes a toy from another, I will make that child return to the child they took from and give it to them, if they can speak I will inform the child they need to say they are sorry too.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Yup I agree with the other ladies ~ consistent and clear expectations that is not acceptable behavior, role modeling of socially acceptable alternatives and language they can learn to use both in the moment to resolve the conflict and during 'other times' of the day just practicing how to play properly.

I personally do not make children say 'sorry' because IME it just becomes a word that means nothing ~ in centre care what I saw when this was regular practice after poor behavior to say 'sorry' was that children just started to think I can behave however I want as long as I say SORRY and it would often take on that 'tone' of them not truly meaning it at all you know that SoREEEEEEEE

For me actions speak louder than words ~ I want them to SHOW ME they have learned their lesson on not to do this so what I prompt is 'Wow that really hurt Sally ~ what do you think you can do to help Sally feel better about what just happened' and see what they decide to do make amends and make sure they check with Sally that it WILL make amends ~ some will give a hug, or say sorry or give a high five or let them have a longer with the turn the toy they were fighting over and as they get older they will add 'I will try harder to use my words next time instead of hitting so I do not hurt Sally in the first place' and so forth ... to truly learn remorse and making amends.

I also love puppets ~ sometimes if I have a child struggling with a social skill I will have two puppets 'misbehave' in play in the manner the child has been misbehaving and talk to the child about 'wow should they be doing that?" 'what else can they do' ... if they are not old enough to TALK I will still play this game but will provide the 'answers' to the questions and walk through behavior modification with the puppets to help the kid SEE /HEAR and thereby practice BETTER conflict resolution skills.

[daycarewhisperer]

I don't do sorry words with kids. It makes the adults feel like they have done something but it does nothing for the kids. Sorry is a complicated concept and shouldn't be introduced to little kids. They can start to understand remorse when they are old enough to have universal thinking which is ime around five.

I would. completely separate these two here. I dont have any hitting, biteing, or fighting in my program. I have a violence free program so this behavior would put my business at risk. Two toddlers playing together wouldnt be worth the risk of upsetting the group and my clients.

[Harmoni]

I dont have any hitting, biteing, or fighting in my program. I have a violence free program so this behavior would put my business at risk. Two toddlers playing together wouldnt be worth the risk of upsetting the group and my clients.

Hi, this might be a silly question...but what is a violence free program?? Are we not all, violence free childcare providers?

[Inspired by Reggio]

....Are we not all, violence free childcare providers?

What you do not have a boxing corner where they can duke it out or a wrestling 101 classes for toddlers to perfect their pinning?

[daycarewhisperer]

Hi, this might be a silly question...but what is a violence free program?? Are we not all, violence free childcare providers?

It means we don't have hitting, fighting, biteing, bullying AT ALL. The last time a child bit in my house was 19 years ago. That was the first and last time it happened in my twenty years.

My kids do not harm each other in ANY way. I advertise this as a part of my business. I use it as a huge selling tool when I'm interviewing prospective clients. I stand by it and year after year we accomplish it. 100 percent of my clients can verify that whether they are a year into being here or an eight year veteran that their child has never hit or been hit. Their child has never bit or been bitten. They have never been pushed, shoved, kicked or had a single physical assault. Not one... never. None of the children have ever witnessed another child hitting, biteing, fighting, ever. None of the children hit their parents or get physical in ANY way with their parents. And you can take to the bank that never a one of them have ever raised a hand to me. Not once in my 34 years of child care.

When I interview clients I ask them to ask these specific questions to the parents they choose to give references. When I give references I give the entire day care of clients and clients who have left the child care. I make sure the parents have access to at least a decade of references.

That's violence free. Not the concept of violence free but the actual outcome of completely free of violence.

[kidlove]

although I have NO room for biting in my program, I do stand back and allow children to work out their diferences (with in reason) on their own before I interfere. I dont often get two kids that down right hit or hurt one another, but every once in a while there is a push or grab of a toy and I will not remove the toy or seperate the children right away, I will stand back and see if they can work it out first, IF things go too far, I will intervene but ONLY if required. I want to give the children a chance to figure out their problems for themselves. If I model the appropriate behavior a time or two, "give the toy back, and appoligize" or "take a turn" or "say sorry and give a hug", I will stand back and observe the behavior when issues arise, and they usually work it out based on what example or suggestion had been set/made in the past.