Attachment to Objects

[kidlove]

although i do feel for her emotions and its sweet that she gets upset over the loss of things she has come to feel "fond" of,, I do agree with whisper and say you need to give her 'no choice" in the area of things you know better about. New car?....she will get to "love" the new one as much as she thinks she "loves" the old. And whether or not she does have the attachment to things or it is a control over what "she wants" yet....she will learn she has control with these excuses and use it later, if not already. Not to mention, even if this is the begining of something bigger, like hording or what not, IF you give in to her cries for keeping things and "loving" things, you will only feed into the developement of some siller disorder later in life. I say go with whisper, and give her no choice, she is not the adult you are. you dont need to be harsh about it, just matter of factly inform her, the toy is old and not played with and it IS going to the goodwill, or the car is getting older and Daddy and I have decided to get a new one. PERIOD! no further conversation, she needs to know she does not make the choices and it's ok for things to come and go in life!!! good luck. Sounds cute now, but if not handled proper..could become an issue later in life.

[mimi]

I understand her wanting to keep certain toys and clothes as I mentioned why previously. For other items perhaps pick two things and ask her to help pick one to donate. I am not going to pin a hoarder lable on her at all, however this is the treatment they do with some who do hoard.

[Calgarymom]

I purchased some toddler toys from kijiji over the weekend from a few different houses. At each the child came to see what was happening and then burst into tears when then realised that the toys were going - by the end of the day I felt horrible making all these children cry!!!! Not really got an answer just wanted you to know you are not alone!!!

[kidlove]

This is an oppertunity for your daughter to learn some very important life lessons, don't miss out on it. Just like with calgarymom's comment, it was a good time for that Mother to explain to the crying child.."how neat it is, that her toy (she didn't even play with any more) was going to go to a house filled with little kids that would love it and enjoy it! How nice to be able to share our things with others. I would also tell my child I was so proud of them for being willing to let those toys go to all those other kids, they say "thank you". and give her a big hug, for being so nice to others. lesson learned.

[playfelt]

To the OP I can see that you are concerned about your child's issues and they may very well be cause for concern. Fear of change is a real phenomenon. When a child or an adult for that matter measures their existence in terms of what stuff is around them then it is time to involve professionals to get to the real reason. It is partly a form of severe separation anxiety, partly a self-esteem issues ( I am the sum of my possesions), as well as under certain syndromes that involve mental health issues there are true instances where the child/adult can not handle change of any kind. They may actually need professional counselling to learn to let go and not be so rigid. If it was just her toys yes I understand that kids get possessive. But to fret over a napken - that she has only had for less than an hour at a restaurant or the family car indicates that it is time to speak to your doctor and express your concerns and ask for someone to advise you.

I get that you have to carry through and do things like trade the car and she will just have to get over it. But realize that her anxiety is real not pretend and needs to be considered and she needs to be given coping skills to handle it.

[mumstheword]

To the OP I can see that you are concerned about your child's issues and they may very well be cause for concern. Fear of change is a real phenomenon. When a child or an adult for that matter measures their existence in terms of what stuff is around them then it is time to involve professionals to get to the real reason. It is partly a form of severe separation anxiety, partly a self-esteem issues ( I am the sum of my possesions), as well as under certain syndromes that involve mental health issues there are true instances where the child/adult can not handle change of any kind. They may actually need professional counselling to learn to let go and not be so rigid. If it was just her toys yes I understand that kids get possessive. But to fret over a napken - that she has only had for less than an hour at a restaurant or the family car indicates that it is time to speak to your doctor and express your concerns and ask for someone to advise you.

I get that you have to carry through and do things like trade the car and she will just have to get over it. But realize that her anxiety is real not pretend and needs to be considered and she needs to be given coping skills to handle it.

YES, playfelt has the right idea.

Daycarewhisper- What you suggest could be very damaging to a child that is suffering from Anxiety and or OCD. They are both very real and can occur in children very young. Although attachments to objects can be very normal, they can also be of concern. If the child is suffering from anxiety or OCD, then TELLING them how to feel or think is only going to make the anxiety worse.
You said "You are petting an unstable mindset and she is getting worse. Take it over NOW and release her from this anxiety. She's begging you to do that but you don't see it." Taking OVER for someone does not "release" them from anxiety. It can actually cause more anxiety.

OP, It is impossible to tell through a post whether your daughter has anxiety or OCD but I would talk to your Dr. and perhaps have a referral to a Child Phyc. before deciding how to "handle" her attachments.

[daycarewhisperer]

YES, playfelt has the right idea.

Daycarewhisper- What you suggest could be very damaging to a child that is suffering from Anxiety and or OCD. They are both very real and can occur in children very young. Although attachments to objects can be very normal, they can also be of concern. If the child is suffering from anxiety or OCD, then TELLING them how to feel or think is only going to make the anxiety worse.
You said "You are petting an unstable mindset and she is getting worse. Take it over NOW and release her from this anxiety. She's begging you to do that but you don't see it." Taking OVER for someone does not "release" them from anxiety. It can actually cause more anxiety.

OP, It is impossible to tell through a post whether your daughter has anxiety or OCD but I would talk to your Dr. and perhaps have a referral to a Child Phyc. before deciding how to "handle" her attachments.

I dont agree. I woudn't assume the child has such a profound mental illness before trying the obvious corrections first. Whether she has a profound psychological disorder like ocd or not she shouldn't be invoved in decision-making like when something should ne purchased or sold. The parents should ne able to execute these things with zero input or involvement of a toddler. Mental illness or not, she is living in the real world and she is a very very young human who needs to be redirected immediately away from interjecting her self into adult matters.

try the obvious common sense solution for a significant amount of time and be prepared for a significant backlash as she is releasing her previous position and getting used to her rightful position as a toddler - preschooler who cant and SHOULDN'T be bothered by adult decisions and matters.

[Bookworm]

Thank you ladies for your input. I will continue to work on her with this, and hopefully it will pass soon.

[ladyjbug]

Oh, and I didn't "love" my napkins, so I am no use there. Don't take a picture of every napkin she drops, lol!

[Momof4]

Bookworm, don't let anybody lecture you or tell you how to react or that your concerns aren't valid. Of course they are! I'm sure your daughter is a very sweet, normal little girl who is going through a phase. Is this something new? Or has it been going on for a long time? Did anything change to start the behaviour, like a loved one or friend leaving? Maybe you had a big change in your family or in your daycare that affected her and now she's afraid of people or things leaving.

We have to remember that we don't think with the same mind as a 3 year old. I always try to get people to try to get to the root of problem from the perspective of the child because they can't rationalize problems the way an adult is able to do.

Can you donate her toys without her knowing about it? I'm sure you aren't going to donate her favourites. Can you get the new car with lots of excitement and not mention what's happeneing to the old car? Just a few ideas. It's perfectly normal for a child to have favourite blankets, toys, etc. Nothing strange at all about any of this.