Attachment to Objects

[playfelt]

To the OP I can see that you are concerned about your child's issues and they may very well be cause for concern. Fear of change is a real phenomenon. When a child or an adult for that matter measures their existence in terms of what stuff is around them then it is time to involve professionals to get to the real reason. It is partly a form of severe separation anxiety, partly a self-esteem issues ( I am the sum of my possesions), as well as under certain syndromes that involve mental health issues there are true instances where the child/adult can not handle change of any kind. They may actually need professional counselling to learn to let go and not be so rigid. If it was just her toys yes I understand that kids get possessive. But to fret over a napken - that she has only had for less than an hour at a restaurant or the family car indicates that it is time to speak to your doctor and express your concerns and ask for someone to advise you.

I get that you have to carry through and do things like trade the car and she will just have to get over it. But realize that her anxiety is real not pretend and needs to be considered and she needs to be given coping skills to handle it.

[giraffe]

You are petting an unstable mindset and she is getting worse. Take it over NOW and release her from this anxiety. She's begging you to do that but you don't see it.

At 3 years old her mind is still ruled by her emotions. It is developmentally NORMAL for the child to feel extreme emotions over things that seem insignificant to us.

[Fun&care]

Just wanted to say that my son went through this stage at that exact age. I think it's pretty normal. It didn't last too long and he outgrew it, but I remember kinda scratching my head at the time...you just need to repeat why you are getting rid of something ( it's broken, it doesn't work anymore etc) , and focus on all the things that ARE still good and that she CAN keep. I don't think it's a control thing at all. I think they are just learning that all things come to an end. Now my son has no problem going through his closet and getting rid of things.

[Bookworm]

Thank you ladies for your input. I will continue to work on her with this, and hopefully it will pass soon.

[daycarewhisperer]

At 3 years old her mind is still ruled by her emotions. It is developmentally NORMAL for the child to feel extreme emotions over things that seem insignificant to us.

I don't really see the age of three being more or less emotional than any other age group.

It's our JOB to show them what is and isn't significant.

When things like this come up, I reccomend just trying the simplest solution first. Tell her "no" and then tell her what you want to do. "No little Missy... you can't have the napkin that fell on the floor. Take this new napkin". Then be done and move on.

"No little Missy... Mommy and Daddy decide what car we will have."

It doesn't have to be harsh... or in a strict tone. Just tell her what you will and won't accept and to leave it at that. We have managed to complicate parenting so much in the last decade. It really makes me shake my head. We need to stop putting adult emotions onto kids and start telling them what we want and what we will accept. It's okay to stop this in its tracks now at the young age of three without having much fuss or muss.

[ladyjbug]

I was like this as a toddler/younger kid. I particularly remember how heartbroken I was when my family sold our van that I grew up in, but toys/clothes/books bothered me too. One thing my parents did that helped me was to take a picture of everything that they sold/gave away and put it in an dollar store album for me. If it was clothes, there was a picture of me when I fit the clothes. That way, I could "visit" with the memories of that item at any time, but they could still give it away. I kept it in my clothes drawer. Over time I put less and less of the pictures in there, but it helped me that I could look at it whenever I wanted. I ended up marrying someone who purges the house pretty regularly of junk, so I did eventually get over it!

[ladyjbug]

Oh, and I didn't "love" my napkins, so I am no use there. Don't take a picture of every napkin she drops, lol!

[Momof4]

Bookworm, don't let anybody lecture you or tell you how to react or that your concerns aren't valid. Of course they are! I'm sure your daughter is a very sweet, normal little girl who is going through a phase. Is this something new? Or has it been going on for a long time? Did anything change to start the behaviour, like a loved one or friend leaving? Maybe you had a big change in your family or in your daycare that affected her and now she's afraid of people or things leaving.

We have to remember that we don't think with the same mind as a 3 year old. I always try to get people to try to get to the root of problem from the perspective of the child because they can't rationalize problems the way an adult is able to do.

Can you donate her toys without her knowing about it? I'm sure you aren't going to donate her favourites. Can you get the new car with lots of excitement and not mention what's happeneing to the old car? Just a few ideas. It's perfectly normal for a child to have favourite blankets, toys, etc. Nothing strange at all about any of this.

[kidlove]

ladyjbug: i think what your parents did was a cute idea, I can just picture a little girl sitting on her bed and looking at all her favorite little outfits and toys of the past.
DeeDee: I think she really hit the nail on the head with the comment of "I got over it!" No matter how you choose to approach the situation, as long as you don't make TOO MUCH of her attachment, yet acknowledge her feelings, she will more than likely grow out of it just as the other ladies said. I don't think we should as parents walk around telling our kids "because I said so" and not giving them any room for input, but we should also not allow our kids to make decisions based on what they want or how they feel. (which I know you r not doing D) but a happy meet in the middle to let our kids be heard and also let them know we are incharge (because we know whats best for them) is a healthy approach. Nothing wrong with her getting upset over the car going or toys leaving the house, sit with her and talk to her (don't dwell) and then ...move on. you will find she is stronger than you may think, and will be on to something else the very next day. All people are different and we all cope in different ways, give her her room to deal. But for goodness sake...don't let her have the napkin off the dirty floor. JK

[mumstheword]

To the OP I can see that you are concerned about your child's issues and they may very well be cause for concern. Fear of change is a real phenomenon. When a child or an adult for that matter measures their existence in terms of what stuff is around them then it is time to involve professionals to get to the real reason. It is partly a form of severe separation anxiety, partly a self-esteem issues ( I am the sum of my possesions), as well as under certain syndromes that involve mental health issues there are true instances where the child/adult can not handle change of any kind. They may actually need professional counselling to learn to let go and not be so rigid. If it was just her toys yes I understand that kids get possessive. But to fret over a napken - that she has only had for less than an hour at a restaurant or the family car indicates that it is time to speak to your doctor and express your concerns and ask for someone to advise you.

I get that you have to carry through and do things like trade the car and she will just have to get over it. But realize that her anxiety is real not pretend and needs to be considered and she needs to be given coping skills to handle it.

YES, playfelt has the right idea.

Daycarewhisper- What you suggest could be very damaging to a child that is suffering from Anxiety and or OCD. They are both very real and can occur in children very young. Although attachments to objects can be very normal, they can also be of concern. If the child is suffering from anxiety or OCD, then TELLING them how to feel or think is only going to make the anxiety worse.
You said "You are petting an unstable mindset and she is getting worse. Take it over NOW and release her from this anxiety. She's begging you to do that but you don't see it." Taking OVER for someone does not "release" them from anxiety. It can actually cause more anxiety.

OP, It is impossible to tell through a post whether your daughter has anxiety or OCD but I would talk to your Dr. and perhaps have a referral to a Child Phyc. before deciding how to "handle" her attachments.