Attachment to Objects

[daycarewhisperer]

YES, playfelt has the right idea.

Daycarewhisper- What you suggest could be very damaging to a child that is suffering from Anxiety and or OCD. They are both very real and can occur in children very young. Although attachments to objects can be very normal, they can also be of concern. If the child is suffering from anxiety or OCD, then TELLING them how to feel or think is only going to make the anxiety worse.
You said "You are petting an unstable mindset and she is getting worse. Take it over NOW and release her from this anxiety. She's begging you to do that but you don't see it." Taking OVER for someone does not "release" them from anxiety. It can actually cause more anxiety.

OP, It is impossible to tell through a post whether your daughter has anxiety or OCD but I would talk to your Dr. and perhaps have a referral to a Child Phyc. before deciding how to "handle" her attachments.

I dont agree. I woudn't assume the child has such a profound mental illness before trying the obvious corrections first. Whether she has a profound psychological disorder like ocd or not she shouldn't be invoved in decision-making like when something should ne purchased or sold. The parents should ne able to execute these things with zero input or involvement of a toddler. Mental illness or not, she is living in the real world and she is a very very young human who needs to be redirected immediately away from interjecting her self into adult matters.

try the obvious common sense solution for a significant amount of time and be prepared for a significant backlash as she is releasing her previous position and getting used to her rightful position as a toddler - preschooler who cant and SHOULDN'T be bothered by adult decisions and matters.

[JennJubie]

I was like this as a toddler/younger kid. I particularly remember how heartbroken I was when my family sold our van that I grew up in, but toys/clothes/books bothered me too. One thing my parents did that helped me was to take a picture of everything that they sold/gave away and put it in an dollar store album for me. If it was clothes, there was a picture of me when I fit the clothes. That way, I could "visit" with the memories of that item at any time, but they could still give it away. I kept it in my clothes drawer. Over time I put less and less of the pictures in there, but it helped me that I could look at it whenever I wanted. I ended up marrying someone who purges the house pretty regularly of junk, so I did eventually get over it!

What a lovely idea!

[Momof4]

Daycarewhisperer, I can't keep this to myself because I really don't think it's very nice of you to tell our forum members that their children have mental illnesses. I highly doubt that is true.

Anyway, Ladyjbug, I agree that a photo album is a fantatic idea.

[daycarewhisperer]

Daycarewhisperer, I can't keep this to myself because I really don't think it's very nice of you to tell our forum members that their children have mental illnesses. I highly doubt that is true.

I didn't and I don't. Another poster brought up the possibility of anxiety disorder and OCD. Those are very serious mental disorders especially if diagnosed in such a very young toddler preschooler.

My point Is that I wouldn't deal with this behaviour under the assumption or fear that the baby is mentally ill. I would first go to the obvious simple response that the child needs to stop involving herself in adult decisions, the adults get to make decisions about what is kept and not kept, the things that are given away or sold need to be done right up front without considering how she will react, and telling her "no" and to "stop it" when she is interjecting herself into situations that are beyond her scope or overreacting when she doesn't get to have or keep stuff.

We don't have to walk around on eggshells with our babies. We are the adults and we decide. It's okay to go forward with parenting and be the leader and the one who decides. We don't have to make decisions on the very very low probability that a child/toddler/baby/preschooler is mentally ill. We can assume that they are behaving badly and say no to it.

[giraffe]

This post was never EVER about the OP letting the child decide on what object could, or could not be kept... it was about how to help the child learn to deal with her feelings about an object being thrown away or being re-homed.

[daycarewhisperer]

This post was never EVER about the OP letting the child decide on what object could, or could not be kept... it was about how to help the child learn to deal with her feelings about an object being thrown away or being re-homed.

My response was that the solution to it needed to be to let the child know that she ISN'T the one to decide what is to be kept or not kept. That's my reccomendation FIRST to help her learn to deal with her feelings.

First be clear that she doesn't have a dog in the fight. The decision isn't hers. She doesn't get input. She doesn't need to be involved. The adults decide.

Then when she interjects with her fussing then tell her "NO". Leave it and move on.

I realize the OP didn't say the child gets to decide but she did say they weren't being uprfont with the child and showing her they were going to get rid of stuff.

If the child is spiraling out of control with emotions over things then release her from it by making it clear that she doesn't get to decide and the behavior won't be tolerated. Try "no" first. Clear.... exact.. without hesitation....... without equivocation NO and butt out lil missy... we got this.

[SLD]

Bookworm, acknowledge her feelings. She's not interjecting herself into adult matters. She's expressing herself which in this day and age is acceptable. What isn't acceptable is going overboard. Tears aren't needed over a napkin, or a car, etc. I do agree with the overall idea of carrying on with what you need to do without much acknowledgement of her behavior. Deal with the behavior separately.

I'm curious, do tears etc. get her any sort of results any other time?

IF she is dealing with anxiety then ignoring it won't help. You can't "release her" from it. If that is what's going on, you will need to learn how to help her with it. I have a child with an anxiety disorder, ignoring his needs would be the absolute worst thing we could do. We did need to teach him that going to extremes wouldn't net results. We also needed to teach him that we were there to help him.. ignoring him/telling him we were the adults and would decide would have shown him the exact opposite. This came from a child psychologist, and I can tell you as his mom that simply telling him the grown ups would handle it only increased his anxiety. In his mind, he didn't believe we could handle it. It took years to get him through it, and honestly he still has issues.

Reassure her that it's okay to give away/sell the things you don't need anymore, then remind her that you would never get rid of something your family needs.

Good luck with it.