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  1. #1
    Shy
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    Paying for days I'm apparently not allowed to use?

    I find my self in a daycare situation..... I have been with my current daycare provider for ~18 months with no issues, I pay for full-time care Mon-Fri (7:30-4). I recently started a new work schedule (same hours) that gives me one day off a week (Mon) and instead I work on Saturday (my husband will be home so I' don't need care on sat). I told my daycare provider the news and said I would continue to pay for full-time care. I told her I wanted to have the option of dropping off my son for a half day if I had appointments on my day off (i.e. doctor, dentist, etc....). I told her I would probably only drop him off on my day off once a month or less.

    She has a problem with this, first she said she doesn't want him dropped off for just a half day as it messes with her schedule. I told her I would inform her at least a week before hand, drop him off before 9am and pick him up at lunch or drop him off at lunch and pick him up at my normal pick-up time (4pm). Since they always eat lunch at home I don't see how this messes with her schedule...? When I said this to her (in a nice way) she implied that apparently I shouldn't be dropping him off if I'm not at work (even though I pay for the day)...? Keep in mind that I am not a mom who abuses daycare in any way, I pick up my son directly after work even if I have errands to run, I don't drop him off when he is sick, I pay on time, treat her with respect and follow her policies. I only want to use a HALF DAY about once a month (and pay for 3.5 days that I don't use for that privilege).

    Is she being unreasonable or is it me?

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
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    Well, please understand that all daycare providers have different policies and routines for their days and no two of us will agree on everything or run our daycare in exactly the same way. Also, no two daycare parents behave in the same manner.

    So personally I like to treat all my dcparents equally but there are some who push my rules a bit and then I have to enforce the rules across the board, you know? You may be suffering through strict rules with your provider because somebody else abused her systems in the past. I'm just guessing.

    The space is yours and you are paying for it and I wouldn't have a problem if you brought your child or not. My clients would only have to pay for 4 days here, but at my higher part-time rate so they would only be saving a little bit, but then they wouldn't have the option of using the Monday at all. These are the two ways of looking at this situation in my opinion.

    However, you must have an open communication with your provider and talk honestly and openly about everything. I would ask her to talk to you about her feelings and get things out in the open so you are clear about all the rules at her daycare. She's taking care of your child every day so you don't want her to resent you or your child. That's a scary situation.
    Frederick Douglass
    It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

  3. #3
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Nikki I empathize with your position ~ you are paying for the full time space and are offering lots of notice and it is something you are only wanting to do 'once a month' which totally on the face seems reasonable from the client perspective.

    However as the previous poster has stated there are likely many reasons why your provider is likely not comfortable with 'half day' drop offs occurring at lunch time .... and they are all valid from the providers perspective as well .... three common reasons why this routine does not work on the providers end are as follows...

    1. A lunch time drop off time or pick up can prove challenging/disruptive for many children who do not cope with change and cry/act out when it is changed on them making the 'lunch period' stressful for everyone specially if the child is tearful or refusing to join the meal or what not. Plus as children tell time based on 'routine' verses a clock if a child suddenly goes home at lunch time the other children than think it is time for THEM to go home because they go home after 'afternoon snack' and do not realize it is not that time of day and their anxiety and stress levels rise which is why many providers have a 'please arrive before AM snack and go home after PM snack rule' because this ensures children are able to follow the routine and tell time of when they will be going home so to speak ~ aka I go home after pm snack ~ and keep anxiety and stress to a minimum having to deal with constantly changing routines.
    2. For other children when they come in at that time of day it is hard for them to eat lunch and go directly into a 'rest period' that usually follows and well this can result in disruptive sleep time for the entire group and so forth.
    3. Also for many of us we follow the 'lead' of the majority of the group in regards to being hungry ~ so for example a posted lunch time might say '12:00' but if one day everyone is complaining they are hungry by 11 and indicating a need to eat early a provider might like the flexibility to follow those cues so as not to have to deal with 'hungry related behavior' however if she has a part time child coming in at 12 she looses the 'flexibility' in her schedule as when you care caring for multiple children it is very hard to have them all eating or sleeping on different schedules so the rest of the hungry group would have to wait for the later arrival so they can all eat together
    I am sure there are other reasons as well but these seem to be the three biggest challenges we hear providers asking for advice on how to deal with this practice of the 'noon arrive or pick up'.

    For myself I would personally 'offer to try' and see how your child adjusts to it as well as how the other children are able to cope with the mid day arrive and if it was not working for any of the above reasons than deal with it on an 'individual' basis with you verses a blanket policy ... I currently have a child who is weaning into care from mat leave who is coming two afternoons a week and it has been fine with the child able to come in and eat and go down for a nap and the other children are all old enough to grasp the concept and not be affected.

    For me it is the same as some providers have 'no drop in visits' from clients if you 'arrive to program you must take your child' because there are challenges with allowing a drop in open door program for SOME children ... for me rather than have a 'blanket rule' that I will not do it I explain that I am open to trying but if XYZ occurs than we will have to reevaluate ... as a result I have had clients who were able to come and breastfeed on morning break and lunch and return to work because they were close and it occurred with no impact on their child or the group and other times where other clients have tried to come 'visit' and I have had to apologize and say that in the 'best interest of everyone' we need to not do this because the disruption is proving to be negative for everyone including their own child.
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  4. #4
    Outgoing DisneyPrincess's Avatar
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    Wow she is one strict woman. I wouldn't mind since you pay for the full day, who am I to tell you to keep your child and pay me anyways because you don't work. Of course if I think about it, the best would be in the morning preferably and yes before 9am pls since the "day" starts after, because after lunch it's naptime and it might be harder to do quiet time after spending excited morning with mom... I guess if I would have trouble with your son around naptime we would have to figure something out

  5. #5
    Euphoric !
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    Anything that messes with the schedule for the day disrupts the day for everyone. I would probably insist that the child comes in the morning at the normal time so I know he is still on the same food/sleep need schedule as the others. Then if you wanted to do an early pick up it would be before lunch so that I have the lunchtime to get the others resettled for the rest of the day. If he is coming all morning it would be just as easy to leave him for naptime too and then pick up as soon as naptime is over so a bit earlier pick up than usual.

    It is important to know what our schedules are going to be like. Many plan events out in advance and need to know. Does she go to playgroup on Mondays for instance and plans outings on days she knows she will have less children. Does she plan a curriculum and crafts and have the units planned in advance so materials for monday are cut more than a week in advance. Mostlly our days are stressful enough and starting out the week with a change isn't always easy on anyone.

    If the child has been in care for over a year then it should be a bit easier to accomodate the one day change but what you should consider is child either comes or doesn't and not do the part day. As others have said while your child might not have an issue with it, others in care might. A parent showing up at the door signals go home not go to bed. Once your child has gone home the provider has to try and explain to the other 4 why they have to go to bed and not wait for their parents to pick up since it is still a few ours away.

    As for the not working and paying anyways so why can't you use the day I have never understood that one. People pay someone to watch their child for lots of reasons and as long as you can be reached wherever you are I don't see that why you need care should matter but it does for many.

  6. #6
    Euphoric !
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    As far as I'm concerned ... You are paying a provider to provide care ..... What you do between those scheduled hours is irrelevant. I would allow you to bring your child as long as you were not doing drop off or pick up during quiet times and if it became disruptive then I would ask that you bring him for the full day. That would give you the day to run your errands , clean your house , do your shopping .....ect ...... You are paying for the day !!!!! You should be entitled to use it regardless if you are working or sleeping for the day.

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  8. #7
    Starting to feel at home...
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    I would have no problem with what you are asking. You are being quite reasonable with the half day hours you mentioned. You're not dropping off too late in the morning or in the middle of lunch or rest time. As long as you didn't let your child have a nap before you dropped him off for the afternoon, I wouldn't have any problem. You are paying for the Monday so it would be yours to use. I don't understand about the "disrupt everyone's day" attitude. I see a lot of providers talk about this and I don't understand. I run a home daycare, not a preschool, so as long as I know when you're coming I don't care what time of day it is. We do not leave my property, and I don't think it matters if the child misses circle or craft time once in a while.
    All that being said, this is your daycare provider and you have to come to some sort of agreement with her. Also, she really has no right to tell you that you shouldn't use daycare when you are not at work, I think she stepped over a line there. I prefer if parents are working when they bring their child, but I also don't mind if they are doing errands and such once in a while either. I'm being paid, so I don't care what you are doing as long as you tell me where you will be.

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  10. #8
    Euphoric ! mimi's Avatar
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    You sound like a model client. I would have no problem with your child coming in the morning and then leaving at/after lunch. I would not allow a lunch time drop off as it would be difficult to get the child into the afternoon routine (tried and tested) so I would then say bring for the day.
    This is your day, it is paid for, so like the other posters have said, it is none of our business what you do when your child is here as long as no policies are broken.

  11. #9
    apples and bananas
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    I would have no problem with what you're asking as well. However, I wouldn't allow the lunch time drop off, it's just no fun to come to daycare, eat and then sleep. But I would certainly allow the am drop off. I might suggest that on those days that I take the child for the entire day and you enjoy a nice day off.

    If someone is paying me for the space then I don't fill it. They have first right of refusal. I might do some drop in care but nothing consistent.

    If I were you I would maybe suggest to the provider that you will continue to pay for the day, however you will be booking your child in for a full day every so often and you will give sufficient notice for that.

  12. #10
    Euphoric ! Sandbox Sally's Avatar
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    I would have no problem with a half day of care either, since you're paying for it. My rules are that if we are not home, parents have to find us, and no pick up between 12:30 and 3. Other than that, it's your kid, and you have every right to pick your child up from daycare whenever you please.

    I would maybe suggest that he stay the whole day once every few weeks, if the issue is your pick up time disrupting daycare routine.

    I, personally, feel that she's being unreasonable.

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