What are some of the reasons you have terminated.

[Other Mummy]

Sunnydays, I have one little girl who does the same thing to friends.. you know getting in their space, taking their toys, pushing them... but you know whats weird, most of the time she has a huge smile on her face and his having a blast. Kindda sick when you think about it, is she smiling because she likes hurting ?? lol One thing she does, its even more getting in people's bubbles, she little squishes them, like giving a hug but pulling so hard, usually when their back is turned or going ON them if they are on the floor. I mean, how on earth to I make her understand at almost 2 to not do that. She started out here at 1 and was much worst then... Still its no fun, even though she seems to be having a blast... well until I time-out her haha

This is my DCB exactly. I wrote a Behaviour Issue letter to DCPs. Basically that DCB's on probation and we will have to come up with some kind of solution, or i will need to terminate. I will be doing a daily log of his behaviour. This was noted in the letter...... So why so I feel like crap. Ugh. I hate this part of the Biz.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I thankfully have never had to terminate a client since choosing to work from home ~ however I do have a Code Conduct and termination policy in place just in case I ever encounter the child who cannot manage ... consistent acts of aggression or violence would be a deal breaker for me!

Personally as others have mentioned I would do a 'behaviour management contract' with a client before moving to termination ~ aka a written list of the behaviours that are are issue, a list of expectations of what needs to happen to improve, a time line for improvement and clear consquence that failure to see improvement within that time will result in termination ... this way it is not a 'shock' to them cause sometimes IME even though we think we are being clear or blunt about a child's behavior being a challenge parents become cognitively dissident and HEAR something that is not so bad or seriously and therefore do not get you are at the end of your rope until they see it in WRITING.

[sunnydays]

Sunnydays, I have one little girl who does the same thing to friends.. you know getting in their space, taking their toys, pushing them... but you know whats weird, most of the time she has a huge smile on her face and his having a blast. Kindda sick when you think about it, is she smiling because she likes hurting ?? lol One thing she does, its even more getting in people's bubbles, she little squishes them, like giving a hug but pulling so hard, usually when their back is turned or going ON them if they are on the floor. I mean, how on earth to I make her understand at almost 2 to not do that. She started out here at 1 and was much worst then... Still its no fun, even though she seems to be having a blast... well until I time-out her haha

Yep...exactly the same! It's draining as I get so tired of telling him not to touch his friends...not to push...not to crowd...not to hug...not to climb on top of...etc etc etc. But I turn away and 10 seconds later...he's doing it again. I use time-outs for actual pushing...but the rest...well I haven't found a way to get through to him. He is having fun, but his friends can't stand it...they are constantly complaining and cringing away from him.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I found over my years in the field working with many diverse children is that with some children telling them what 'not to do' actually results increases of the undesired behavior because in their little brains they do not process the 'negative' part into the memory ~ so than later in that moment before they do something 'wrong' when their brain has to process what does my adult want from me again cause last time I tried this something happened they are only remembering your messages as 'push your friends', 'hit your friends' 'jump on the couch' in that little nanosecond between when they are controlling their natural impulses as children to do these things because they have not fully mastered impulse control ... and therefore the behavior escalates and the adults frustration escalates because they feel the child is 'defying' them

In my program I focus on posing my redirection for the children with messages of what I want to see from them ~ we keep our hands to our self, we give our friends space, we sit quietly on the couch, we respect the toys so forth and so on ... it has two positive effects because the next time the child is experiencing that nanosecond of the impulse to push / climb / throw something the memory that comes associated with that behavior last time is the message of what is expected of them so they are more likely to control that impulse as a result and the second effect is that MY patience and experience in program is more positive even when dealing with a challenging children because I never spend my days telling children NO NO NO and therefore getting more frustrated with feeling negative all day cause that is my focus.

I am not saying that a child should never hear the word NO but that as adults we need to be reflective of the consistent messages we send daily and are they being processed in the manner we attend to them ... if you have children you feel are not 'listening' to you my suggestion is to reflect on how the message/request is being sent and than processed by the child and perhaps try 'flipping' it to the focus of what you want instead and see if you see improvement in their ability to 'remember your directive'. If you as the adult are starting to feel frustrated and negative with dealing with behavior reflect on how you are dealing with it ~ is the language you assign to that behavior escalating it into a more negative experience than it might actually be were you to frame it in more positive?

[DisneyPrincess]

It is hard to decide to terminate. I have had that in mind for certain kids, but I let it go a few weeks more etc etc lol The one that cried everyday for five months last year, now is a doll. The crazy huger might leave this summer anyways, and the attitude leaves for school after the summer so... again I'll suck it up and see after the summer what is going on !

But if you can terminate and sure replace first, then do it, it is dreadful to have to work like this !

[MonkeyPrincess]

Technically it was a mutual decision, and we naturally got to this point, but i had had enough soi told a family i could no longer care for their child. I was going to care for the child for the duration of the mother's second pregnancy, but i barely made it those 6 months. The 2 yr old girl is very big for her age, wearing a size 3/4. She was a pusher, hitter and crier, and didn't get along too well with my own daughter. When i would inform the mom about hitting/pushing/whatever, she would either brush it off saying all kids do that, or ask me what my kids were doing to her daughter, and maybe she was defending herself against them. You know, the kind that thinks that their kid never does anything wrong.

The mom was an over bearing, stubborn, make-up-her-own-rules kinda gal. My food was never good enough, so she brought her own. I would change the child's diaper 6 times a day and it was never enough. One day after she got home, she called me in a panic because the child's bum was red. She was insinuating that i didn't change her diaper enough, but i wasn't shy about pointing out that it takes her almost an hour to get home and her kid SAT in her own pee and poo the whole time. She didn't want to use Vaseline or diaper cream as a barrier, so what am i going to? Nothing. Change the diaper, put a clean one on and that's it.

I was SO CLOSE to terminating the day that she called me 4 times in less than 2 hours because she was frantically looking for 2 envelopes that were missing from her purse. She asked me to look around for them and ask my son if he took them out of her purse (UH, NO!). At first I said i would look for them after dinner, but then she told me it was an emergency because those two envelopes contained her rent money and money for bills. Oh my GOD! I was pissed because she thought my son went into her purse, but really it was her daughter because i found the envelopes by the TV, where her daughter was hanging out right before she left that day. I was mad at her for insinuating that my son took the envelopes, and i am dumb for not terminating right then and there. Later that month she informed me would not be able to do drop off and pick up because her pregnant belly was getting too big to pick up her daughter. She TOLD me that her hubby would drop off the kid at 6.30 am and pick her up at 4, except for the days that her hubby coached soccer, when she would pick up the child at 5.30 and pay me extra. WHAT? That was where i drew the line. I said that was way too early for me and i could no longer do it. In the end she got her mom to care for her daughter for the last 2 months of her pregnancy.

So you are wondering why i never terminated this family eh? I couldn't bring myself to do it, the child's dad was my dad's cousin.