Need advice on how to deal with a 'pee' issue

[MonkeyPrincess]

he goes to school? has mom asked teacher if anything has shown up in the washrooms at school? None the less, sounds to me like he deserves NO privacy and as someone else suggested, he MUST sit to pee as well. If I were you I would find a way to lock the bathroom door if possible and make him ask to use the toilet, then accompany him like a baby, have him sit, push his privates down and go potty, then direct him step by step to flush and wash proper. Sounds like a stinker....I personally would need to take a minute to count my stress level down before approaching a situation like that! I would be furious!

Great suggestions! Thank you! I have a good sense of smell, and my blood pressure rises when i smell pee....

[MonkeyPrincess]

Maybe im the odd one out but I would term. At 4 years old that is completely unacceptable. He knows what he is doing is wrong. I dont have the time to hold hands with a child of that age to the bathroom, let alone turn around and sanitize and clean my bathroom every day. No way

i am sort of conflicted over this. Swear it to you, today was the first time i considered it. I will most definitely speak with mom again about this today and i will be letting her know that this may be a possibility if the 'pee issue' doesn't cease...of course, this will be after i implement new bathroom practices with this lad, and do the things you have all suggested. If things don't change then yes, i may have to terminate.

[playfelt]

For sure do not let child know that termination is an option. Actually I would just at this point tell mom what the new bathroom rules will be without mentioning termination - that may be why the child is doing so he will continue cause he thinks he is winning. So ask, sit, supervised, etc. Then if issue can not be resolved - like child decides to pee his pants instead then out he goes.

[apples and bananas]

Of course he doesn't do it at home... they NEVER do it at home!

That sucks that you have a school age child that you can't trust to go to the bathroom alone.

I would start treating him like a toilet training child again. He has to ask to go to the bathroom and you can go with him to make sure he pee's in the toilet. He doesn't get that independance back until he proves he can be a big boy.

I would also tell mom that you just can't have that kind of un sanitary behaviour. You'll give him a few weeks.. days... whichever you prefer... to turn it around and if he can't then he's out.

[Momof4]

Of course he doesn't do it at home... they NEVER do it at home! .........I would start treating him like a toilet training child again. He has to ask to go to the bathroom and you can go with him to make sure he pee's in the toilet. He doesn't get that independance back until he proves he can be a big boy.

I would also tell mom that you just can't have that kind of un sanitary behaviour. You'll give him a few weeks.. days... whichever you prefer... to turn it around and if he can't then he's out.

I agree and this is exactly what I would do. My son had ADHD and never behaved this way ANYWHERE when he was a child and he was so easily distracted. But he learned cleanliness and manners and that he was expected to use them everywhere at all times. This boy's Mom needs to teach him the same things. Sorry you have to police a boy of that age as if he is a toddler! My 5year old grandson won't even let anybody in the bathroom with him because he likes his privacy so hope that isn't a problem for you.

[MonkeyPrincess]

... My 5year old grandson won't even let anybody in the bathroom with him because he likes his privacy so hope that isn't a problem for you.

No it's not really a problem because i warned him that if he didn't stop peeing on the floors and walls, then he will not be able to go by himself, and i will have to go with him every time. He has not changed his ways, so i follow through on my warning. Yes, it really does suck that i have to police a school age child that should have good washroom habits. Fortunately for me, my son is fine in the bathroom, and my daughter and 18 month DCG are still in diapers, so i can spare 2 minutes to stay with the boy in the washroom. It really sucks that i have to do this but hey, gotta do what i gotta do.

[gcj]

I've been thinking about you. How's it going with your little water-hose pee-er?

[MonkeyPrincess]

I've been thinking about you. How's it going with your little water-hose pee-er?

LOL. Thanks for thinking of me I did speak to the mom about the pee issue, as well as a few other things. She didn't have too much time to chat at pick up time, but she did seem genuinely concerned so she asked me to draw up a letter stating all my concerns, which I gave her today. She told me via text had a long chat with her son last night and he says doesn't know why he is peeing on floors and walls. She told me she understands if i want to terminate his care, but i would rather wait to see how he does with the new washroom routine. It's only fair to give him a chance. Provided he does well and stops peeing on the floors, then he can stay. If things don't improve, then i will consider terminating his care.

She is at a loss and i feel for her but I know this is one of many issues that he is going through. She does have an appointment with her doctor to further discuss his probable ADHD and his shift in behaviour. Mom told me there are a few things going on in the homelife and it was like an AHA moment. That's probably what it is that has caused the shift! Anyhow, i will be doing my due diligence and mom is on board.

[gcj]

interesting. I'd give him a chance, too....see how things go.

[playfelt]

At least he is admitting it to the mom so she knows it is happening. The letter will give her something to take to the doctor's appointment to show saying ok we need help now.