''Discipline'' the child when parents are there ?

[kidlove]

disney: i have used timeouts for certain kids, not all though! different kids different discipline, what works for some definately may not work for others, I go with the parents opinion, I have had kids start to throw a fit and had the parent say I dont mind if he/she needs a time out, I will wait....this is speaking of the kid that when put in time out, does them good and they come out of it with a dif attitude than going in. Doesnt work for all but for those that it does work for, I offer that to the parent. I have also interfered with mothers putting their kids in the car seat with the kid kicking and screaming at them, I say.."do you mind?" they respond: "by all means", I give the child the "look" tell them to sit still and get buckled! they shut up, sit still and let me buckle...the Mother stands there in disbelief, "how did you do that!" I reply with the plain and simple..." when you are in control they are not, you just have to let them know you are in control, as easy as a look".....

[DisneyPrincess]

Oh geez stories I could tell about misbehaviour at the door! I instruct the misbehaviour dck's by telling them before pick up that they can not touch the door (opening and closing, running outside) and that they must listen to mom/dad and no crying. This works for a second and then just like DisneyPrincess said, they give the evil eye and nanana look. The parents don't want to discipline because THEY will feel bad having not seen them all day.
I told my dcb (31/2 yr old still in diapers) not to open/close the door in front of parent. I received a side glance from parent not happy I was instructing child not to do this. Excuse me, wind chill is -25 do you want to pay my heating bills?

I have patio door, very dangerous to squeeze fingers in, and some even bang in the window Now obvisouly I say to the child, to not do that, cause to my surprise, parents dont ! It the summer they will lean in the screen door haaaaaa : If they break it, would I have the courage to have them pay for it

[DisneyPrincess]

Wow you ladies have guts... I need to figure out what to do, cause it pisses me off seeing kids like that. sorry the language. And not just here, at the store or restaurant or others places. Watching Supernanny boils me to see parents gets treated that way and let it happen.

I have guts with everything else, getting parents to pay me on time, pick up on time, children listening to me all day, but the ''parents you cant control you kids, let me help you and show you how its done'' part LOL kindda hard. I feel I would be rude to the parents but I get your point ladies. My house, my rules !

[Inspired by Reggio]

.... but the ''parents you cant control you kids, let me help you and show you how its done'' part LOL kindda hard. I feel I would be rude to the parents but I get your point ladies. My house, my rules !

Just imagine us all standing behind you with our best Supernanny glare pose of 'you're the boss here ~ they really NEED this assertiveness from you to thrive both the children and the parents'

My clients have always been thankful of parenting advice and tips ~ I typically do not offer it unless truly needed basically keep my nose out of their parenting unless it is affecting their child's ability to cope in the program and counter conducive to the goals we have set together for their child or I see they are visibly struggling with a child or if they are 'venting' to me about issues at home and than always approach it professionally 'I can see you are struggling have you ever considered trying ...' or 'I empathize with how frustrated you are have you ever tried ...' followed by my suggestion of what I have seen work to correct those issues they are having.

[kidlove]

funny one for ya! i saw one of my daycare boys out in the grocery store once and he was screaming at his Mom, standing in the cart and hitting her in the face. First I heard the ruckus and looked at my daughter and said "wow, somebody needs discipline" turned the corner and found...it was one of my daycare kids! one of MY daycare kids! Now any of you who take deep pride in the helping raising of these kids will completely understand my point of view at that very moment....I had this child from 6 months to now (4.5 year old) and there he is, the mild mannered, quiet little blonde haired boy (with me) but acting as a dr heckle and mr hyde complete 360 with Mom.....I was so angry to see him behaving that way. They were walking in the same direction as me, but in front of me down the isle (moms back was to mee as they alked) but because boy was standing in cart and facing his Mom, he was also facing me over his Mom's shoulder......in mid scream and hit, at her....he caught me in his view, ....we made eye contact and with my all too familiar "I am dissatisfied look on my face" and a lift of my hand shaking my finger in the "no,no" back and forth to him, he instantly stopped screaming, turned around and sat in the cart....you should have seem the look on her face, like "what just happened?" She rounded the next corner and so did I, at that point I was right behind them and he still had his eyes fixed on me, I said heelo to mom, she looked surprised to see me (not junior though ) I overstepped my bounderies, but felt Mom needed a little help, so I took a big jump and said to Boy, "wow, you sure are giving your Mom a hard time, you need to sit still and behave, that behavior makes me and Mom very upset" gave him the look.........see you tomorrow! He continued to watch me as I walked away, Mom thanked me the next day, said he was good the rest of the visit at the store. Now why can't parents understand how to take the control from the child like we do?

[Inspired by Reggio]

... Now why can't parents understand how to take the control from the child like we do?

Because we parent out of the investment and necessity of maintaining harmony and safety in our group and IMO many parents today parent out of GUILT so they do not want what little time they have with their child being marred by correcting behavior ... little do they realize if they invested in that time when wee their time would be more 'positive' over all specially as they grow up and behaviors like that 'escalate' when left undisciplined!

[daycarewhisperer]

Wow you ladies have guts... I need to figure out what to do, cause it pisses me off seeing kids like that. sorry the language. And not just here, at the store or restaurant or others places. Watching Supernanny boils me to see parents gets treated that way and let it happen.

I have guts with everything else, getting parents to pay me on time, pick up on time, children listening to me all day, but the ''parents you cant control you kids, let me help you and show you how its done'' part LOL kindda hard. I feel I would be rude to the parents but I get your point ladies. My house, my rules !

It's not guts for me. It's only that I'm willing to give up the money. Once all of us are clear that I'm willing to give up the money then a choice has to be made.... follow my rules and my expectations or scoot on down the road to find someone who either needs the money or it doesn't hurt their heart to see violence. That aint me.

[daycarewhisperer]

The parents don't want to discipline because THEY will feel bad having not seen them all day.

Naw it's not because they feel guilt. They don't want the child to cry. They like the idea that their child gets to go nuts and act horrible because deep down inside them they wish they could do that too. They are quite comfortable with letting their kid get their bad bahviour on in your house because they pay you and you WILL put up with it or not get the money. They also feel their child should have their way and not be upset at all. Their kid deserves that because he/she is special and they are the child of their parents.

It's a combination of a lot of things but guilt isn't even on the radar.

[kidlove]

agreed Reggio. I do recognize that most parents do allow so much more ill behavior from their kids because it seems (and sometimes they openly admit) they only have their kids so many hours per day, why spend them disciplining? Even when I worked I didn't allow that behavior from my own kids, if they needed discipline at pick-up they got it! it's guilt and for some just laziness or ignorance. They don't care enough or don't want to put forth the effort it takes to discipline.

[bright sparks]

I don't allow parents to parent under my roof. I am the leader until they are off site. I also don't allow ANY violence in my home so when the child hit the parent it would upset me so much that I couldn't have the kid anymore. It's a deal breaker here. There's no amount of money worth me watching violence in my own home. It's not about them.... what's best for them... their needs... their child... their ways. It's just about ME and what I need in MY house. No judgements... I get that there are a lot of parents who are perfectly comfortable with that kind of violence... but I'm not and my dc kids sure the heck arent. Some of them have been here for four plus years and never seen anything violent happen here. I wouldn't want them to witness it or my other clients either. Too risky and too upsetting.

She would be told that it's never to happen again and I wouldn't allow her inside my house with the kid. I would have her deliever the kid to the door step and I would bring her in over the threshhold and receive the child at the outside of my house on the door step. If they made a scene from the front door to the car... then they would have to go. My neighbors wouldn't like that deal AT ALL and they are way higher priority in the food chain than any day care clients or kids. Day care kids come and go but my neighbors are here for decades. I want THEM to live in peace too.

I am greatful to your contributions to this forum daycarewhisperer and find that quite often you present a different angle through your opinions on different subjects. I am interested in your comment about how if a child hit once that you would no longer accept them into your daycare. I was just wondering why you wouldn't work with a family and child to rectify this behaviour? I understand that you said that it is your need to have a violent free home, but I know that so many children act out physically and it isn't acceptable behaviour under any circumstances but I struggle with the idea of not doing anything about it other than sending them off to somebody else to deal with. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this as I know there has to be a line drawn when enough is enough but surely every child deserves a second chance and speaking for myself as a caregiver, investing my time in these children through good and bad is part of my role in the children's lives.