''Discipline'' the child when parents are there ?

[daycarewhisperer]

Wow you ladies have guts... I need to figure out what to do, cause it pisses me off seeing kids like that. sorry the language. And not just here, at the store or restaurant or others places. Watching Supernanny boils me to see parents gets treated that way and let it happen.

I have guts with everything else, getting parents to pay me on time, pick up on time, children listening to me all day, but the ''parents you cant control you kids, let me help you and show you how its done'' part LOL kindda hard. I feel I would be rude to the parents but I get your point ladies. My house, my rules !

It's not guts for me. It's only that I'm willing to give up the money. Once all of us are clear that I'm willing to give up the money then a choice has to be made.... follow my rules and my expectations or scoot on down the road to find someone who either needs the money or it doesn't hurt their heart to see violence. That aint me.

[kidlove]

I do agree in part with you too whisper, many parents do it for many diferent reasons, some for the reasons above talked about, I do feel some do chose not to discipline due to the guilt they feel for going off to work everyday, and what has not been mentioned is perhaps the worst of them all, the parent who you defined, the parent who truly feels that IF they discipline their child it send a message to the child that they don't love them....these parents are the kind that do anything in their power to make their child smile and stay happy all day, even when it is at the expense of others including themselves, these are perhaps the worst of all, because they are raising their child to be a selfcentered.."do for me because I am the only one that matters" kinf of person...... that is the one that gets me the most upset! I call it "creating a monster" i always mention gently to these parents that "their child will only be cute for so long" even they will get tired of the behavior at some point, and by them? it will be too late!

[bright sparks]

I do agree in part with you too whisper, many parents do it for many diferent reasons, some for the reasons above talked about, I do feel some do chose not to discipline due to the guilt they feel for going off to work everyday, and what has not been mentioned is perhaps the worst of them all, the parent who you defined, the parent who truly feels that IF they discipline their child it send a message to the child that they don't love them....these parents are the kind that do anything in their power to make their child smile and stay happy all day, even when it is at the expense of others including themselves, these are perhaps the worst of all, because they are raising their child to be a selfcentered.."do for me because I am the only one that matters" kinf of person...... that is the one that gets me the most upset! I call it "creating a monster" i always mention gently to these parents that "their child will only be cute for so long" even they will get tired of the behavior at some point, and by them? it will be too late!

The people who raise their children like this will have a reason for doing so. It doesn't make it right, but it doesn't mean they can correct all of their behaviours over night. Things to factor in are how they were raised, childhood trauma among many others. A child raised with lots of physical discipline and shaming for example may subconsciously have this fuelling their need to please their child for fear of them feeling the same upset that they did. There is far more involved in how we parent our kids than just being selfish or shallow or doing the easiest most convenient thing and for everyone, don't think for one minute you have a clue what's going on behind closed doors. While it doesn't apply to everyone, there are many parents suffering depression, marriage instabilities, financial issues etc etc and while this isn't a good enough excuse for raising "a monster",it's still a reason. I think there obviously has to be boundaries on how much you do but I feel these parents still deserve compassion and guidance and honesty. Maybe a person doesn't want to hear the truth but its part of the process. Eventually it will click, or maybe it won't but I don't begin to pretend that I know why these people are the way they are with their children but an honest open conversation is definitely a good starting point. Otherwise if you don't want to invest this extra part of you, then terminate. They aren't going to change and your not going to be any help keeping quiet and saying nothing. (This isn't directed at anyone specifically btw)

[kidlove]

if I let every child who hit once go...i don't think I would have any kids left. ha ha! isn't it human nature to learn from mistakes, and isn't it fact that children don't know better, we have to correct the bad and teach the good.

[bright sparks]

if I let every child who hit once go...i don't think I would have any kids left. ha ha! isn't it human nature to learn from mistakes, and isn't it fact that children don't know better, we have to correct the bad and teach the good.

Exactly!!

[kidlove]

funny one for ya! i saw one of my daycare boys out in the grocery store once and he was screaming at his Mom, standing in the cart and hitting her in the face. First I heard the ruckus and looked at my daughter and said "wow, somebody needs discipline" turned the corner and found...it was one of my daycare kids! one of MY daycare kids! Now any of you who take deep pride in the helping raising of these kids will completely understand my point of view at that very moment....I had this child from 6 months to now (4.5 year old) and there he is, the mild mannered, quiet little blonde haired boy (with me) but acting as a dr heckle and mr hyde complete 360 with Mom.....I was so angry to see him behaving that way. They were walking in the same direction as me, but in front of me down the isle (moms back was to mee as they alked) but because boy was standing in cart and facing his Mom, he was also facing me over his Mom's shoulder......in mid scream and hit, at her....he caught me in his view, ....we made eye contact and with my all too familiar "I am dissatisfied look on my face" and a lift of my hand shaking my finger in the "no,no" back and forth to him, he instantly stopped screaming, turned around and sat in the cart....you should have seem the look on her face, like "what just happened?" She rounded the next corner and so did I, at that point I was right behind them and he still had his eyes fixed on me, I said heelo to mom, she looked surprised to see me (not junior though ) I overstepped my bounderies, but felt Mom needed a little help, so I took a big jump and said to Boy, "wow, you sure are giving your Mom a hard time, you need to sit still and behave, that behavior makes me and Mom very upset" gave him the look.........see you tomorrow! He continued to watch me as I walked away, Mom thanked me the next day, said he was good the rest of the visit at the store. Now why can't parents understand how to take the control from the child like we do?

[Inspired by Reggio]

... Now why can't parents understand how to take the control from the child like we do?

Because we parent out of the investment and necessity of maintaining harmony and safety in our group and IMO many parents today parent out of GUILT so they do not want what little time they have with their child being marred by correcting behavior ... little do they realize if they invested in that time when wee their time would be more 'positive' over all specially as they grow up and behaviors like that 'escalate' when left undisciplined!

[DisneyPrincess]

OMG kidlove - the boy the grocery store -- that is funny. I do that to kids here sometimes. The parents are back at me and I give the 'not happy' look and the 'no no no' gesture to the child. It worked a few times hahaha

[kidlove]

agreed Reggio. I do recognize that most parents do allow so much more ill behavior from their kids because it seems (and sometimes they openly admit) they only have their kids so many hours per day, why spend them disciplining? Even when I worked I didn't allow that behavior from my own kids, if they needed discipline at pick-up they got it! it's guilt and for some just laziness or ignorance. They don't care enough or don't want to put forth the effort it takes to discipline.

[DisneyPrincess]

Daycarewhisperer, you are like Supernanny Joe, dont worry it is not an insult its a compliment. I love that women, have you ever seen the show ? The British supernanny, not the american one I dont like her.

Supernanny Joe gives all the love and support to parents and she sure knows how to handle the children in a calm matter. I know its television, but I'm sure she's IT !