''Discipline'' the child when parents are there ?

[bright sparks]

I do agree in part with you too whisper, many parents do it for many diferent reasons, some for the reasons above talked about, I do feel some do chose not to discipline due to the guilt they feel for going off to work everyday, and what has not been mentioned is perhaps the worst of them all, the parent who you defined, the parent who truly feels that IF they discipline their child it send a message to the child that they don't love them....these parents are the kind that do anything in their power to make their child smile and stay happy all day, even when it is at the expense of others including themselves, these are perhaps the worst of all, because they are raising their child to be a selfcentered.."do for me because I am the only one that matters" kinf of person...... that is the one that gets me the most upset! I call it "creating a monster" i always mention gently to these parents that "their child will only be cute for so long" even they will get tired of the behavior at some point, and by them? it will be too late!

The people who raise their children like this will have a reason for doing so. It doesn't make it right, but it doesn't mean they can correct all of their behaviours over night. Things to factor in are how they were raised, childhood trauma among many others. A child raised with lots of physical discipline and shaming for example may subconsciously have this fuelling their need to please their child for fear of them feeling the same upset that they did. There is far more involved in how we parent our kids than just being selfish or shallow or doing the easiest most convenient thing and for everyone, don't think for one minute you have a clue what's going on behind closed doors. While it doesn't apply to everyone, there are many parents suffering depression, marriage instabilities, financial issues etc etc and while this isn't a good enough excuse for raising "a monster",it's still a reason. I think there obviously has to be boundaries on how much you do but I feel these parents still deserve compassion and guidance and honesty. Maybe a person doesn't want to hear the truth but its part of the process. Eventually it will click, or maybe it won't but I don't begin to pretend that I know why these people are the way they are with their children but an honest open conversation is definitely a good starting point. Otherwise if you don't want to invest this extra part of you, then terminate. They aren't going to change and your not going to be any help keeping quiet and saying nothing. (This isn't directed at anyone specifically btw)