Dealing with relatives kids.

[mimi]

We have learned so much regarding child behaviour through trial and error and of course education (and forums), the best way to deal with children's behaviours, development, milestones etc during our daycare career. Having this knowledge and exposure to children, do you find your extended family comes to you with child rearing questions and appreciates/respects your knowledge or do you feel family will ignore your "expertise"?

.The reason I ask is I do not offer advice or my opinion unless asked and then I offer in a suggestion manner (I was going to say suggestive, but that wouldn't sound right LOL). However there was an incident with my 6 year old niece whom is allowed to rule the roost and has a very stubborn streak.

While visiting my parents home, my niece began pulling on my mothers arm who was standing at the time. My mother suffers from severe osteoporosis and balance problems and has actually broken her femur (in front of me) by just getting out of a car. Her condition is common knowledge. So I see my niece pulling on my mothers arm knowing my mother will topple over and possibly injure herself.

Parents see and say nothing. I wait. Still nothing. So I say XXXXXX Please do not pull on Grandma, she will fall down. I get the stink eye from niece as she continues pulling on her arm so I sternly say her name as I rise to remove her grip on my mother. Parents say nothing. I later find out from mother they are furious with me for stepping in. Point is, I knew my niece would continue, yet my knowledge of caring for children did not factor in or cut me any slack in their anger. I know, as my mother does, that I did the right thing. (my mother does not speak up for herself)
Have any of you had an uncomfortable experience with relative's kids?

[kidlove]

oh Mimi, I cant count how many times i have wanted to chime in and tell kids how it is.....I generally stay quiet and try not to "rock the boat" with family but as a rule of thumb in my life in general, whether it be family or not...if I see a child doing something potentialy harmful to themselves or to others (part provider part human being) and no one else steps in i.e. parents or other adults, I will not hesitate to jump in and correct the situation. You did the right thing as you and your mother already know. sounds to me like this little girl is a brat, and parents of brats are usually a little more defensive regarding their kids and their kids actions, due in part because they know their kid is a brat and part because ultimately they know who is to blame,...THEM! they take every word of correction directed toward their kid as a personal insult to them and their parenting in general. Just know you did the right thing and keep your eye on that girl.......she better not get caught doing something like that when her parents aren't around, then it will be her word against yours. HEE HEE HEE

[mimi]

parents of brats are usually a little more defensive regarding their kids and their kids actions, due in part because they know their kid is a brat and part because ultimately they know who is to blame,...THEM! Yeah, so true.

[mom-in-alberta]

I find it very hard to "turn it off" around other kids. I have been known to say "hey you, knock it off" or similar to strangers children. However, I REALLY try not to parent my nephews/ friends kids, etc. Mostly because people, as a rule, do not like to be told that they are doing it wrong. My sister-in-law often asks me for advice (I would like to think that it's because she respects my parenting) and I will give it, gently worded if need be.
But in this case, YOU WERE IN THE RIGHT!!! Seriously, she's tugging on Gramma's arm and they say nothing???? RUDE. How would little missy feel if she injured her Gramma?

[daycarewhisperer]

I wouldn't give it a second thought. If they bring it up tell them that from this day forward if you see their kid being physical or inapropriate with your mother that you not only will say something but will physically remove her off of her if that is what it takes. Don't back down. Tell them you feel very comfortable with what you did and you would do that and more if it should happen again. When the kid is around your mother and you are there you don't care who her parents are or what their opinion is. Mama comes first whether it's a neice, a neighbor, or a nun.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree with the other ladies ~ I can keep my mouth shut about many 'varied parenting values and approaches' that inwardly I may be raising my eye brows at thinking 'wow that is going to wind you up with a world of hurt down the road allowing that' but only until their child becomes a threat to me, someone else or someone's property and well than all bets are OFF and I would be stepping in!

I would have no problem saying to the parent, family or stranger, that allowing their child to HARM another person or person's property has a legal term .... harming another person is called ASSAULT and harming someones property is called VANDALISM and eventually BOTH come with a criminal record and until that child is old enough to be accountable themselves the PARENTS are held responsible for that child's behavior in a court of law ... perhaps they will take being sued for damages or bodily injury for them to get their head out of their arse!

I do not GET why parents allow this kind of behavior from children ... it doesn't matter how old you are if it is a behavior that is socially unacceptable or ILLEGAL you STOP IT and use behavior modification to CORRECT IT from happening again you do not EXCUSE it as 'oh they are only wee and did not know better' .... when are they ever going to 'know better' if you keep excusing their behaviour cause later it will be 'oh they were tired' or 'oh they did not sleep' or 'oh the child wasn't sharing and that is why angelic little Sally chopped her hair off with the scissors' ... the excuses just keep getting more creative