Sister-in law help!!

[DeeDee]

Okay so I am taking on a new little boy Tomorrow and I only want drop of time to be at 7:45 not 7:30, so I told my sister in law that it will no longer be 7:30. It's just to early for my little girl. I am already feeding her kids breakfast and most of the time dressing them for the day. She told me that she just can't make it to work for 8 if she drops them off at 7:45. But I seem to remember the first day of care that she only had to drop them off at 8:15 but as soon as she foud out that the other mom was droping her kids off at 7:30 every moring she has had to be earlyer then everyone else. But on the days that I only have her boys they are not here at 7:30.. I don't get it. And I'm not sure what to so. I don't want 7:30 drop of. She also asked if I was changing drop off time would I be making pick up time later? She says she gets off work 4:30. Yet she's never here until 5:00 or 5:15... Just torn because it is family but she is really starting to piss me off!! She's already getting a super deal. I am only charging her for one kid! Ahhh I wish I never agreed to take family!!

[Momof4]

Oh no, not cool DeeDee! I started my daycare with my grandson and he was here for over 3 years. In all that time my daughter was respectful of my rules, signed my contract and abided by it, although I gave her a greatly reduced rate, but enough to cover my costs. I would expect the same respect from any other family member and you have a right to that too. She is taking advantage of your sweetness obviously and you can put your foot down, firmly but nicely. It's hard to keep peace in families sometimes but we all have to take care of ourselves. Why do we all have a SIL like that?

If you don't want a 7:30 drop off then TELL HER it has to be 7:45. And don't open your door one minute earlier. A 9 hour day here would go from 7:45 to 4:45 and that's my limit. One minute over means a late fee of $5/half hour is added. Time to make the changes so you don't become too resentful.

It's your business.

[mom-in-alberta]

Oh yikes.
Caring for friends/family's kids always SEEMS like it will be a great idea.
It's usually not.
As hard as this is; it is time to say "I enjoy looking after the boys, but in order for it to continue working, THIS has to happen...." and then let her know what you need to change. Unfortunately, some people will push and push, until you take a stand.
I hope this works out well for you, because it sounds like you have been giving her a heck of a deal so far. Am I to understand that you are caring for both nephews, but only charging her for one?? Good luck to her in terms of finding that anywhere else!!

[mimi]

This is how the family trouble starts. I wouldn't take friends and family children for this very reason. You must be wealthy for your sister in law to assume 2 daycare spots for the price of 1. You gave her this costly perk and now she is dictating your hours and asking you to make up time?
DeeDee you need to tell this relative that you are running a business. That from now on she must pay for both children and tell her what your hours are and that there is definitely no making up of time if she comes early for pick up. Good grief what a sense of entitlement. Please stand up for yourself.

[daycarewhisperer]

Okay so I am taking on a new little boy Tomorrow and I only want drop of time to be at 7:45 not 7:30, so I told my sister in law that it will no longer be 7:30. It's just to early for my little girl. I am already feeding her kids breakfast and most of the time dressing them for the day. She told me that she just can't make it to work for 8 if she drops them off at 7:45. But I seem to remember the first day of care that she only had to drop them off at 8:15 but as soon as she foud out that the other mom was droping her kids off at 7:30 every moring she has had to be earlyer then everyone else. But on the days that I only have her boys they are not here at 7:30.. I don't get it. And I'm not sure what to so. I don't want 7:30 drop of. She also asked if I was changing drop off time would I be making pick up time later? She says she gets off work 4:30. Yet she's never here until 5:00 or 5:15... Just torn because it is family but she is really starting to piss me off!! She's already getting a super deal. I am only charging her for one kid! Ahhh I wish I never agreed to take family!!

I don't provide service to friends, family, neighbors, or friends of friends, family, or neighbors. I only work for strangers.

The big big mistake you are making is believing that you are giving her a deal. YOU think that but she doesn't. In fact, I would bet that she actually thinks you are way overcharging her and that you should do it for free because you are family. Even if you did it for free she would believe it's still too much. You should do more for her, work longer, and take more responsibility for her kids because she actually works and you get to stay home. I promise you that a fifty percent off deal isn't a deal to her in ANY way. Now should she actually have to hire an unrelated and have to pay for both kids THEN she will look at your arrangement as a good thing at the time but she will NEVER think that until the day she has to pay more or pay full price. By that time, you will be out of the equation so it won't affect you in any way.

Sto thinking you are giving her a deal and start thinking of it from her mindset that you have allowed. She believes you should have them earlier, longer, and do more of their physical cares because it's easy for you because you don't really work. NOW.. can you see why you guys aren't on the same page????

She feels you SHOULD do for her and any time you DON'T do for her you are being ungrateful and not a good sister or auntie. This is all about what you are not doing not about what you are doing.

The only way to fix this is to give her two weeks notice and tell her that you can't provide care anymore for her kids. Tell her you just want to be their aunt and not their caregiver. Then replace her two kids with one stranger kid and move on. That way you guys are back to even and just family. Don't try to negotiate a "fair" pay because frankly, charging her anything and offering less in your cares is too much from where she sits. Don't bother batting that around because unless you are willing to do COMPLETELY free, as many hours as she wants, all meals, and all day while you are operating..... it will never be a good deal to her.

[mimi]

Great assessment Daycarewhisperer! I completely agree except who cares what sister in law thinks is a good deal. No one has to give her a deal and no one should. She should pay fair market price for daycare for her sons. She has comfort in the knowledge that a loving family member will care for her children. That is her good deal.