Separating/Divorcing Parents

[Mum2Boo]

Hi All

This is my first post on this site & would welcome input into a problem I am having with a set of parents who are separating. Needless to say the separation is acrimonious and there are all sorts of games being played by both of the parents. My difficulty is that the parents are friends and neighbours

The Father doesn't have a job so he's hours are pretty much his own & the Mother works in retail so her hours are all over the place.

I take care of their 6 year old daughter 5 days over 2 weeks. They also have an 11 year old daughter who is able to stay home for a few hours herself.

My problem is that Mum's hours go over my Pick Up time & its starting to interfere with my own family time. If Mum asks the Dad to collect the kids for her until she gets back from work he refuses.

However the Father has sent me a separate text (he's not informed the Mother) saying that if she asks for the 6 year old to be sent home to the 11 year old, I should call him so he can provide the care (it's illegal for the 11 year old to look after the 6 year old). You just know that he is going to note down these instances as examples for future references.

Surely the parents should be working out the pick up problems away from the daycare & providing me & their child with a united front.

What do you think & do you have any guidance or ideas on how I go about getting both parents to do the right thing.

I will be adding something into my policy in case of any future instances of this

[Skysue]

I would have a chat with both of them to let them know that 1st priority is there 6 year old. If they are going to play games than to do it on there own time. Let them know you are running professional business and that you don't appreciate being put in the middle. I would give them a warning and if they don't comply then you will be forced to terminate care.

[Bookworm]

I agree with Skysue. Be straight with them. You are not going to be put in the middle. If they can not comply with the rules of your business and provide a united front, then you can no longer offer your services.

[gramma]

there is absolutely no winner in this situation. unfortunately you have been put in the middle. If you cant accommodate the mothers hours, she needs to find someone else. I didnt realize that it was illegal for an 11 yr old to watch a 6 yr old so cant comment there. I would agree that you need to meet with both of them and be firm in that you expect them tobehave like adults and not put you in the middle of their dispute. Just remember when either of them tell you something, you are only hearing what they want you to hear to gain your support for their side. I dont know how close friends you are but I think I would remove myself from the situation and elminate the caregiver portion of your relationship and be a supportive friend.

[Crayola kiddies]

.....NEXT.....you are going to end up the bad guy in this one ...especially when they are neighbours....I would terminate

[apples and bananas]

I didn't think it was illegal for the 6 year old to stay with the 11 yr old as long as they are siblings. Am I wrong on that one?

Regardless, if it is illegal then it's not about informing the father in some sneaky way, it's a refusal to do it as I do not allow anyone under the age of 18 to pick up kids from my daycare. So, maybe just reasure dad that that will not happen as it's against your poicies.

If dad is refusing to care for the kids whne mom offers then let him. It gives mom more of a stand when it comes to custody and court. Unfortunatly, if he wants more then normal access to his kids he should jump at every opportunity.

let mom know that she needs to have someone pick up and maybe encourage dad to a part of that solution since he doesn't work and time with the kids may be limited.

Divorce sucks! Don't get involved and keep communicating with the main parent and update the secondary parent when they ask. Don't let it be your problem. You may be the only consistency this little girl has right now, I'd hold on to her as long as they let you.

[Momof4]

I agree that you must have a meeting with these parents or at the very least type a letter and give it to both of them. Tell them the hours they are allowed to use and everything else that is bothering you and tell them you will not be put in the middle of their relationship problems. You are running a business, they signed a contract that they must abide by, and that's all there is to it! They follow the rules you set out or they are gone.

[Mum2Boo]

Thanks for your reply. I think the child care rules are different in each area. I went onto the child services for my area & they state that a older sibling should not look after a younger sibling until the elder sibling is 12. But I agree there should be an adult 18+ picking up the 6 year old.

You hit the nail on the head in terms of the dad trying to be sneaky & this is what is bothering me. You are also right about the consistency & it is this reason that I'm trying to help.

Thanks for the info, it has been very useful and helpful.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Yup ~ I would not be allowing that negativity or drama into my life

I saw so much of this horrible behaviour in centre care that I made sure I would not have to deal with it in my home based journey by making it clear with a policy that states

Unfortunately it is not my role, nor do I have proper counseling background, to mediate family disagreements. Should a family be in a situation where their inability to provide a united front while in the program, and in my opinion, this behaviour is affecting the well being of their own child or others within the program I may be required to discontinue services immediately. Please see the ‘Code of Conduct’ section for details.

Code of Conduct than states that they would forfeit their security deposit for exhibiting such behaviors!

[Mum2Boo]

Inspired by Reggio; thank you very much for the policy words That was going to be my next step over the weekend & I was wondering where to start

I've spoken with the Mother of the family & made it very clear that I do not wish to get in the middle of any game playing. I still want to give a consistency of care to the 6 year old, it's very very clear that the only stability she has is coming into my home daycare & I would hate to take that away from her

Thank you to everyone for your advice it has been truly helpful. Thank you