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  1. #11
    Euphoric !
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    Part of the problem will be that your daughter is only part time. We see it all the time in our daycares where a child that is not there all the time tries to become part of the group and the group is used to doing things a certain way and not as keen on including new people.

    It is common for children to feel posessive of things they have been playing with all week and there are more sharing issues when a child is part time and others are full time.

    Not saying that the behaviours being shown aren't out of proportion and that something doesn't need to be done so far haven't seen anyone pick up on the fact the girls aren't together everyday. One belongs more so to speak or at least feels more entitled as on the other days things to do belong to them.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheYoungLife View Post
    I am a mom of an almost 3 year old who is in group daycare 2.5-5 years. My daughter attends 2-3 days a week. Two weeks ago my daughter came home and told me one of the girls, we will call her Jane, bent her finger backwards. I said next time this happens make sure to tell one of the teachers. I was concerned but my daughter was fine and I took it as a one off. Last week I pick up my daughter and she had a scratch (now a scab, large) under her left eye. Jane scratched her according to the staff. It occurred over a sharing dispute. I chatted with the teacher there and I felt she down played it by saying my daughter was more hurt emotionally because her and Jane, who is older, are friends. Okay fine I asked for them to keep a good eye on them when playing together, I didn't want things to escalate. The next day I walk in and my daughter is crying and being comforted and Jane has bitten her wrist. I am horrified. I understand kids have tempers and can lash out but I don't want my child being the victim all of the time.

    My question is how should the daycare be handling this? I know how I would like them too but I would love some perspective.

    Thanks!
    If the teacher is not handling the situation, then the next step would be to go to the director of that facility. If nothing is being done, I would definitely pull my child out of there.....or, teach her to protect/defend herself.

    The same thing happened to my older kids when I was doing daycare years back. My after-school girls were complaining about being bullied in school, and that the teacher didn't do anything about it. Their father already talked to the teacher too.

    I've always taught my kids not to hit. But seeing they're being victims, I changed my policy by telling them, not to hit FIRST.
    Last edited by betsy; 07-24-2013 at 05:29 AM.

  3. #13
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    The teacher is the one in charge. Children learn from her.
    I'd say that one of the most important lessons young children will learn is how to interact with others. That's a major part of social development. The daycare is letting the children down if they don't address that issue. There shouldn't be any excuse for such kind of aggression.

    When I had a new kid enrolled, I made sure that the others welcomed her as "one of us." The children knew when there'll be a new kid in the daycare days before the new kid started.

    Empathy. That's what children need to learn as early as possible.

  4. #14
    Euphoric !
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    As mentioned earlier, it can be more difficult to monitor such things in a truly effective way in a larger daycare setting. Here, I would absolutely provide a swift consequence to the aggressor (reprimand, time out) and quickly turn my attention to the victim. After the time out, I would have a quiet discussion with the aggressor about feelings, actions, etc. I've found it more beneficial to approach these situations in a gentle manner, letting the aggressor know that I want to know their feelings, understand them and will work with them on a better solution. I would absolutely not separate the kids. Quite the opposite actually. If they gravitate toward each other, clearly there's a bond there. They need guidance with regards to getting along and being sensitive to each other. It could very well be that both children have very justified feelings in this situation and both need to be addressed to facilitate happier interactions. They need to be provided the 'tools' to get along. I'd likely try to set up an activity including the 3 of us which addresses sharing, feelings, etc. In a large centre, this should be easy enough to accomplish due to having more staff. This was something I implemented regularly when I was head teacher of a Junior Preschool class.

    This is a great teaching opportunity! Here in my home daycare, when something like this arises and becomes something of regular concern, I incorporate a 'feelings and sharing' theme to my regular day for a week or so. We will read books about feelings and add actions to express those feelings. When angry comes up, I teach the children to make an angry face, growl and maybe stomp their feet. I tell them that sometimes, we feel soooo angry we might feel like we want to hurt someone, but that it's never ok to do that, because that will make our friends sad. I teach them other things to do to release the anger, so their friend knows they're upset but no one gets hurt. They need a release.....I'll take a scrunched up face and growling over hitting any day Then we move into sharing exercises. A favourite (we did this just yesterday again), I will have a treat handy (just one or 2). Yesterday it was red currant muffins. I gather everyone into a circle and talk about sharing. "I made these delicious muffins and I want to share one with all my friends!" I break a bite off and give one to each child. Of course they're all smiling, so we talk about our happy feeling and our smiles. I talk about how happy it makes me to share with my friends and ask if they would like to try sharing - it feels great! Once that's going well, I hand the children a piece (one at a time) and tell them to 'share' with one of the other kids....and cheer them on afterwards. Of course, it seems to be forgotten during the next scuffle, but I do see them implementing things I've taught them. It may not be every time, but I do see it so I know they're retaining some of the lessons.
    Last edited by cfred; 07-24-2013 at 07:11 AM.

  5. #15
    Expansive... Judy Trickett's Avatar
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    This thread is super old. I doubt the OP is around anymore.

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