Potty Training Question

[busydaycarelady]

I have a little one who is well over 3 in my care. The kid has finally decided to pee in the potty and now does so all the time at my house. Refuses to poop in the potty though. Will poop in their undies at LEAST once a day, generally 3 times. This child will even sit on the toilet (when I KNOW the kid has to poop) for 20 minutes and then the INSTANT it gets off the toilet, POOPS in the undies!!!!! As in, standing beside the toilet pooping. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! The parents solution is to put the kid in a diaper at home all the time(the kids will still sometimes use the potty at home, but not always because, well, it has a diaper on so why not use that?).......which is thwarting the progress we WERE making here. I suggested plastic pants over top of undies and when this kid poops, leave it for 5 minutes before changing the undies, just so it sinks in that this is NOT comfortable. Parents were okay with that idea, but, didn't want to have to wash undies AND plastic pants after, so at home diapers it is. The kid literally gets into it's home and mom and dad put a diaper on. So frustrating!!!!!!! Any suggestions?

[BlueRose]

I would not allow this kid to be in underwear until he is pooping in the toilet. The parents what YOU to potty train him. Its not your responsibility to train their child.
I would tell the parents to send pull-ups so he can still use the toilet if he wants but is much easier for you to clean up.

Parents were okay with that idea, but, didn't want to have to wash undies AND plastic pants after, so at home diapers it is

If a child in my care is potty train but has an accident, I put the underwear in a plastic bag, poop and all. I will not wash out the underwear for health reasons. You should be handing the underwear back to the parents full of poop, maybe them they will stop being so lazy and properly train their child.

[Crayola kiddies]

I have a suggestion..... If the parents are not interested in training their child then why should you. It is not your job! You are fighting a losing battle if the parents are not on board ..... If the child is going to be four this year will that mean he goes to school in sept? If so then he will need to be independently toileting. But the time being ... Give up!

[monkeys]

I made the mistake of allowing a child who was not pooping in the toilet wear underwear and I was rinsing it out. I steam cleaned my carpets and furniture twice a month for a year until he was trained. Now any child needs to be fully trained before underwear is worn at my house. It is the parents responsibility to potty train their child, I will take the child to the bathroom during natural breaks throughout the day, so they are used to using the toilet at my house. The rest is up to the parents.

[sunnydays]

Well, I am going through the same thing with my own daughter (although she is only 2.5). She does all her pees in the toilet, but will get off and poop in her underwear in the bathroom This week I am going codl turkey..no more pull-ups..only underwear, but I am not sure if it will work. I sat with her for 30 minutes yesterday and she really needed to poop, but just couldn't make it happen on the toilet. I think it is a comfort thing...there is something scary maybe about pooping on the toilet. So...I do see it from the parents point of view as well in that, if the child is pooping in his underwear every day 3 times a day and showing no signs of progress...well, there comes a point where you say, let's put a diaper on him and wait until he's ready. If i were you though, I definitely wouldn't be letting him go in underwear at your house until he is trained at home.

[Momof4]

I agree with all of the above: the child should be in a diaper or pullup until accident free for weeks or a month, if the parents aren't putting in the work why should you and this is not your job, it's the parent's job. Once he is doing well at home then you can put in the hard work too. I had a little boy who just went into undies on his 4th birthday at his Mom's insistence (fantastic dcMom!) because he would NOT poop in the potty so he stayed in pullups until he decided he was ready and after that he did just great.

[playfelt]

I would be using a pullup at daycare but still taking the child and expecting them to pee in the potty as normal. Absolutely no underwear till we poop in the potty consistently. Just because a child is wearing a diaper or pullup if they are truly mature enough for potty training it will happen even while wearing those. Not allowing messes of my house or furniture by someone else's child in the sense that it doesn't matter to me when or if they are ever trained since parents pay for diapers so the onus is on them to do something about it if they don't want to have to provide.

Right now the 2 1/2 year old I have is doing better than the 3 year old and we are doing this to get the 3 year old ready for school in Sept.

[Crayola kiddies]

my 3 yr old son who has been trained for a year now still wears a diaper when he sleeps cause he still pees when he sleeps, although many times when he gets up the diaper is still dry but the old time I don't put one on him for nap he pees the bed,,,, but when I first started training him he would only pee on the toilet and he would wait till I put the diaper on him for nap or bed time and then he would poop ...he was able to hold it (he never had an accident in his pants)..... then one day it was like a switch going on and he went in the toilet .....I think its a fear ...sometimes it plops and splashes them and that freaks them out

[torontokids]

I like the cold turkey method (no pull-ups) for my own kids but not for group care. One option I know has worked for other is put a pull-up over their underwear. That way, no washing plastic pants (as was their concern), the child still gets the uncomfortable feeling of soiled underwear and you get the containment needed.

Just an aside- my daughter was born with bowel problems and needed corrective surgeries at birth and as an infant. I have learned a thing or two about poop through it all, heh heh. The specialists at Sick Kids have told me that often kids can have a hard time relaxing their sphincters and sitting on a regular toilet can make that harder (as their legs are lower). Sitting on a potty can help this as they are mor ein a "squatting position" and also takes away the splash factor.

[kidlove]

I usually HATE the idea of using pullups, but in a situation like this, I would say....put one on this child. Not a diaper though, at least a pullup gives the child the sense that they are taking a step forward...I a firm on, NO DIAPER once the training begins, this child needs to know NO MORE IN PANTS! putting a diaper on part of the time and undies the rest is way too confusing and defeats the purpose of training! Given this child is still pooping in pants, they are not trained and need to be covered by more than undies. Underwear are a privilage and must be earned, if this child is filling his/her drawers each day with poop, they are not earning the right to have undies. I would definitely use positive reinforcement when doing well and at that age the expectations are higher, so I would also use some negitive reinforcement for the poops (losing priveledges etc.) When kids are having a hard time training, its not usually their fault as much as it can be the parent, in a situation like this one....it seems the mixed messages between your house and their house have this kid up in confussion. A lot of times I will put the preasure on the parents by informing them, if their child reaches the age of 3.5 or 4yrs tops and is not trained COMPLETELY! I can no longer provide care! you'd be surprised at how fast they will put in a good and solid effort! good luck!