Dealing with bullying

[sunnydays]

My heart goes out to you. My oldest son, who is now 17, was bullied when he was young as well. I am a very pacifist, peace-loving, sort of person and taught him to be gentle and kind, which he was and still is (as are my two little ones). However, at a point, I just got fed up. The school's policy was for the victim of bullying to go and tell a teacher. When he did that, the bullying got worse as he was no labeled as a tattle tale as well as whatever else they were bugging him for. While I do think it is very important to have consequences for the bullies and to teach them about the effects, I think the key when your own child is the victim, is to teach them not to be a victim. They have to learn to stand up for themselves and put a stop to it or it will continue to happen with new bullies throughout the years (my son was even picked on by a younger girl in his after school care when he was 8). I finally let my husband step in and handle it his way. He taught my son to kick back, punch back, push back if he were attacked. He did it and nearly got suspended, BUT he never had a problem with bullying after that. He learned that he did not have to lie down and take it from anyone. Once the bullies see that you are strong, they move on. I absolutely do not advocate violence and it was really hard to give my son permission to do this...but it saved him from a lifetime of being bullied. Now we are having a similar problem with my 4 year old, who is in JK. We have raised him to be gentle, kind, compassionate, and repectful. He is not aggressive like many of the other boys. Now he is being pushed, hit, bitten, etc and I am not wasting time this time...I now tell him if he is attacked, he can fight back. I know many won't agree with me, but I wanted to share my story as a mother who has been in your shoes. It hurt my heart every time my child would tell me someone had picked on him