So the mom and I couldn't connect last night as she fell asleep so I wrote her a letter with my concerns. She received the email and wrote me back very committed to making this work. She came this morning to do the school drop off and she saw how her youngest is and is on board for coming up with a plan. It is clear though that she is more of a negotiator than I e.g talk with him for 5 mins about the importance of mittens then another 10 mins about his options (I am more- let's figure this out then if it's still not working you get strapped in the stroller and go). I explained how this isn't possible all the time as I've got to get one kid to school and have 3 others standing around in snow suits. He is definitely difficult but as I've said all along, workable. The mom agrees that the drop off's don't seem to be working as he needs more time to settle into the program before heading out (which is what I've been saying). So we'll see.
Oh and she failed to mention that she and the boys just moved out 2 wks ago on their own. I learned that from the 3 yo. She had told me about the seperation but had said a yr a go.