Violent 3yo - WWYD?

[playfelt]

I would have the conversation with mom at pick up in front of the child and involve the child. Start by saying to mom oh XXXX needs to tell you what he was doing at daycare today that made us really upset (use us not me as in group not a personal attack even though it was but that is only part of the issues). Or better yet have the toy involved with you. Then say XXX needs to tell you how he didn't play nicely with this toy today. Talk him through the words to say and if he doesn't talk which he likely won't then say it for him. Do you need to tell mommy that you hit me in the face with this toy because you didn't get your own way. Even if he then just nods or smirks or in some way reacts mom will know it is the truth. Then turn to the mom and say the behaviours are out of control and enough is enough. He is hurting me, his sister and I fear for the safety of the other children in my care. I would probably leave it at that and let mom make the next move. You could say call me later if you want to talk.

Hopefully mom will get a wake up call at some point or at least do a double think the next time that night child misbehaves. Expect her to at some point admit that she doesn't know what to do. Suggest that she see her doctor and ask for a referral to a psychiatric clinic for children. With the current push towards mental health and getting to children as early as possible there may be hope of him being seen. What you are showing is that he is willfully hurting people for the shear pleasure it brings to him - that is totally a sign of issues that need to be addressed professionally.

I would use the parent's willingness to get professional help as one measure of whether I kept him or not. Also at what point do we have the right to become physical with a child for the protection of the others in care in the sense of restraining - it is different tying a 3 year old to a chair than it is putting a one year old in their high chair even if the reasoning is the same - stay put cause I said so.