Violent 3yo - WWYD?

[cfred]

I don't know if this helps at this point, but:

I had a little guy several years ago who had a pretty decent anger problem - temper tantrums, throwing things, hitting. Since clients were hard to come by out in the boonies, I worked with him on dealing with his anger, though I'm not a therapist in any way. We talked about good feelings and bad feelings and how sometimes we feel so mad we want to hit, scream, etc. I could see his behaviour was bothering him. So, I starting doing this 'breathing game' with him. When he felt angry (I saw it coming usually - eventually got to point of telling me) we would sit together and take a really deep breath in. That breath represented good feelings coming in. Okay, hold it! Super big breath out - that was the bad feelings going out. After each breath out, I'd say something like "Oh, I just saw some of your bad feelings leave! How wonderful! Shall we do it again?" He always wanted to do it again and after a few repetitions, he was calm, under control and feeling better. We had to seal those good feelings in with a big hug, which were often tearful for him, but he seemed almost relieved. I passed this on to his mom, who started using this method at home. Last we spoke, though a long time ago, she was still doing it! I was astonished that this worked as I had no idea what I was doing, but it really seemed to do the trick. We didn't have any violent outbursts after that. I had originally tried time outs, but found it exacerbated the tantrum. Sometimes, with some kids, there's a real, emotional issue that's beyond just normal 'booger behaviour'. This technique removed him from the situation and gave him a means to deal with his anger and to help it dissipate rather than submitting - I guess he felt like he wasn't being controlled.