Birthday Idea for a Mom

[ladyjbug]

OP, you do realize this is a PUBLIC forum, right? That means providers AND parents have access to it. Therefore if you post something that is not in the normal range for parental requests, some providers will feel the need to say that some of us would be offended by a request like that, especially in the passive aggressive way it was delivered by asking THROUGH the child. It is not negative to state an opinion on that and what it can allude to.

What was negative was this particular quote, posted by YOU:
I'm a caregiver. That requires me to CARE for the kids. And if I can't switch up a craft on short notice to include a simple card then I'm not much of a care giver. And if I automatically jump to the conclusion that the parent is "using" me to do their job then I'm not a very nice person either.

The assumptions that you made that those who choose not to do special for their families make them “not much of a caregiver” and “not very nice people” are very insulting to those of us who work very hard and just choose to run their business a bit differently. THAT is where your thread got nasty. You set the tone of the thread and a precedent by posting that expectation on a site where both providers and parents can read it and set their OWN expectations for their caregivers. The other posters are right to call you out on that.

For what it’s worth, if your post was truly just about wanting craft ideas and only input for craft ideas, why even add the reason or the manner/tone it was asked (i.e. HINT HINT)? It’s not needed if you just want craft ideas for a birthday. So, I am guessing you weren’t totally over the moon with the way you were asked either and that’s why that’s in there. Don’t jump on others for picking up on that.

[apples and bananas]

For what it’s worth, if your post was truly just about wanting craft ideas and only input for craft ideas, why even add the reason or the manner/tone it was asked (i.e. HINT HINT)? It’s not needed if you just want craft ideas for a birthday. So, I am guessing you weren’t totally over the moon with the way you were asked either and that’s why that’s in there. Don’t jump on others for picking up on that.

I have to wonder if people are reading all of the comments in the thread before posting their comments. I have said several times that I agree that it was sneaky in the way it was asked. I didn't agree with what was being asked... however... that's not why I created the post.

apparently my opinions are not ok but everyone elses are? I posted my opinions just as everyone else did.

[ladyjbug]

I have to wonder if people are reading all of the comments in the thread before posting their comments. I have said several times that I agree that it was sneaky in the way it was asked. I didn't agree with what was being asked... however... that's not why I created the post.

apparently my opinions are not ok but everyone elses are? I posted my opinions just as everyone else did.

Oh, I did read your posts. I thought I had summarized them quite nicely based on the first one setting the tone, but no problem, happy to address a few more of your opinions. Here are some other gems and how I interpreted them:

“I don't think I jumped down anyones throat and I'm sorry if I've offended you in a thread that you weren't involved in in the first place. Opinons were made, that I don't agree with. There for I made an opinion back... I have that right as well. “ -That opinion set the tone for your THREAD!

“My point is very simple. I asked for ideas. I didn't ask what people thought about doing crafts for parents birthdays. Opinions that were offered made me feel that they were judging me, or I was doing something wrong in their eyes. I think I have the right to defend that.” Meh. People have the right to post that they don’t think that’s right. As I stated before, if you were TRULY looking only for craft ideas, you wouldn’t need to post about the manner it was asked. Like I said, PUBLIC FORUM, setting a precedent, etc.

“I am all for different opinions. However, Only ones that are asked for or are relevant to the post.” This one made me laugh right out loud. I have already mentioned that these providers have the right to comment on a public forum when you are setting a precedent for other providers. They have the right to not agree with you.

“I'm just asking for people to be helpful. I could care less if someone thinks I'm wrong. I just wanted some fresh ideas... I get a lot of negative opinions. Yes please, let's move on.” Once again, the first negative post was from YOU. The providers are allowed to defend their position. Note the "move on" comment...it be important in just a bit.

“Wow! Once again, I didn't ask for opinions, I didn't ask to be judged. I asked for some craft ideas. We all run our business's differently. Different parents look for different things.” You are posting on a public forum. If you are posting on a public forum, then you take what you get. These providers have every right to defend their businesses and the way they are running them.

“ Thank you for clarifying what Judy's off handed comment refered to. It's unfortunate that she throws her opinions out there, but is not will to debate anything.” Apparently you didn’t want to “move on” as you are clearly GOADING Judy into a response.

“I'm not here to defend my business or how I run my dayhome.” But in your earlier quote, you said you had every right to defend yourself. So, what is it? If you didn't want to defend it and felt you had nothing to defend then you could have left it and not answered the posters you didn't agree with.

“however, I will tell all of you that I agree... I don't think it's our job to do a craft or card for a bday. I think it is much better when dad sits down with the kids to complete the work. I also agree that I don't think it's right to "speak through the child". I find it underhanded and sneaky too.” So it took a multitude of posts to FINALLY get around to what most of us had already guessed- you weren’t happy about the way you were asked. It took you until about page 3 to admit it.

“It's not like I'm putting up a sign on my front lawn "WILL MAKE CARDS FOR MOM"S BDAY" It's not like the 3 year old told the 2 year old and the 2 year old went home and told mom the unfair thing the provider did today” – It IS like you are putting up a sign because you are posting on a PUBLIC FORUM-that providers and parents can read and set their own expectations.

I think it's called being competitive. I do these things for my clients and my kids because it keeps me competitive. It's a small thing that means a lot. My clients will stay with me because I do these extras and they will recommend me because I do these extras.
So, I choose to stay competitive. I choose to LOVE my job and what I do. And I choose to come onto forums like this to gain advise, support and other views.”
So basically, you do understand why people are mad at you. Judy is right on. You are setting a precedent for other providers and you don’t care about that. And you don’t really care about doing these things like a “good caregiver” would, for caring for the children, you do it because it keeps you competitive. Glad you are contradicting yourself right, left and centre. Right on, cool. Get it.

“I appreciate your view Judy, I think it's a horribly negative way to look at life and our carreer choice, but I appreciate it just the same.” Patronizing much?

“I didn't ask what anyone thought about what I was doing... i asked for craft suggestions. Not sure how I could have reworded it to get a different response then what I got.” – Like I said, if you TRULY just wanted craft suggestions, you don’t mention the manner in which it was asked. You could say “Hey, does anyone have any great suggestions for a craft? One of my DCKs’ parents has a birthday today and wants to surprise them!” Not “My client asked THROUGH his child to make a birthday card for his mother, hint hint”

Aggh. I am pretty sure that I didn't get through to you, or any of the others calling names. But yes, people that are proud of their businesses will continue to post when they believe a provider is being demeaned, especially when it is a public forum and will set a precedent for other providers. I think your parent's request, especially the manner it was delivered in, was out of line. If you think it's fine, then cool. Do it! But don't advertise it as the norm and demean other providers in the process, and THEN play victim. I think you probably could have found a number of awesome crafts and did them in the time it took to write nasty responses to everyone who didn't agree with you.

[Nottellin']

Oh, I did read your posts. I thought I had summarized them quite nicely based on the first one setting the tone, but no problem, happy to address a few more of your opinions. Here are some other gems and how I interpreted them:

“I don't think I jumped down anyones throat and I'm sorry if I've offended you in a thread that you weren't involved in in the first place. Opinons were made, that I don't agree with. There for I made an opinion back... I have that right as well. “ -That opinion set the tone for your THREAD!

“My point is very simple. I asked for ideas. I didn't ask what people thought about doing crafts for parents birthdays. Opinions that were offered made me feel that they were judging me, or I was doing something wrong in their eyes. I think I have the right to defend that.” Meh. People have the right to post that they don’t think that’s right. As I stated before, if you were TRULY looking only for craft ideas, you wouldn’t need to post about the manner it was asked. Like I said, PUBLIC FORUM, setting a precedent, etc.

“I am all for different opinions. However, Only ones that are asked for or are relevant to the post.” This one made me laugh right out loud. I have already mentioned that these providers have the right to comment on a public forum when you are setting a precedent for other providers. They have the right to not agree with you.

“I'm just asking for people to be helpful. I could care less if someone thinks I'm wrong. I just wanted some fresh ideas... I get a lot of negative opinions. Yes please, let's move on.” Once again, the first negative post was from YOU. The providers are allowed to defend their position. Note the "move on" comment...it be important in just a bit.

“Wow! Once again, I didn't ask for opinions, I didn't ask to be judged. I asked for some craft ideas. We all run our business's differently. Different parents look for different things.” You are posting on a public forum. If you are posting on a public forum, then you take what you get. These providers have every right to defend their businesses and the way they are running them.

“ Thank you for clarifying what Judy's off handed comment refered to. It's unfortunate that she throws her opinions out there, but is not will to debate anything.” Apparently you didn’t want to “move on” as you are clearly GOADING Judy into a response.

“I'm not here to defend my business or how I run my dayhome.” But in your earlier quote, you said you had every right to defend yourself. So, what is it? If you didn't want to defend it and felt you had nothing to defend then you could have left it and not answered the posters you didn't agree with.

“however, I will tell all of you that I agree... I don't think it's our job to do a craft or card for a bday. I think it is much better when dad sits down with the kids to complete the work. I also agree that I don't think it's right to "speak through the child". I find it underhanded and sneaky too.” So it took a multitude of posts to FINALLY get around to what most of us had already guessed- you weren’t happy about the way you were asked. It took you until about page 3 to admit it.

“It's not like I'm putting up a sign on my front lawn "WILL MAKE CARDS FOR MOM"S BDAY" It's not like the 3 year old told the 2 year old and the 2 year old went home and told mom the unfair thing the provider did today” – It IS like you are putting up a sign because you are posting on a PUBLIC FORUM-that providers and parents can read and set their own expectations.

I think it's called being competitive. I do these things for my clients and my kids because it keeps me competitive. It's a small thing that means a lot. My clients will stay with me because I do these extras and they will recommend me because I do these extras.
So, I choose to stay competitive. I choose to LOVE my job and what I do. And I choose to come onto forums like this to gain advise, support and other views.”
So basically, you do understand why people are mad at you. Judy is right on. You are setting a precedent for other providers and you don’t care about that. And you don’t really care about doing these things like a “good caregiver” would, for caring for the children, you do it because it keeps you competitive. Glad you are contradicting yourself right, left and centre. Right on, cool. Get it.

“I appreciate your view Judy, I think it's a horribly negative way to look at life and our carreer choice, but I appreciate it just the same.” Patronizing much?

“I didn't ask what anyone thought about what I was doing... i asked for craft suggestions. Not sure how I could have reworded it to get a different response then what I got.” – Like I said, if you TRULY just wanted craft suggestions, you don’t mention the manner in which it was asked. You could say “Hey, does anyone have any great suggestions for a craft? One of my DCKs’ parents has a birthday today and wants to surprise them!” Not “My client asked THROUGH his child to make a birthday card for his mother, hint hint”

Aggh. I am pretty sure that I didn't get through to you, or any of the others calling names. But yes, people that are proud of their businesses will continue to post when they believe a provider is being demeaned, especially when it is a public forum and will set a precedent for other providers. I think your parent's request, especially the manner it was delivered in, was out of line. If you think it's fine, then cool. Do it! But don't advertise it as the norm and demean other providers in the process, and THEN play victim. I think you probably could have found a number of awesome crafts and did them in the time it took to write nasty responses to everyone who didn't agree with you.

I hate doing long quotes like this...but you are AWESOME. You pretty much summed up what I had to say.

[mumstheword]

For what it’s worth, if your post was truly just about wanting craft ideas and only input for craft ideas, why even add the reason or the manner/tone it was asked (i.e. HINT HINT)? It’s not needed if you just want craft ideas for a birthday. So, I am guessing you weren’t totally over the moon with the way you were asked either and that’s why that’s in there. Don’t jump on others for picking up on that.

I was gonna say that earlier. It really doesn't look like you were sincerely looking for craft ideas OP. It seems more like you wanted praise and back pats for being so darn fantastic. OR, you were looking to see how others would feel about doing a birhtday craft for a parent.

[apples and bananas]

I was gonna say that earlier. It really doesn't look like you were sincerely looking for craft ideas OP. It seems more like you wanted praise and back pats for being so darn fantastic. OR, you were looking to see how others would feel about doing a birhtday craft for a parent.

Nope, just wanted some craft ideas. And I got them. Several ppl PM'd me some great ideas.

[Artsand crafts]

A very creative way to be firm and avoid people taking advantage and still looking profesional. Thank you for your comment, Bright sparks!

[Bugaboo]

Wow ladies. I honestly feel really sorry for some of you. I really do. A&B, I think Judy's argument is coming from a place of genuine concern for you-- even if you don't read it that way. When some of us read your original post, it sounded like that parent was sort of ordering you to make a craft through his child. It rubbed me, and clearly some others the wrong way. Maybe you didn't take it that way and maybe the parent didn't mean it that way, we don't know, we weren't there. I'm going to go out on limb and assume that you, like most of us, plan your day. I bet you had yesterday more or less mapped out. You spent time (probably your free time) organizing your meals and your activities. It bothered me that a parent would come in and say to you (albeit through his child, which in itself is childish) to make a card/craft for his wife. That undermines YOU. You probably had a lovely day planned for your kids but this parent didn't acknowledge that. He made an assumption that he could throw yet another responsibility at you. I think a craft for mom's birthday is a lovely gesture that would be even better coming from the joint effort of father and child bonding time, not because you were given more work to do. This parent did what he did because he knew he could get away with it. He knew you would do it. If it doesn't make you feel taken advantage of then fine, all is well in your world. I know if a parent said that to me, I would be hurt. Hurt, that the day I planned was somehow not good enough or that I was already doing was not enough. I also know that the group of parents I have now would not ask me what this parent asked of you. Not because I don't care, not because I don't love my day care kids, but because they respect my the running of my day home. I felt like this particular parent was not respecting you and that is why I can see why Judy and the others are posting what they are posting.

[Daycare123]

I think Judy's argument is coming from a place of genuine concern for you-- even if you don't read it that way.....

.....the group of parents I have now would not ask me what this parent asked of you. Not because I don't care, not because I don't love my day care kids, but because they respect my the running of my day home. I felt like this particular parent was not respecting you and that is why I can see why Judy and the others are posting what they are posting.

I completely agree with both of Bugaboo's points!

[KingstonMom]

To avoid all the drama and get to your original question, I lilke some of the craft ideas here and I actually JUST made the pasta necklaces yesterday! All the kids loved them, we worked on patterns and putting them in order of colour etc. A great hit! The bookmark idea sounds simple and nice too!

As a "unicorn provider" I have had a mom drop off her daughter and say to her: "remember, after daycare, we are going to Aunt Shelley's birthday dinner!". Well, I helped the little girl make a birthday card for her Aunt Shelley. It was a simple, thoughtful gesture and mom appreciated it. I really would have no problem making a card for Mommy or Daddy, even if it was told to me thru the child as previously mentioned.
I dont agree that if we do it for one family, we need to do it for them all. I dont record parents birthdays, so they probably wont get one year after year!

The only time this would tick me off is if a parent said "its Mommys birthday, could you please something up for her? thanks" hahaha I think I would immediately be too busy to accomodate then. Them "hinting" to maybe if we had time etc, then I'm sure I can whip something up quite quickly!
Especially if it was the dad who asked, he is probably alot like my husband and I literally need to pull out the paper, glue, markers, glitter etc for him to sit down and help my son make ME a birthday card! Hopeless lol

Sorry you got the sidetracked opinions not about what you were originally asking about.
I always think twice about posting threads because of the criticism that goes along with it.