Birthday Idea for a Mom

[KingstonMom]

To avoid all the drama and get to your original question, I lilke some of the craft ideas here and I actually JUST made the pasta necklaces yesterday! All the kids loved them, we worked on patterns and putting them in order of colour etc. A great hit! The bookmark idea sounds simple and nice too!

As a "unicorn provider" I have had a mom drop off her daughter and say to her: "remember, after daycare, we are going to Aunt Shelley's birthday dinner!". Well, I helped the little girl make a birthday card for her Aunt Shelley. It was a simple, thoughtful gesture and mom appreciated it. I really would have no problem making a card for Mommy or Daddy, even if it was told to me thru the child as previously mentioned.
I dont agree that if we do it for one family, we need to do it for them all. I dont record parents birthdays, so they probably wont get one year after year!

The only time this would tick me off is if a parent said "its Mommys birthday, could you please something up for her? thanks" hahaha I think I would immediately be too busy to accomodate then. Them "hinting" to maybe if we had time etc, then I'm sure I can whip something up quite quickly!
Especially if it was the dad who asked, he is probably alot like my husband and I literally need to pull out the paper, glue, markers, glitter etc for him to sit down and help my son make ME a birthday card! Hopeless lol

Sorry you got the sidetracked opinions not about what you were originally asking about.
I always think twice about posting threads because of the criticism that goes along with it.

[apples and bananas]

I see it differently. I didn't get offended. I thought it was cute and I saw it as an opportunity to wow mom. I took it as a compliment. This father knows that I have a great connection with his son. And I didn't tell him i would do it, I told him that we would do our best to make some time for that. I do have a structured day. I also understand that they're kids. Structure sometimes turns into flexability.

I think it's very clear that Judy specificially (because she's the only one that gave this side of the argument) wasn't concerned about me being taken advantage of. Her point was clear that by doing this I set a standard for all providers.

And maybe that's ok. Maybe we all need to re look at our day. And try to find time for the little things. I do this because I love it. I get to stay home with my own children (which I don't always love btw) and I get to be part of developing some other amazing kids. I choose the families I want to work with and am not afraid to dismiss the ones I don't. I don't do it as a money maker. It's not... we all know that.

All of my families treat me very well. So for one of them to make an inocent comment about a card is not even something that makes me think twice. As a matter of fact, I wish I knew all of their birthdays, because they make it a point to know mine, and my childrens. And the look on that little guys face when he gave his card to his mom was awesome! How can that be a bad thing?

I don't spend my free time planning. I have free play planned into my day and I spend that time working on what's next. I believe in a 9 hr day. I do very llittle between the time daycare closes and the time it opens. I don't even do the dishes on Friday night, that's my full night off of everything.

My issue with this thread and those who commented is very simple. It was a request for craft ideas. If you were interested in looking for others opinions on parents asking us to go above and beyond then it should have been a new thread. I understand sometimes threads take a wrong turn. The turn this one made stopped those who probably had great ideas from posting them.

Comments started very hard and fast and they felt accusing to me too. Taking a simple card request and making into a debate of how much we do in a day.

You are all wonderful providers I'm sure... and for those who didn't offer craft ideas, it's unfortunate that you immediately went on the defensive instead helping a fellow provider out.

[ladyjbug]

I have to wonder if people are reading all of the comments in the thread before posting their comments. I have said several times that I agree that it was sneaky in the way it was asked. I didn't agree with what was being asked... however... that's not why I created the post.

apparently my opinions are not ok but everyone elses are? I posted my opinions just as everyone else did.

Oh, I did read your posts. I thought I had summarized them quite nicely based on the first one setting the tone, but no problem, happy to address a few more of your opinions. Here are some other gems and how I interpreted them:

“I don't think I jumped down anyones throat and I'm sorry if I've offended you in a thread that you weren't involved in in the first place. Opinons were made, that I don't agree with. There for I made an opinion back... I have that right as well. “ -That opinion set the tone for your THREAD!

“My point is very simple. I asked for ideas. I didn't ask what people thought about doing crafts for parents birthdays. Opinions that were offered made me feel that they were judging me, or I was doing something wrong in their eyes. I think I have the right to defend that.” Meh. People have the right to post that they don’t think that’s right. As I stated before, if you were TRULY looking only for craft ideas, you wouldn’t need to post about the manner it was asked. Like I said, PUBLIC FORUM, setting a precedent, etc.

“I am all for different opinions. However, Only ones that are asked for or are relevant to the post.” This one made me laugh right out loud. I have already mentioned that these providers have the right to comment on a public forum when you are setting a precedent for other providers. They have the right to not agree with you.

“I'm just asking for people to be helpful. I could care less if someone thinks I'm wrong. I just wanted some fresh ideas... I get a lot of negative opinions. Yes please, let's move on.” Once again, the first negative post was from YOU. The providers are allowed to defend their position. Note the "move on" comment...it be important in just a bit.

“Wow! Once again, I didn't ask for opinions, I didn't ask to be judged. I asked for some craft ideas. We all run our business's differently. Different parents look for different things.” You are posting on a public forum. If you are posting on a public forum, then you take what you get. These providers have every right to defend their businesses and the way they are running them.

“ Thank you for clarifying what Judy's off handed comment refered to. It's unfortunate that she throws her opinions out there, but is not will to debate anything.” Apparently you didn’t want to “move on” as you are clearly GOADING Judy into a response.

“I'm not here to defend my business or how I run my dayhome.” But in your earlier quote, you said you had every right to defend yourself. So, what is it? If you didn't want to defend it and felt you had nothing to defend then you could have left it and not answered the posters you didn't agree with.

“however, I will tell all of you that I agree... I don't think it's our job to do a craft or card for a bday. I think it is much better when dad sits down with the kids to complete the work. I also agree that I don't think it's right to "speak through the child". I find it underhanded and sneaky too.” So it took a multitude of posts to FINALLY get around to what most of us had already guessed- you weren’t happy about the way you were asked. It took you until about page 3 to admit it.

“It's not like I'm putting up a sign on my front lawn "WILL MAKE CARDS FOR MOM"S BDAY" It's not like the 3 year old told the 2 year old and the 2 year old went home and told mom the unfair thing the provider did today” – It IS like you are putting up a sign because you are posting on a PUBLIC FORUM-that providers and parents can read and set their own expectations.

I think it's called being competitive. I do these things for my clients and my kids because it keeps me competitive. It's a small thing that means a lot. My clients will stay with me because I do these extras and they will recommend me because I do these extras.
So, I choose to stay competitive. I choose to LOVE my job and what I do. And I choose to come onto forums like this to gain advise, support and other views.”
So basically, you do understand why people are mad at you. Judy is right on. You are setting a precedent for other providers and you don’t care about that. And you don’t really care about doing these things like a “good caregiver” would, for caring for the children, you do it because it keeps you competitive. Glad you are contradicting yourself right, left and centre. Right on, cool. Get it.

“I appreciate your view Judy, I think it's a horribly negative way to look at life and our carreer choice, but I appreciate it just the same.” Patronizing much?

“I didn't ask what anyone thought about what I was doing... i asked for craft suggestions. Not sure how I could have reworded it to get a different response then what I got.” – Like I said, if you TRULY just wanted craft suggestions, you don’t mention the manner in which it was asked. You could say “Hey, does anyone have any great suggestions for a craft? One of my DCKs’ parents has a birthday today and wants to surprise them!” Not “My client asked THROUGH his child to make a birthday card for his mother, hint hint”

Aggh. I am pretty sure that I didn't get through to you, or any of the others calling names. But yes, people that are proud of their businesses will continue to post when they believe a provider is being demeaned, especially when it is a public forum and will set a precedent for other providers. I think your parent's request, especially the manner it was delivered in, was out of line. If you think it's fine, then cool. Do it! But don't advertise it as the norm and demean other providers in the process, and THEN play victim. I think you probably could have found a number of awesome crafts and did them in the time it took to write nasty responses to everyone who didn't agree with you.

[sunnydays]

I would have been more ticked off having it asked through the child because at that point, there is no easy way to say no. Not doing it would disappoint the child who is now expecting it. It's like saying to the child, "maybe if you're good, sunnydays will give you ice cream today"...well, when I don't pull out the ice cream, the child is going to have a melt-down and think either he is not "good" or I am just mean. That would be my issue with this way of doing things.

To avoid all the drama and get to your original question, I lilke some of the craft ideas here and I actually JUST made the pasta necklaces yesterday! All the kids loved them, we worked on patterns and putting them in order of colour etc. A great hit! The bookmark idea sounds simple and nice too!

As a "unicorn provider" I have had a mom drop off her daughter and say to her: "remember, after daycare, we are going to Aunt Shelley's birthday dinner!". Well, I helped the little girl make a birthday card for her Aunt Shelley. It was a simple, thoughtful gesture and mom appreciated it. I really would have no problem making a card for Mommy or Daddy, even if it was told to me thru the child as previously mentioned.
I dont agree that if we do it for one family, we need to do it for them all. I dont record parents birthdays, so they probably wont get one year after year!

The only time this would tick me off is if a parent said "its Mommys birthday, could you please something up for her? thanks" hahaha I think I would immediately be too busy to accomodate then. Them "hinting" to maybe if we had time etc, then I'm sure I can whip something up quite quickly!
Especially if it was the dad who asked, he is probably alot like my husband and I literally need to pull out the paper, glue, markers, glitter etc for him to sit down and help my son make ME a birthday card! Hopeless lol

Sorry you got the sidetracked opinions not about what you were originally asking about.
I always think twice about posting threads because of the criticism that goes along with it.

[mumstheword]

For what it’s worth, if your post was truly just about wanting craft ideas and only input for craft ideas, why even add the reason or the manner/tone it was asked (i.e. HINT HINT)? It’s not needed if you just want craft ideas for a birthday. So, I am guessing you weren’t totally over the moon with the way you were asked either and that’s why that’s in there. Don’t jump on others for picking up on that.

I was gonna say that earlier. It really doesn't look like you were sincerely looking for craft ideas OP. It seems more like you wanted praise and back pats for being so darn fantastic. OR, you were looking to see how others would feel about doing a birhtday craft for a parent.

[apples and bananas]

I was gonna say that earlier. It really doesn't look like you were sincerely looking for craft ideas OP. It seems more like you wanted praise and back pats for being so darn fantastic. OR, you were looking to see how others would feel about doing a birhtday craft for a parent.

Nope, just wanted some craft ideas. And I got them. Several ppl PM'd me some great ideas.

[Nottellin']

So, I choose to stay competitive. I choose to LOVE my job and what I do. And I choose to come onto forums like this to gain advise, support and other views.

I appreciate your view Judy, I think it's a horribly negative way to look at life and our carreer choice, but I appreciate it just the same.

So if you choose to get other opinions why were you so offended when Judy gave hers?

I have to ask...how long have you been running a daycare? I can garuntee that Judy has way more experience and child care hours under her belt then you. Maybe instead of getting defensive you should try to hear what someone with a ton of experience was trying to tell you.

Sometimes things like "make a birthday gift" trickle into other expectations and thus lead to real problems.

And I know you think what you are doing is valued...but it isn't. When someone values the job you do, the don't ask you to do more because they already think that you already do more then enough. This parent implied that you don't do enough and so he asked you to do more.

[Nottellin']

Oh, I did read your posts. I thought I had summarized them quite nicely based on the first one setting the tone, but no problem, happy to address a few more of your opinions. Here are some other gems and how I interpreted them:

“I don't think I jumped down anyones throat and I'm sorry if I've offended you in a thread that you weren't involved in in the first place. Opinons were made, that I don't agree with. There for I made an opinion back... I have that right as well. “ -That opinion set the tone for your THREAD!

“My point is very simple. I asked for ideas. I didn't ask what people thought about doing crafts for parents birthdays. Opinions that were offered made me feel that they were judging me, or I was doing something wrong in their eyes. I think I have the right to defend that.” Meh. People have the right to post that they don’t think that’s right. As I stated before, if you were TRULY looking only for craft ideas, you wouldn’t need to post about the manner it was asked. Like I said, PUBLIC FORUM, setting a precedent, etc.

“I am all for different opinions. However, Only ones that are asked for or are relevant to the post.” This one made me laugh right out loud. I have already mentioned that these providers have the right to comment on a public forum when you are setting a precedent for other providers. They have the right to not agree with you.

“I'm just asking for people to be helpful. I could care less if someone thinks I'm wrong. I just wanted some fresh ideas... I get a lot of negative opinions. Yes please, let's move on.” Once again, the first negative post was from YOU. The providers are allowed to defend their position. Note the "move on" comment...it be important in just a bit.

“Wow! Once again, I didn't ask for opinions, I didn't ask to be judged. I asked for some craft ideas. We all run our business's differently. Different parents look for different things.” You are posting on a public forum. If you are posting on a public forum, then you take what you get. These providers have every right to defend their businesses and the way they are running them.

“ Thank you for clarifying what Judy's off handed comment refered to. It's unfortunate that she throws her opinions out there, but is not will to debate anything.” Apparently you didn’t want to “move on” as you are clearly GOADING Judy into a response.

“I'm not here to defend my business or how I run my dayhome.” But in your earlier quote, you said you had every right to defend yourself. So, what is it? If you didn't want to defend it and felt you had nothing to defend then you could have left it and not answered the posters you didn't agree with.

“however, I will tell all of you that I agree... I don't think it's our job to do a craft or card for a bday. I think it is much better when dad sits down with the kids to complete the work. I also agree that I don't think it's right to "speak through the child". I find it underhanded and sneaky too.” So it took a multitude of posts to FINALLY get around to what most of us had already guessed- you weren’t happy about the way you were asked. It took you until about page 3 to admit it.

“It's not like I'm putting up a sign on my front lawn "WILL MAKE CARDS FOR MOM"S BDAY" It's not like the 3 year old told the 2 year old and the 2 year old went home and told mom the unfair thing the provider did today” – It IS like you are putting up a sign because you are posting on a PUBLIC FORUM-that providers and parents can read and set their own expectations.

I think it's called being competitive. I do these things for my clients and my kids because it keeps me competitive. It's a small thing that means a lot. My clients will stay with me because I do these extras and they will recommend me because I do these extras.
So, I choose to stay competitive. I choose to LOVE my job and what I do. And I choose to come onto forums like this to gain advise, support and other views.”
So basically, you do understand why people are mad at you. Judy is right on. You are setting a precedent for other providers and you don’t care about that. And you don’t really care about doing these things like a “good caregiver” would, for caring for the children, you do it because it keeps you competitive. Glad you are contradicting yourself right, left and centre. Right on, cool. Get it.

“I appreciate your view Judy, I think it's a horribly negative way to look at life and our carreer choice, but I appreciate it just the same.” Patronizing much?

“I didn't ask what anyone thought about what I was doing... i asked for craft suggestions. Not sure how I could have reworded it to get a different response then what I got.” – Like I said, if you TRULY just wanted craft suggestions, you don’t mention the manner in which it was asked. You could say “Hey, does anyone have any great suggestions for a craft? One of my DCKs’ parents has a birthday today and wants to surprise them!” Not “My client asked THROUGH his child to make a birthday card for his mother, hint hint”

Aggh. I am pretty sure that I didn't get through to you, or any of the others calling names. But yes, people that are proud of their businesses will continue to post when they believe a provider is being demeaned, especially when it is a public forum and will set a precedent for other providers. I think your parent's request, especially the manner it was delivered in, was out of line. If you think it's fine, then cool. Do it! But don't advertise it as the norm and demean other providers in the process, and THEN play victim. I think you probably could have found a number of awesome crafts and did them in the time it took to write nasty responses to everyone who didn't agree with you.

I hate doing long quotes like this...but you are AWESOME. You pretty much summed up what I had to say.

[KingstonMom]

This parent implied that you don't do enough and so he asked you to do more.

I think you are over thinking this.
Its just a Dad dropping off his kid to a daycare simply asking a favour of the provider.
Relax people!!!!

Whats next?? You are the kind of people who dont hold doors open for others because "If you do it for one, you will be stuck doing it for them all!!"
Where is a little common courteousy and generosity?!

[sunnydays]

A & B, I totally agree that flexibility is needed in home daycare. I have tons of flexibility and often do activities, crafts, etc spur of the moment because the kids ask for it or a question from a child leads to a great activity, etc etc etc. I don't think most of us have a problem with that, but rather the way it is assumed by a parent that it's no big deal to do this.
But, more importantly...I actually wasn't going to post again as this thread is getting rather long.....but I cannot let this go. You said that you don't do daycare as a "money-maker". Well, I am sorry, but I DO! There is no way, much as a I love kids, that I would take in 5 kids every day ll day if I were not making money doing it. Perhaps that' s why I value things like paid stat holidays, paid vacation days, and paid personal days and being paid a decent rate on time and without any argument from parents. I work HARD in this job. I deserve to be paid fairly and to be able to afford to support my family. That is why I am doing it. To stay home and to make a living while raising my kids. I love what I do and find it very rewarding watching the kids grow and thrive....but there is NO way I would do it for free or even for the extremely low rates some providers charge. I would find that demoralizing and it would not be worth putting all of this time and energy into. Every time a daycare provider says they are not in it for the money, we all take a collective step backwards. It reaffirms the public view that we should not want to be paid well...that the pure joy of looking at those little faces and wiping those little bums should be enough. For me, there is no job joyful enough that I would submit myself to these demands and not be financially compensated for it. If I wanted a job like that, I would be a volunteer.