Need More Advice. Would This Bother You?

[Momof4]

What did you say to them? "due to a buncha little stuff, I'm tossing you"? That's what I basically feel like I have to say to them at this point.

I am resurrecting this thread, because I am having the DAY FROM HELL with the siblings today. I actually cried this morning, it was that awful. My other dcb even said to me, "why don't you tell their mom that they can't come here any more?". He's FIVE lol.

We've had four separate incidents just this morning. In the course of these incidents, dcb has

-hit a 19 mo in the back of the head with a toy
-kicked me in the stomach
-screamed in my face
-grabbed his baby sister around the waist and tackled her to the ground
-yelled NO several times at me
-refused to come in from outdoor play

I am ripping my hair out here. I have an interview on Monday morning with a family who are looking for full time care for their two kids (school age), and if I like them and they like me, I am terminating. This morning, mom said again that she had no idea why he acts like this with me, because he's never tried to hit her or kick her. I've seen him hit AND kick her at pick up. So, there's also that...

Kick me in the butt, fellow dcp's! I have to let this family go, and I am so chicken to do it.

Holy crap, that is not GREY AREAS, that is violence and according to my contract, grounds for immediate termination without any problems. I had problems terminating my problem family because it wasn't anything as cut and dried as blatant violence. Oh Alphagetti, I hope you have terminated by now!

[Artsand crafts]

I have been in your shoes and chickened out as well. You will see the light after the tunnel when they are gone . Go girl!!

[Sandbox Sally]

thanks everyone

[Bookworm]

Unfortunately, your decision to terminate is a business decision that NEEDS to be made for your own health.
Who knows how long it will take things to settle down at home. I mean, they may need to play with her dosage etc... and although she is now on meds, that doesn't always fix bad habits/behaviour that they are doing at home to make it stressful etc. (Do you know what I mean?)
I'm not suggesting that we should not take this stuff into account, however, the fact that they were able to bring you to tears yesterday, shows just how stressed out you are with them here. I would not think you heartless at all if you went through with the termination.
If it would make you feel better why don't you set up a timeline for improvement and get mom on board, that way you gave them another chance, but with a definitive amount of time to see improvement.

[Skysue]

I would have another chat with her and let her know that you understand her stresses and that you have been doing everything in your power to make things work. With that said though she and her husband need to be on the same page or it just won't work.

Give them a time line if you want or give them a months notice. You have clearly already made up your mind, her life stresses are not yours to work out.

Don't let her guilt you into keeping her children.

I was in your situation and I ended up recommending Montessori school for the oldest and I kept the baby in my care. That older child clearly needs a fully structured environment with peers not younger children to bully.

[ladyjbug]

I personally would find it easier to terminate after this. First of all, where was the meds explanation when they were telling you it was ALL YOUR FAULT and the kid never acts this way with them? Where was the meds explanation when the Dad said, "No, it's you, the baby is fine with the grandparents". Now that tack is not working for them anymore, so they are going the sympathy route. This kid could seriously hurt your business. He could seriously hurt you or the other children. He could hurt your reputation and cost you clients. Just say "I'm sorry for all the trouble you are going through. However, I have given more than enough time to try and work things out and XX and YY are just not good fits here. In a group care situation I have to think of the well-being of all the children and therefore your termination is effective this date."

If you feel generous, give them the two weeks. I personally would not give them two weeks. First of all, that is two weeks that the kid could hurt someone and then you have more parents involved and it hurts your business. Second, due to the accusatory nature of both parents, I wouldn't put it past them to get even nastier during the notice and try to ruin things for you. I would just take the loss, emphasize that his behavior is SUCH A RISK that he cannot be welcomed back and be done with them today.

Just my two cents.

[Sandbox Sally]

ladyjbug, I liked your wording. Thank you. I appreciate this advice, and all the advice from everyone else.

[Crayola kiddies]

Lady j makes a good point !!

[Bookworm]

Don't feel like an a$%! You are doing the right thing!!!
Do something to treat yourself this weekend after the horrible week you have been through!!!

[ladyjbug]

Don't feel bad. They are doing what works for them and trying to keep care as long as they can. I get that to some degree, but in the same vein, you should not feel bad about doing what works for you. I have had a nasty termination in the past with people just like this. They did get very angry and showed their true colors when I did it and I spent a lot of time doubting that I did the right thing, even though they were very clearly in the wrong and the kids were a threat to my business. The first day I didn't have to dread those kids on my doorstep was the greatest, most stress-free day I can remember. The group dynamic changed and I loved my job again. Good for you for terminating. We are all here for you.