Parents that constantly engage there toddlers every move!

[Skysue]

I have a daycare Mom that engages her child's every move, she articulates everything she does.

This child is so needy it took forever for her to transition, she has melt downs if I don't come running every time she wants something. Even when she was brought to the park on her off days by her Mom the poor dear never got to play on her own. They would talk about the slide, talk about doing things in the sand...talk, talk, talk...

This poor kid was devastated when she came to the park with me she would scream if she got sand on her pants. I would take her to the slide let her get in line with her friends then I would go sit down. The screams that would come from her the second she knew I went to sit were over the top. She would always come and sit by my side and would refuse to move.

She finally started to come into her own but still has some issues, her meltdowns are brutal and I wish I could say something to the Mom but I'm in fear of insulting her. I just don't understand this style of parenting, I have a hard time breathing just thinking about it.

[torontokids]

What if you present it to mom like this "I've noticed that dcg has a really difficult time playing by herself. One thing that I've been trying is to wait before coming when she calls, encouraging her to play by herself with her friends etc. Do you think you could help her develop these skills at home as well so we can support her to become more independent? I find when I present things to parents with how the problems are affecting the child (not us) they are more responsive. E.g. Negatively impacting peer relations

[michellesmunchkins]

All I can say is good luck. I have had 2 kids in care like this over the years and it honestly was the hardest type of child to work with. The days they came were the longest in history lol. I spent months trying to get them to play/work or do anything independently and no go! They left to go on mat leave and when they wanted to return I was suddenly full I have no suggestions other than to stay consistent every single time she does it! Encourage free/independent play. Have the other children model independent play and show her that so and so is playing very well with the fire truck etc

[playfelt]

Can you use the time at the park to show the mom that the child is being impacted negatively such as having the group do something and then when she protests saying something like sorry XXXX but mommy and I need to have an adult conversation while you play with your friends in the sand and then turn to mom and talk about anything. Say let's go sit over here on the bench where we can see the children play. Then sort of steer her away from the child - gently of course. Every time the child comes running be the one to speak to the child saying you need to go play with your friends. Mommy can't always be your playmate things like that. In time the parent may see that she is having a negative influence on the child.

[playfelt]

The constantly talking is a form of parenting taken to the extreme of course - yes we are told in all the good baby books to respond to our child's cries - but we all know response time can allow us to go pee or swallow that last bite of lunch before we do. The baby books say to talk to the child and help them explore their world as a way of encouraging language - what it does it cause the child to shut down and not hear a thing the parent is actually saying - like a drone of noise in the background of their day. If parents only realized instead of teaching language they are teaching their child to ignore them.

[daycaremom9]

I have to respond to this! I was one of those moms that is guilty of this. I tended to overprotect as well, probably because my mom did the exact opposite and wasn't really present. I would have been insulted but in the long run it would have been great to have been steered in the right direction. If we could only go back!

[Momof4]

I definitely have this talk with new parents at daycare. Children have to learn to play independently and amuse themselves wherever they are, playing with toys or at the park without constantly needing an adult's attention or approval. Some parents tell their children "Good Job" for every little thing they do and I think it's important to save it for the bigger things. I do talk to the children as I'm putting on their clothes or feeding them because I think it helps little ones learn language quicker, but there are limits. Sometimes children just need to play, it's what they do.