Parent on Vacation

[Artsand crafts]

Me time is ok, but there are parents that seem they want to stay away from their kids (maybe is not the case, but they make it hard to think otherwise). I used to have a teacher when I started with an agency and was open 11 hrs. Everyday the child would stay the 11 hrs with me and occasionally the mom will be late. So the kid will stay up to 12 hours sometimes. He will come during PA days, school vacation days, etc the FULL time. The kid was hitting, pulling hair, etc... I was about to term them when they announced they were leaving. I was very inexperience (I did not even knew other providers) that never had the guts to tell anything (I was even afraid I will loose my other agency kids). After that I kept in touch with the mom for a while. After me, the poor kid was with a nanny (who left after less than 4 months), and 2 daycare centers (where he was asked to leave). Even, when some think that does not affect us, it really does and what about the poor kid? He was aggressive, but I think he escalated his aggression if he could not stay in 2 daycare centers.

[Momof4]

I honestly don't care what a parent is doing while their child is here at daycare as long as they tell me exactly how I can reach them in an emergency. If they are taking a day off it's really nice that they make it a shorter day, say 7 hours instead of 9. I don't judge the parents honestly but don't you think those children know what is going on? Don't you think it affects their behaviour when they know their parent is at home? What I've noticed so far in my HDCP experience is that the most difficult children are the ones who have the least amount of time with their parents. That's just a fact.

[momofnerds]

I think the reason it gets us going so much is because it feels like we are not respected. Think about it, the parents go on vacation and leave their kids with us, why us, why not with gma or auntie or take them with them. Why because they know we won't say anything about it, and how its wrong and this is the reason bobby seems to act up. They know we won't say that its crappy parenting on their part and that they need to spend time with their kids. Thats why they leave the kids with us. No matter what anyone says, I know it bothers all of us.

I'm starting to find it more and more common with people. I have never heard of such nonsense till I started this job. I too have heard all sorts of excuses, but really it comes down to the "me generation" if you think its bad now, imagine the next set of kids, they don't know what the word "no" means. Why is it all of a sudden that parents need me time, when I have bobby 12 hours a day, what makes their job any more stressfull than mine.

[daycarewhisperer]

There is also the aspect of a mental change for the parent from being at work - the reason many left work to open their daycare was the office politics, boss demands, working conditions, etc. To begrudge someone from getting a break from that is not right. Remember it isn't about quantity of time it is quality of time with the children so just hanging out for a whole day while dad goes about resting, watching tv, painting the fence, fixing the toilet, whatever is not the same as playing and learning with friends all day, having a normal nap/feeding schedule and then spending the evening with the parent who has also finished their chores for the day. Could they have picked up early sure but again kids picked up out of order set all of them off. It is selfish on our part is it not to wish that the kids get upset because a dad chooses to pick up early. The parent on vacation has earned that time and does not owe any of it to the daycare provider and really not to their child either - the child's job is to go to daycare. Parents need refreshing too.

As a provider I get that you never get away from your kids but that is your choice. I also get that because I am home all day I can structure my day and night to make things work for me such as doing laundry at naptime or folding a basket of laundry during freeplay - I just tell the kids that is my choice of activity just like they are expected to go choose something to do and when freeplay is over we will all do an activity together. Same thing for my tea time - tea time is my choice of freeplay and if a person doesn't want to be bothered during freeplay other kids have to leave them alone so I deserve the same treatment. Then I have less to do in the evenings and could spend time with me kids - now I get to spend time with my computer and craft supplies cause the kids are older. You will all get to that point too where evenings are your own.

I don't agree that it's about quality time. I have worked with a number of families in my two decades of home child care and I can say without a hint of equivocation that the BEST parents are ALWAYS the ones who have QUANTITY time with their children. FACE awake time... not quality time...

[sunnydays]

I actually agree with Daycarewhisperer on this one. I find this whole "quality time" thing a bit ridicululous to be honest. So parents do all of their work, chores, errands etc and hten spend half an hour of "quality time"with the child which is all about teaching him he is the centre of the universe, more important than anything else and parents have nothing else to worry about or do in life than play with their little angels. That was my point with doing chores with children present. Children learn that there is balance. Parents have many things that have to be done. Not every moment has to be focused on the child. Children learn to entertain themselves, to help out, to respect the fact that they are part of the family but not the focus of the family or universe for that matter. It is good to pay attention to kids and do things with them, but unrealistic that this "quality" time should be the ONLY time spent with the kids.

[playfelt]

It's quality in the sense that the parent picks up the child who hasn't seen the parent all day, gets home and says ok kid go watch tv or play by yourself or here's my iphone while I go change my clothes and make supper and put in a tub of laundry. The other option is child stays at daycare and plays with his friends while mom goes home and changes, puts supper in the oven and a tub of laundry in and then comes and gets the child so that when they get home they have time for a one on one cuddle and chat about the day before supper. Both scenerios take the same amount of time. Which one does do you think is going to seem to the child like they are more loved - the parent that is changing and cooking while they watch tv or the one that picks them up a half hour later but takes them home for special one on one time.

[playfelt]

One of the reasons I started doing an item of housework during freeplay goes back to when I had a single mom in care who used to complain that all weekend her son would whine about wanting to come back to my house cause all I did was play with him. I started making them play by themselves during freeplay while I chose my own activity for freeplay so they learned that adults have work to do to and our job in life is not to entertain them and that it is reality to do things like laundry and dusting and not just on Saturdays.