Parents coming in at drop-off

[mlc1982]

I don't know if this is how it's usually done but typically when kids get dropped off or picked up, the parent stays at the door and the kids is passed on. On more than one occassion I have had one particular child pull her mom in and the mom actually comes in. One time she sat on my couch for about 30 minutes. Today she came up the stairs, didn't bother taking her shoes off and sat on the couch for about 15 minutes chatting away. I finally said to the little girl "Okay, say bye to Mom, she has to get home now." (Mom isn't working for the summer.)
How do I tell her not to come up before she actually does?? I need to get on with my day when the kids are here (as she is usually last to arrive) and just because she has all this free time doesn't mean I do.

[Judy Trickett]

I would just tell her you do not allow parents in your home during daycare hours. Period.

These parents sit in our interviews and ask for our police checks and our liability insurance. They interrogate us on who comes and goes from our home during daycare hours. But THEN they feel they can just sit in your home with the other children when it so suits them??

I don't allow ANY parents in my house during daycare hours. I don't know these people. Where are THEIR background checks? Where is their personal liability insurance policy? And when did they ask all the other dcparents if it was okay that they, a stranger to the other families, hang out with the other kids??

It's NOT okay. Just tell her.

[Sunflower]

well said Judy lol
I have had to do this in the past and believe me, the sooner you tell her, the better. She clearly has no idea how this daycare thing works so it is your job to teach her. I'm sure you won't have any more issues with her once she knows you don't allow it.

[Skysue]

I don't know if this is how it's usually done but typically when kids get dropped off or picked up, the parent stays at the door and the kids is passed on. On more than one occassion I have had one particular child pull her mom in and the mom actually comes in. One time she sat on my couch for about 30 minutes. Today she came up the stairs, didn't bother taking her shoes off and sat on the couch for about 15 minutes chatting away. I finally said to the little girl "Okay, say bye to Mom, she has to get home now." (Mom isn't working for the summer.)
How do I tell her not to come up before she actually does?? I need to get on with my day when the kids are here (as she is usually last to arrive) and just because she has all this free time doesn't mean I do.

I'm sort of on the fence with this one as I understand both sides! But why is her child with you if she has the summer off? She seems like she feels guily for taking her.

[Sunflower]

I also understand both sides, I had my own son in daycare for a few weeks and I used to do this ( aghhh I know, I know...) It made it worse for my son, I see that now and this poor daycare provider must have been sooo uncomfortable ! Looking back though, I wish she would have told me if it bothered her... I was new to this and needed to be told what to do !

[playfelt]

Looking back though, I wish she would have told me if it bothered her... I was new to this and needed to be told what to do !

The problem is if the caregiver had told you there is a very good chance you would have left but also taken your son with you. Part of our job unfortunately is dealing with insecurities on both parent and child. And truely parents do not understand how a home daycare works - or in the case above doesn't work as long as the parent is in the way. I am lucky in that I have a small area at the front door where the cubbies are, etc. and a gate to enter the rest of my house as a way of keeping the little ones from the front door, wet mat, shoes, etc. So I stand there in such as way no one enters the house. That isn't saying no parent ever enters but only certain ones and usually at pick up if the child has been doing something like building with blocks and wants to show mom but we have an upstairs playroom. Moms never come in at drop off. Everyone runs to the area when someone arrives and the child is usually glad to go off with their friends at least after the first few weeks.

If the little girl is only with you part time over the summer there is a good chance they are going out to playgroup, park, museum, etc. on the other days so mom has become her playmate. You may need to use that to help them both see that on daycare days she plays with friends and mom drops and runs to do her own thing and they will be together to play after daycare - I always say after naptime as it has meaning. By then they are into the day and it is less than an hour till mom would be coming anyways.

[mom-in-alberta]

Nope, I would not be okay with her waltzing in and "visiting". The next time her little one tries to say "Come in, Mommy!" I would say "Well, it's time for mommy to go, and for us to play with the other kids! We will tell her all about what we do at the end of the day, ok?"
If she physically tries to enter, then I would have to say something. "I hope you don't take offense to this, but I am actually not allowed to have parents come in and stay with their kids! Sorry, haha, I know it's silly, but it's really for the safety/comfort/security of the other kids and their parents. I wish I could, it would be nice to have some adult company, but what do you do, right? hahaha" If she tries to come in at pick-up, I would say "Oh, you stay there, so you don't have to TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF (lol) I will go grab her!"
I am guessing that she does feel a little bad dropping her off if she's not working, but as long as you guys have an agreement, that is her issue to deal with, not yours. She probably also has no idea that it's not ok, and just needs to be gently told so.
If approached properly, things should be fine. She will probably apologize ("Oh, sorry, I had no idea") and forget about it. If she does take offense.... ppssshh. Good riddance! I don't think any of my parents would have trouble understanding this point. It's for the good of everyone involved, since other kids also see someone's mommy coming to play and want theirs to stay too. Kids need to understand that we say goodbye to mom/dad at the door, and then we play, and see them at the end of the day (at the door!). My open-door policy means that you are more than welcome to pop by unannounced TO PICK UP YOUR CHILD. That's it. It does not extend to chit-chat when I am taking care of x-number of kids!

[Sunflower]

[QUOTE=playfelt;3841]The problem is if the caregiver had told you there is a very good chance you would have left but also taken your son with you. Part of our job unfortunately is dealing with insecurities on both parent and child. And truely parents do not understand how a home daycare works

not necessarily... I believe that good communication is very important, and that anything can be said as long as it is done with respect.
Had she just said, no parents allowed I would have thought she had something to hide BUT had she said what all the other ladies said..security reasons etc I would have reacted ok I think.
I am a reasonable person. I have had to do this myself and it is all in how you say things when it comes to parents !

[mlc1982]

Thanks for the tips. I think I was more angered by the situation this morning because Mom didn't even attempt to take off her shoes! Anyway, if this problem arises again I will nicely tell her she can't come in and explain safety etc. If she can't accept that, her loss and it could end up in termination.

[Tinkerbell]

Judy can you come and live here for awhile? LOL