Parents that have a day off bringing kids to day home

[mom-in-alberta]

My personal feelings on this issue: depend on the parents I am dealing with.
I understand that they have "paid" for the day. I also understand that it is waaaaay easier to get things done without munchkins tagging along. I had a dad drop off a while ago and outright tell me he was going home and going back to bed, since he was sick as a dog. I am fine with this, since usually it means a later drop-off or an earlier pick-up.
It bothers me if the kids are bothered by it. Last summer I had a mom who had 3 kids in my care, and took a day off. Fair enough. She called that morning and said she'd probably be about a half hour later than usual dropping off. Fair enough. She showed up within 5-10 min of the usual time, which is fine, but why would you call and tell me otherwise?? (Also, I was gleeful that I might enjoy my morning cup of coffee in peace and silence, lol) She then told her kids she had a spa appointment, kissed them good bye and did not come back for 10 hours. I mean, she still picked them up at 5:29pm!! (As late as she could, basically)
These kids had just gone through their parents divorce, moved provinces and schools and were SCREAMING (sometimes quite literally) for attention from their parents. All of them were of the age to know that mom was not working that day, and still chose not to be with them. Not even for an extra hour or two.
That bothers me.

[cloverof4]

I saw more of this when I worked at a group center and it used to tick me right off. Now that I am at home and hand pick my Families I dont see much of it. My families for the most part have the same values as I do. I have also been in the parents shoes and a single parent. 99% of the time as soon as I could pick up my child I would sometimes because of my job I would pick up my child and bring her back to work for a couple of hours and she could help me ( I was lucky to do this I know) the point is I had children they are mine to raise and I like them. I have had experience like a few of you have said those chronic parents that abuse the day and are even Late for pick upon days that that have off. Thats the kind of thing that is sad and frustrating.I am Lucky with my familes we work well together and we give and take on both sides. Have even had a Mom tell me I should take some time for Myself and not because I was burnt out but because she thought I deserved it.

[BCParent]

But the parent has gone through all the channels to get their vacay day approved.....their have probably had to fill out a day off request, get it signed by two managers and gotten the approval. It is not much easier for parents to get the day off than it is for providers.
Also parents have only a certain number of vacay days i.e 10 per year and they may have already planned those out or used them up and not taken into count that you might have an emergency day or a personal day you need.
I always try to give parents 4 week's notice of any day I need to be closed. Doctor appts are usually booked far in advance and same with dentists etc. I have never had a parent grumble as long as they are given notice. Of course...for emergencies I have had to call the night before and heard their tone sound a little stressed but all parents are told there could be an emergency i.e sickness, funeral, death and they are unavoidable.

I call bull. Lots of people call in 'sick' and then take a day for themselves because they feel entitled. So they don't always go through proper channels to schedule a vacation day or a personal day. It is not my problem that a daycare family is not prepared to think that I should have the same benefits and rights as they do especially when it's in my policy manual and they signed off on it. I give as much notice as possible but that doesn't stop the grumbling from some. My medical testing was no surprise to the one family. They had nearly 4 months notice like the rest. They just don't care.

So you are very lucky to have such wonderful and understanding families. I do not always.

[mlc1982]

Wow, this is quite a toss up. I have been on both sides of the fence and I personally don't agree with parents dropping their kids off when they have a day off ...at least not for the full day. If it's for an appointment or something, totally understandable. When it's to go home and rest, not understandable. If you have errands or cleaning to do, fine, do it and come pick up early.

The family in particular that I was thinking of when I asked this question is the type that drop their kid off as early as possible and pick her up as late as possible when they are off. Mom is home right now, there's a new baby AND grandma is visiting. Obviously this child knows that she could be at home but is sent here anyways. It's a struggle to get her in the door every morning. I know I get paid either way but I just find it cruel to the child. The parents talk about how she's been acting out at home and I don't blame her.

When I had DD#1 at a day home, I cherished any extra time I had with her. DH picked her up early because he was off earlier than most people every day. Any time I had a day off, she was with me. Unless I had an appointment (was pregnant with #2 at the time) I picked her up early. As it's already been mentioned, I think kids sense when something is different and then we are the ones who have to deal with it. Not fair!

I am very lucky though to have the majority of my families appreciate the extra time with their kids. I have one little guy today basically for nap time while mom is attending a funeral. I also had another little one this morning for a few hours. He was dropped off late and then picked up super early since dad just had an appointment and then mom got off early. I love these families!!

[Sandbox Sally]

If we are being paid to care for a child, how is it any of our business what the parent is doing when their child is safe and sound at our home in a paid spot? It says nothing in my contract regarding the mandatory whereabouts of a parent while their child is with me.

Having said that, PERSONALLY if I was away from my kids for 50+ hours every week, I would spend every extra minute I had with them...but that would be my choice.

[Judy Trickett]

I think that a lot of providers get upset about this because they feel for the kids. It has NOTHING to do with the provider not wanting to 'work' that day etc. Because, let's face it; having four kids still here because one kid is out is hardly being "off".

I know that I had a set of twins in care for three years (they are gone now). They were the whiniest kids EVER. And their parents hardly ever spent time with them. Anyway, in the THREE years they were here, other than days they were SICK, those kids had ONE day off with their parents! ONE DAY!

Their parents had a combined 14 weeks vacation a year. So, out of FOURTEEN WEEKS - that is SEVENTY DAYS - or TWO HUNDRED AND TEN DAYS OFF IN THREE YEARS - they spend ONE freaking day with those kids.

Sorry, but THAT I have a problem with. And, sadly, it's not all that uncommon for a kid to go to daycare all but one or two days a YEAR when the parents clearly have a number of WEEKS off of paid vacation.

I have another kid whose parents have a combined 8 weeks off a year. She'll be lucky to have them keep her home three days a YEAR.

NOT acceptable!

How do you NOT get upset by that for the kids feelings alone??

[mom-in-alberta]

Alphagetti; I totally agree that, in theory, it is none of our business what mom and dad do in their time, when they have paid for care, and expect it. I don't begrudge someone who needs to get some things done, or has appointments, etc and still makes use of my services. As I mentioned, most of the time that means the kiddos come later, leave earlier, or both!
Like Judy said though, it becomes my business somewhat, when their children are affected by it. Would I say anything? Nope. But should I feel like the family's personal values don't mesh with mine, and that there may be problems because of it, I would start to consider saying good bye. I do what I do for a career because I had children so that I could spend time with them. Although I don't judge a parent who chooses to work outside the home, (heck, who would pay me if all moms stayed home??) I cannot fathom spending 40 working hours and another 10 or more commuting hours away from my kids and then give up chances to squeeze some more time in with them.
I don't know if it's a shift in our societal values (parents aren't accepting the fact that when we have children we give up at least SOME of our "ME" time) or if it's a money thing, in that we feel like we have to get value out of every last little penny we spend on a care provider.
Judy; that churns my stomach. You're right in that it's not for us that we get all fired up. I am still here, working. Unless by some fluke, ALL of the children in my care end up having time off on the same days. Yeah, that'll happen! It's because we see firsthand the effects of parents not putting in the extra effort to spend time with their own kids.

[mamaof4]

The parents who hardly ever spend time with their kids I do not get. I just don't. We just got back from a 4 day weekend at the lake house, water skiing, boating, jet skiing, swimming and sand fun it was great. My kids are awesome, but I think they are awesome because I spend time with them and play with them.

[Sandbox Sally]

Perhaps I misinterpreted the question...

Yeah I think most of us are on the same page here, re spending the extra time with our children - most of us here started doing daycare so that we could spend every minute possible with ours.

I remember watching a 20/20 or something a few years back, and there was a whole panel (15+ people) of mothers who said that the main reason they work outside the home is NOT for the money, but for the break they get from their children. Nice.

[Emilys4Guppies]

I also have awesome kids that I can't get enough of.

We went to a wedding this weekend and I said to a girlfriend that I missed the kids. My girlfriend said, "Oh we left G at daycare this weekend! His provider takes him during off hours too...isn't that great? We're leaving him until Sunday night to really get a break. Your'e an earth goddess...I'm not that kind of mom. At least the daycare lady says he's well-behaved THERE which is more than he is with me." Oy, poor baby!!! At daycare Monday-Thurs 7-5:30 and then from Friday at 7am until Sunday at 5:30pm. Only to go back again Monday morning at 7. Friends got home from the wedding Sat night but needed the sunday free for their sanity, I suppose. It's a shame.