3 year old very possessive

[DeeDee]

I have two 1 year olds that get along very well. Boy and girl. But the brother to the boy is very possessive. Everything is MINE! If they younger ones are playing nicely he goes over to the little girl and tells her she can't play with him because that's his brother.. I tell him that he can play with them. But he that he needs to be nice to everyone. He says no that's my brother I want him. He does withs with things and people. I'm not sure what to do.. Or say. To him or the parents. It's starting to become an issue with the other children now to. Everything is MINE MINE MINE now. Any advice would be great!

[gcj]

I went through this with a little girl. It was so bad that before the younger sibling started here the mom would arrive for pickup and we were often outside playing. The older sibling would cover the baby with the blanket and scream and cry if anyone tried to look at him because he was HERS!

I think a big part is that it's probably fairly new that the younger one is at "his" daycare....? I found that that has always been an adjustment. If the older child came before the younger, it was kind of their "escape" from baby this and baby that at home. Now baby is on his territory. Consistency, positive feedback. If he's breaking rules, timeouts after warnings. I'm sure it'll pass soon enough. Does he have dcfriends closer to his age in your group? Mention it to the parents to find out how things are going at home. They need to know and you need to work together. I wouldn't feel bad talking to them about it.

[DeeDee]

They both started at the same time. They have never been apart.

[daycaremom9]

I had a little guy that came with his brother. When his older brother was in school everything went smoothly but after we picked him up, not so much. The parents, grandparents and older brother were very overprotective of this little guy. As a matter of fact the parents and grandparents were also overprotective of the older boy as well. Could this be the same situation?

[sunnydays]

Ugh...I really hate the "mine" thing...especially from a child that old! He is old enough to have learned better...but obviously hasn't. My guess is that his parents have cultivated this in him. They probably tell him he does not have share any of his toys with his brother, that his brother cannot enter "his" room, that many things at home belong to him and him only and he does not have to share. I see this often and it really makes me cringe. Ask the parents what they are doing at home to curb this behaviour and take it from there. If they are cultivating it, it will be an uphill battle for you. I am sorry, I am tired and don't have better advice, just empathy at this point because that was one of the many issues dcb I am terminating has!!!!!!!!!!!

[gcj]

I don't know...I can see where he's coming from. It's not okay and he has to learn, but this is an opportunity for you to teach him his first important life lesson! If they're both new to daycare that means that he hasn't been in this environment yet, so really doesn't get it. He went from being an only child, to having a baby to share his parents with, to someone who now wants toys that he wants to a house full of kids who want toys he wants. And let's face it, a toy has zero value until it's in someone else's hands!

Just explain and be consistent. I learned a magic question to teach them: "Can I have it when you're finished? Noone can ever say no to that. When you're finished means they don't want it anymore, so the answer is always yes. Then they just find something else while waiting for what they know they will get. When it's a new concept it takes a little time, but pretty soon you'll hear and see them doing this on their own all day long! It's beautiful. It has saved my sanity. So simple, yet so effective.

[playfelt]

Make sure that the parents aren't telling the older child to look out for baby brother, etc at daycare. He needs to learn that taking care of the baby is your job and his job is to be a child and go play. It is a simple phrase mom or dad may be using but the child could be feeling like he has to take on this responsibility.