Refuses to say sorry

[playfelt]

I don't force the I'm sorry either. I do not like it when kids just mimic platitudes like robots. The truth is they are not sorry. They meant to do it and that is that - why force them to lie. Getting them to admit that what they did was wrong, not a nice way to treat a friend etc. is ok. But the children need their space and forcing the one to get in the face of the other and rehash what went on before for only a split second is like goading the other one into remembering to retaliate and there it escalates. What is done is done.

I am the same with most of those things we take as manners. I use them but I don't expect the kids to use them till they comprehend what they mean. Most will pick them up and just do it but I don't stand there holding out on giving them something till they say please and thank you. Again it has to be a learned response to have some meaning. Until children are 7 they have not reached the age of reason where they can deal with these kinds of abstract concepts with meaning so until then it is just practiced ritual.

[torontokids]

I am actually more inclined to agree with playfelt. I have only been "making" my daughter say sorry to support my husband who feels pretty strongly about it. I see that it is clearly not effective and we chatted at length yesterday about it. I do feel there needs to be a consequence for her behaviour (pushing sister) but saying "sorry" is just her doing what we say and means nothing. I have been teaching her to ask for help instead of pushing as the trigger is usually little sister touching something/bugging her. I think our trying to make her has back fired as she won't say sorry for things she would have in the past e.g accidentley bumping someone. I do most of the child rearing and it's usually my way. I think this worked out well as I gave my husband his way, it's not working so we get to do it my way afterall and he still feels valued