Refuses to say sorry

[Skysue]

Sorry ladies I totally disagree, they will and should say sorry in my care. Kids know right from wrong at a very early age, my kids will sit when they deliberately hurt their friends on a time out. A minute per age doesn’t work either so I will gauge it depending on there age.

Taking privileges away I think is a more appropriate method. i.e. not allowing them to watch a quite time video or not allowing them to play with a specific toy…

We say sorry in my care and we hug, if it was an accident then I ask them to think about how they would feel if it happened to them and usually a big sorry will come next.

If they are on a time out for hurting deliberately you better believe they will be saying sorry.

[Skysue]

also making kids hug their friends don't work either. I've had littles hit their friends and then hug them when they start to cry. I try and respect the kids space, not every child likes to be hugged (my odd is like this) its just the way they are.

In this case then you respect there space but find a way to communicate that your sorry in a way that they can feel safe. A hand shake, high five etc...

[gcj]

I make the child do a time-out (if it was intentional, of course) and apologize. They will not leave timeout until we've discussed what was wrong AND the apology is made. It's just common courtesy and teaching good manners. I don't feel it's a "get out of jail free card" or and eraser of what they've done, because they are also doing the timeout. You can't go around bumping into people (even accidentally) and not saying a word.....it's rude and they're old enough to learn that.

[playfelt]

Kids refuse to say sorry because they can. It is like not going potty or to sleep or not eating. It is something they can control and they use it cause they know it makes the adult mad.

Making the child continuously say sorry doesn't address the issue. Why should she be sorry for protecting what is hers. It is up to you as the adult to keep the younger sibling out of her way either by sectioning off one of them or providing a higher surface for play or closer supervision or giving the older child an appropriate thing to do when her sister comes such as moving around to be between her sibling and the work she is doing so the sister can't touch it. We need to spend more time teaching coping skills and when we do the negative problems disappear because they have a method for handling them.

[Crayola kiddies]

Exactly this play felt ..... Don't say sorry because you shoved your friend .... Stop shoving your friend ..... I have a dck that constantly pushes and as soon as I look at him he says sooooorrryyyyy in the most sarcastic tone .... He doesn't mean it ... He's been programmed to say it .... It doesn't cut it in my day home .... You get the punishment ... What ever works for the particular child ... Time out, not playing with the toy for the rest if the day , not allowed to do craft .... You have to know that child's particular currency, and what's going to make a difference to them , for my own child all I have to say is " I'm very dissapointed in you" In my opinion sorry is reserved for accidents.

[mom-in-alberta]

I think that you can ask a child to say sorry, AFTER the consequences have been doled out.
So: Joey hits Johnny. Joey goes to time-out (or whatever) immediately, while I comfort Johnny. When time-out is up, Joey is reminded why he went to time-out, and what is expected from him. I would ask that he go and give Johnny a hug/pat on the back, etc and tell him that he is sorry for hitting him. But I am not going to force him, because then you get the "SorryIhityou" without any kind of meaning. It is a way of making amends with our buddies, not getting out of trouble.
I used to care for a little boy (5 y/o) who would hurt kids on purpose and say "SorrySorrySorrySorr ySorry". It meant nothing to him. And all it meant to me was that he had done it deliberately.

[torontokids]

The pushing when little sister touches her stuff was just an example, there are other times this occurs. I agree the environment needs to be such so the lo can't touch what they are doing and these measures are in place. It is unrealistic to keep the lo always from the bigger kids and I'm not interested either. I think they learn important life and social skills with these interactions.

[playfelt]

Then you need to step back and let them work out a suitable solution on their own. If the younger one gets pushed enough she will learn there is such as thing as personal space. In the meantime try to always be there to move the younger one back a few feet and say we look we don't touch sister's work. Then keep reinforcing that.