Parent picking on me?

[NeedaVacay]

Sorry for the long post ladies. Have a DCB, loves coming, mom drops off and is happy that he likes it here. Unfortunately overly sensitive dad picks up, and pick-ups have become worse over the weeks. DCB is now running from his dad and holding onto my legs not wanting to leave. Two year olds will do that, I'm sure he loves his dads hurt face, nothing more, nothing less.

Anyway dad is now taking it out on me. Started out by asking if he ate anything (love this kid, never have left overs), if he's able to have a rest here (yeah, tired kids wanna stay and play all night), is he going on the potty (constipation makes him want his caregiver?). Basically any passive aggressive remarks he can think of. And yes, I know these are normal questions from a parent, I talk about these things every day with other parents, this is just somehow different, accusatory rather than curious. Seasoned providers will know what I'm talking about.

So today dad shows up as we're just coming back from our walk, holding two other children's hands, DCB beside us stoops to put snow in his mouth as his dad is walking towards us. No big deal around here. As soon as DCB saw his dad he ran away crying, clinging, the usual BS. You know when you kind of know something's coming? Well I tried to busy myself with the other kids, getting drinks, ect but dad wouldn't leave and then finally blurted out 'Do you even watch DCB, you let him just eat off the ground'. I was kind of shocked, but (hopefully) covered it quickly and just said 'it's snow, kids eat snow, not a big deal DCD' in my best mommy voice. He kinda mumbled something under his breath and walked out, no good-bye or anything, which truthfully I'm getting used to.

The thing that bothers me the most is what does he tell his wife? I kinda suspect that it's not 'DCB runs from me screaming when I pick him up', more like 'Why the h*ll are we going to this place, DCPr is an idiot' or something to that effect.

Also, (yes another story) I was termed once when I first started about five years ago. We always came upstairs to meet the parents at pick-up. DCG went and got her empty yogurt as her mom was showing up, probably looked like we were having snack at 5, I really didn't think about it until the next day DCM gave two weeks notice because we weren't structured enough. I still want to pull my hair out just thinking about it. It was just such an untrue way to get termed. Can't argue if someone doesn't want to bring their child anymore, would be more demeaning.

This is really more of a vent I guess, but where do I go from here. I know the dad is hurt and taking it out on me in a passive aggressive way, I would like to ask them to leave so I don't dread pick-up (who of us dislikes pick-up) but I love mom and DCB. On the other hand I definitely don't want this family to pull their kid because who really wants to get termed for provider misconduct. Happened once and I do everything in my power to prevent it from happening again. So WWYD?

FYI- I never, ever pit two parents against each other, so talking to mom about dad, even if I was termed would never happen here. They're together for life, I'm here for a while. Also dad isn't the type you can gently explain things to, or talk to, he really doesn't listen past 'Hi DCD', seems to zone out like I'm not worth his time: So the 'this is normal pick-up behaviour' speech didn't fly once, not doing it again.

Also, because I'm blue, please tell me some of the usual reasons you've been termed, and for bonus points some outlandish reasons you've been termed, and for double points some on the spot, not overly professional, I just now grew a back bone terms you've done. PS I love details

Thanks for listening ladies

[little sunflower]

Wow not sure how to respond to this post but I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
I technically have not started my daycare yet but I was just thinking if this was happening to me I'd possibly try;
1) if child is a talker talk with child about his dad. Like ask him what he likes to do with his dad etc and like remind him that by going home with his dad he will potentially have the opportunity to do that fun thing with dad. So basically point out the good points about going home with daddy over staying with you even if you have to say hey daddy is going to bring you home so you will see mommy very soon (as the kid has no issues with mommy he will be happy to leave to go get her I'd think?)
2) mention how now that daycare is closed you really aren't that fun as you have to make supper etc so dcb will not get your full attention if he stayed and his parents would miss him if he stayed
3) I don't think I'd confront the dad at all as it does sound like he's a wounded grizzly bear just striking out at you. So definitely would try to warm the kid up ahead of time to be excited about seeing his dad or at least more willing to go with his dad home.
I definitely look forward to what others suggest as it seems like a tough situation.
Hope you don't mind hearing my two cents about it.

[little sunflower]

After posting I reread your post and realized you said the dcb is 2 well in that instance he may not be that able to tell you what he likes to do with his daddy himself. For my son (who is 2and a half)when he doesn't want to leave a place we give him some extra time to let it sink in that he needs to leave by asking him to say bye to specific things like bye train that he was playing with, then by puppy that is nearby, then bye such and such so basically not just pushing him away to leave but also letting him know he does have to go. That or I might ask the grizzly dad what does he and his kid enjoy doing and maybe encourage him to mention that to pursuade kid to come. For my son we would say hey let's go play trains at home.

[Mommy]

Needavacay I understand what you're going through. I have a dcm that her daughter on occasion does the same thing. Or it's the opposite and her daughter doesn't want her to go. She will give a hug and a kiss goodbye about ten times. Well by the tenth time her daughter is so upset and doesn't want her mom to leave. She starts crying her mom will pry her off put her down then say mommy has to go but then pick her up again and it just gets worse. The whole time she's saying well don't you like it here? You're so upset. Why what's going on here that makes you upset. So I end up saying you're making it worse she wouldn't be crying had you left ten minutes ago and not made her think you were staying. This is the same dcm I've had to put a gate up to prevent her from walking right in and walking all over my house. She will say she will be by at a certain time then show up and hour and a half later. Then when her daughter is itching to go she will say well why are you so excited to leave do you not like it here ? And ill jump in Amd say I think she's happy to go cause she's been told for the last hour and a half that mommy should be here any minute. Then it gets brushed off like I didn't say anything. The days she doesn't want to leave the mom gets angry and upset and says she will leave her here then so then I kind of help her dcb out the door lol cause I don't want her there any longer haha. I think you may have to be a bit rude with the Dcd and when he accuses setjkng just keep putting him on his place like you did with the snow. But do bring it up with the mom when it's something you think he might twist at home. I do it with my parents that way I don't get accused for things I didn't do.

[Mommy]

That reply was a mile long haha sorry. As for terminated I got terminated once cause I wouldn't lower my price. I terminated two brats from across the street after working with the parents for six weeks with the oldest dck. He disrupted daycare. Bullied, encouraged kids to do bad things to get them in trouble. Went from napping fine to completely not and screaming to wake up all the kids during nap. Parents would act completely shocked by his behavior even though I know he acted the same with them from the stories they told me. Anywho. Gave them they'd notice now I have them watching my house from their windows and when I catch them they close their blinds quickly. Ignoring us when we are outside and give dirty looks. They are almost 50 and acting more Christ then children.

[sunnydays]

Well, I have to say that is very childish behaviour on the part of the dad. I think I would first of all make sure to mention to him that it is totally normal for kids that age to have trouble with transitions (coming and going) and not at all personally directed at the dad. You can mention it in a light way...no big thing. As for the little comments, next time he makes one, hard as it is to do, I would say something. Ask him what he is getting at. Tell him you are sensing a feeling of dissatisfaction from him and would really like to know if something is bothering him so that you can discuss it. If he acts like a child and doesn't discuss things politely with you, then terminate.
As for being termed by parents, well it hasn't happened to me yet, but I can sure empathize with you...that would feel awful! I have terminated kids twice...the first was a combination of the child's behaviour and some disrespect from the parents...the second I just did and was because of the lack of progress in child's behaviour due to parents finding the behaviour "normal" and not stopping it at home.

[DisneyPrincess]

I didnt read all the posts, I seem to have trouble reading this morning Anything that has to do with parents being disrespectful towards us is a big NO NO to me. I'm afraid that when I had a situation like that before, I didnt term but just ignored, and still today theres barely a ''HI'' and ''Bye''. I ignore him completely and if ever he talks back again at me, I'll tell him off he pissed me off so bad !! The reason they didnt leave is because there are no daycare space available and for me... well its money coming in. But... no one should endure stupid parents. Either you respect me and shut it... or you be gone !!

[Crayola kiddies]

I was termed once because I "allowed " hand foot and mouth into the daycare. I termed once because the mom was disrespectful to me and and basically didn't speak to me for 8 months other then "bye" then I the evening I would get a barrage of texts asking if dcb hit another child did another child hit dcb? Did this happen did that happen was there a time out ..... Blah blah blah ..... So i advertised and when I had a replacement i said adios...

[cfred]

I'm a little concerned that the boy runs from his dad, screaming and crying and clings to you on a regular basis.....seems odd to me. My DCKs love me but never have an issue going with Mom or Dad. I know this is a little off the topic of this thread, but are there any concerns about mistreatment of DCK by Dad? I've had kids cry and show resistance being pulled away from an activity now and then, but never with consistency or accumulative drama. And Dad's reaction sounded a little like trying to spread blame. I don't know....could be totally off the mark, but it just struck me as very odd. In your shoes, I'd probably be keeping a close eye out for evidence of that kind of thing....just in case.

[crafty]

Wow nothing like this has ever happened to me but I think I would flat out ask the Dad as Sunnydays suggested. There is no point enduring this and causing stress. If they are not happy with your services then they can go. You also deserve respect and maybe just talking will clear the air and make the dad realize that his behaviour is childish. If that's not possible then you can stat advertising and when you have someone then ... you can let them know that you are letting them go as you sensed they were not happy with the services and remarks from dad made you feel very uncomfortable and unappreciated and that they may find care that suited them elsewhere.

I've never been terminated but I have before. It was the worst feeling ever but I had to do it has this family had hygiene issues that were not addressed after multiple warnings and I feared for the health and safety of the daycare. Anything making me feel stressed out or anything negative that can not be resolved any other way but by terminating ... well that's what I'll do even if I really really hate it. I CHOSE this job to be happy so ... why endure ?

Good luck