When home daycare just doesn't work for your family

[Mambia]

When do you draw the line of running a home daycare that simply interferes with your family members schedules? Hubby doesn't seem to support me doing dc as he sees the wear and tear it has on our home and most importantly on me. I too, feel most days that this just isnt for me. Prob is that I go all day and then once dck leave, I still have the responsibilities of my own kids, dinner, house chores, etc. seems like a vicious circle without a break. The older kids in my care are very challenging and demanding, just wearing me out in a way. I know there are benefits of this job as well and I'm sure I will feel them more once my oldest starts school but for now, I am just a moody miserable person it seems.

If i was to close, What would i tell my dcparents?

[torontokids]

What do you feel? You only mention your husband, do you agree with him?

[Mambia]

Just edited my post...

[mimi]

It is so important to have your husband on board with your job........inside or outside the home. If you worked outside the home there would be wear and tear on your vehicle, dress work clothes etc. The question you need to ask yourself is if he was a positive supporter would you be happier. If the answer is yes, then have a chat with him about this and if the answer in no, then maybe another line of work is what you need. Either way you will still have the demands of your own family after a long day........can he help you with those chores?

[playfelt]

What were you doing before you started doing daycare and what were your reasons for leaving that job to do daycare? Sometimes it is done to stay with our own child instead of putting them into daycare but then after another year we realize they are ready for something more social and so are we and they need to go to a daycare centre or preschool or another provider that offers things you don't and you go to what makes you happy too.

The idea of going to a provider that does what you don't want to is so that when you do spend time with your child you are doing what makes you happy still and your child is getting the best of all worlds. So if you like to sit and paint and do crafts find a provider that likes to be outside exploring nature so you and your child can spend evenings cuddling with a colouring book instead of hiking.

As far as telling your parents honesty is probably the best and giving them as large a window is nice too if you can financially swing it in the sense of when you would start a job. Can you go back to the place you were working at before or would you even want to.

When hubby's are not supportive then we are in a vicious circle because it is like we are treading on thin ice and going around in circles not pleasing anyone no matter how hard we try. If you were to ask him what he would rather you do and how he realizes it would effect your own children what does he say. Once he thinks about the ramification of it all he may begin to change his mind such as ok now he just takes off and goes to work and never has to worry about anything but if you go to work too then he will have to consider helping to get child to daycare or picking up at the end of the day and looking after them till you get home from work or taking a turn at time off work if they are sick or have a doctor's appointment. He just might realize he has it better than he thought.

Only you can decide what is best for you right now and if you want to make changes when is the best time to do it. At the same time read some of the threads where a provider has let one of their kids go and how much more they love their job with that stress gone. Maybe that is the place to start - get rid of those around you that depress you.

[Fun&care]

I wouldn't be able to do this without hubby on board. Is there any way you can separate your daycare space from your home a little bit? Like have certain areas daycare only and other areas personal family space only...I have a playroom upstairs for daycare and a huge one downstairs, but my living room, dining room, and bedrooms are no-daycare, no-toy zones. It helps so much and I am so thankful for having an awesome setup. Another thing is you mentioned older kids, I think may providers on this forum agree that school age kids are challenging and don't always mesh well with the daycare group...

[Artsand crafts]

I have found it is much smoother when you have kids around the same age. I started with different ages (because of agency restrictions) and was more stressed. Currently I have a 16, 18 and 20 mos old. When they started it was free play almost all the time with a few sensory activities. Now they are starting to get into some simple crafts. It is nicer to be able to have same activities for everyone.

[PPF123]

Most people do not understand what a challenge it is to operate a home daycare out of your house. You are always on the go and at the end of the day, you clean up the daycare area and switch over to family life.

My husband switched jobs in the past year and sometimes works until 7:30 pm at night so I'm responsible for well, basically everything: housework, paying bills, groceries, laundry, and homework so I can sympathize with you. The daycare is tiring some days but I'm there for my daughter when she needs me at school and at home. When she was little, the cost of me going to work and paying childcare would have had me signing over my paycheck to the provider so that's how I started: I can say that I was there for her(and when it's a really long day, that's my one thought).

As for the lack of support, it's tough when people don't understand. Some will say that all you're doing is just babysitting kids so how hard can it be? Anyone who has ever had to negogiate with 3 2 yr olds who want the same toy at the exact same time, knows better. My response is that I wish someone would tell Revenue Canada that so I don't have to pay my own CPP and keep all those receipts.

The best thing that could have happened for me, well it wasn't the best thing, was when my husband was injured on his old job. He injured his back so he was home for about a month and a half. He was in a lot of pain so movement consisted of lying on the bed or the sofa. The daycare kids were great with him except they wanted to play doctor. When he finally went back to work, this is what he said, "No offense, but I could not do this job. How do you do it?" He had an idea it was hard work but until he saw it first hand, day in day out, did he get it.

Every daycare provider has days where they wonder what was I thinking when I decided to do this? There are also the days where you wonder why the kids can't be this well behaved every day. Those are the good times. Some people will crash and burnout. The best thing you can do is to decide what you can change and what you can't. If you can limit the daycare to certain areas, do it. If you have to change your hours of operation, do it. If you have a family that is really stressing you out, find one that respects you. Take some days off now and then. If you can afford it, hire a helper. If you're still miserable, close the daycare. You're doing not only what is best for you but the children you care for. Try to give at least a month's notice before you shut down(where I live that is the standard unless it's a medical condition that you have). You're not alone. Best of luck.

[crafty]

This job is hard ! For ME I feel like in order to be able to do this job you have to be passionate about it. I love kids, I love teaching them and being around them. I would not be spending so much time at it if I did not like most aspects of it. I CHOSE this career to be with my kids however I did have background and interest in child education. I did not dislike my previous job but I no longer felt interested and even now on bad days ...nothing else speaks to me. Yes sometimes I would go back to work just to get a break lol. Although my husband works ALL THE TIME and I take care of EVERYTHING by myself he is supportive and does listen and help when I ask for it. That's really really important. In everything you do, you need a good support system. So have a serious discussion right down the pros and cons, your goals and what you wish to achieve. See if daycare gives you what you are actually looking for and if you can live with the sacrifices you need to make to get there. As others have motioned find where is the sources of your dissatisfaction. Is it really daycare or that particular child or the pile of dishes that you are to tired to do at the end of the days. Those are fixable.

I would be very honest without going into specific that you have decided daycare is not working out well for you and you are looking at a career change. Give them a date of closure with proper notice and maybe help them out finding another great daycare provider. They have put their trust in you so they deserve an honest and professional answer. As a parent I would further appreciate if my provider would tell me she is closing then continuing with it and being unhappy and possibly impacting the services received. It takes a lot of courage to do so and anyone with a little bit of common sense can understand that.

So that's my advice. I hope it helps you and I wish you best of luck !!