Daycare Mom with boundary issue. Need help!

[islander]

Hi Ladies,

In September, I enrolled a 17-month-old on a part-time basis. When meeting the family for the first time, I disclosed I would be having a baby mid-March and that I would be taking two weeks off. My numbers are low for this reason (I have a 3 year old at home and three pt daycare children).

Mom seemed fine with this until the end of October. I have told her on numerous occasions, if she isn't comfortable that I completely understand and she has to do what's best for her family. Mom constantly texts and emails throughout the day and evenings, even when her child isn't in my care that day; this includes weekends.
I've told her I do not have time to talk outside of my hours, unless it's urgent as this is my family's time. Yet she still continues. Comments and questions can range as such:

- "he's pooped a lot today, what did you eat?" This is clearly displayed on my page with pictures daily
- "hows he doing today?"
- "there is no possible way you can run a daycare with a new baby. You won't be able to give the daycare kids attention. I am concerned for all the children"
- "did you go outside today?" Mad when I say no, it's -20 and her child is 17 months, two other children are 15 months. Has also asked me why we didn't go out in the pouring rain and makes a point to tell her son it's okay they will play in the rain when they get home.
- "when is your next doctors appointment? Can you please tell me what he says?"
Proceeds to text me that afternoon for a play-by-play.
- "please give him two naps today, even if it's right before I pick him up (will text me this numerous times during a week)"
- "did he cry at drop off today?" He never does, not sure why she sends me this.
- " how are you feeling today?" Or other random conversation starters

There's a lot more, but today (Sunday) she texts me and says she needs me to call her today to discuss some things. I tell her flat out, I do not have time today. My son is in a hockey tournament and we have a family engagement in the evening. She replies "that's okay, I am free today, you can call me when you put them to bed". I then reply "I am unable to call you this evening, if you have questions or concerns please email/text them to me today and I will review when I have a second. We can then briefly discuss if there is time at pick up tomorrow or I will call you tomorrow evening".

I am at my wits end! I finish childcare this Thursday for a 3-week break and I know she wants to call and say she is uncomfortable with me caring for her child with a newborn. I am not sure what she wants me to say to her and I've told her that. We've exhausted this topic and I've given her an "out". I don't even want to think of how awful this situation will be when I have a newborn.
She's making me anxious, when I should be excited about the two weeks I'll have with baby.

I want to cut ties with this mother, as she cannot be pleased, but I live in a small community and I am worried about the negative backlash if I were to let her go. What would you do in this situation?

Just as a note: she has never had a problem with me or my care, just my unborn baby. Her child freely walks into my home at drop off smiling and could care less if they were there. At pickup he cries and screams because he doesn't want to go home.

[flowerchild]

The next time she makes a comment about you having a baby and being unable to watch the children, call her bluff. "I'm sorry you feel that way. You are certainly entitled to your opinion and while I will miss taking care of *child*, you need to do what's best for your family. As I am finished for three weeks as of Thursday, I will forgo the *insert whatever your notice requirement is* notice period for ending care and will consider Thursday to be his last day. I'll be sure to have all of his things ready for you that day."

Otherwise, it's time to get firm. Let her know that if she needs to discuss anything with you regarding her sons care that she can call or text you between the hours of 1-3pm and that is it. You will not be responding to texts or messages outside of these hours. And then follow through.

[Van]

She sounds lonely and bored!!!
It would be nice to cut ties with her but I understand the problems of a small comm. so if you feel you have no option then you can remind her you will be too busy with the baby while the daycare is closed for the next 3 weeks so not to text you and to allow you to enjoy that time with the baby - but if she finds a new daycare in the 3 weeks you will fully understand and will refund her deposit - Here's hoping she will move on

[Lee-Bee]

If you are unwilling to text/communicate outside of daycare hours then you should NEVER text/communicate outside of daycare hours. Texting back and forth today telling her you are busy is misleading...you had the time to send numerous texts saying you wouldn't be in touch...by doing that you are doing exactly what you keep telling her you won't do.

Tell her the hours you are willing to text and do NOT answer any messages outside of those hours. If she texts on Sunday saying i need to talk today...respond Monday morning restating that you do not communicate outside of the set hours.

Same goes for communication during the day if you do not want to be texting her all day then let her know what you will do and stick to that. Tell her once that your menu is posted (where ever you have it) and when she texts about food ignore it. At pick up casually mention you didn't have time to answer her text you were busy with the kids.

She will either eventually stop trying when you do not engage or she will keep sending unanswered texts. It is up to her...but your answering all the texts is just encouraging her to continue because you take the time to text back giving reason why you are too busy to text!

As for all the pregnancy concerns...just keep stating you are confident you can handle it. She will either trust that or she will pull from care. There isn't anything you can do to change her mind. It is a perfectly acceptable concern from her part, but aside from repeating you can handle it you can't prove it until the baby arrives so she needs to figure out if she wants to stick around to see if you can in fact handle it!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Stop enabling her. Limit your replies to one at nap time only and not during the day. Only send one text and say "I am busy with the children. We can discuss your child day at pickup time". Send same text, each day, no variable.

Do not answer message on weekend. Do not answer message in evening. She can raise issue with you in morning if it important and get update at end day.

I agree about calling her bluff through. And if she comment on being concerns about cope when baby come, tell her that her decision to make but you require X weeks notice once she reached that decision.

If she ask you personal question about your appointment feel free to reply that no, you not going to tell her the result of discussion with your doctor and your personal medical events not any her business. If and when there something relevant for all client to know, you will share information but you not obligated to give any more detail than you want.

Define boundaries and enforce them.

If it continue be problem I would sit down face to face, explain that you not her employee, that she signed up for your program and if she has any concern, she welcome to give notice and leave but if she continue being demanding all day when you need focus on children, they you will terminate her so she need decide to behave or go.

[babydom]

What they said! Lol. Agreed. Stop texting her outside of ur hrs and tell her to lay off or leave. In nice business terms that is good luck!

[bright sparks]

This situation sounds intense and I feel for you. I think as others have said, it is necessary that you not engage with this woman more than absolutely necessary. If she does not get it after being told multiple times, then likely she never will take your no or responses for an answer. I too would just not respond or engage if you have already told her before. Ignore all contact in all instances outside of business hours. During business hours, short and to the point responses of no or relative information. Make them generic, even so exact that you write exactly the same each time word for word. I think it will only be so long till she gets it. Also if you say no every single time to her requests, eventually she will have to find someone else and then she will hopefully leave you alone completely. I don`t think there is any easy way out of this situation but I wouldn`t put up with this for to long at personal expense over fear of something happening beyond your control. She could leave because you aren`t bending to her every request and slander you for that, but she could also bad mouth you for letting her go. Hopefully the advice ladies have given on here will be enough to make the problem smaller and less infuriating.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Yikes! That's too much for me and I can understand why it's stressing you out! You got great advice and I agree with the ladies

How has it been??

[Kath]

Great advice here!!!
I've had a similar situation - the parents of two kids never seem happy (the kids love it here), about a complaint a day, trying to get reductions in fees, were late to pickup until I enforced my late fee for it, don't pay unless I ask for it, nasty comments regularly. I'm looking for replacements so that I can terminate the contract. Too many issues. Life is too short to deal with disrespectful ----.
It's been a real lesson on becoming more assertive. I taught elementary for several years and never saw these kind of boundary/respect issues. Yikes!!!
You do hard and important work caring for kids - Keep up the good work, y'all!