Am I being unreasonable?

[torontokids]

So my dc family with the b&a child are going through divorce proceedings, have been seperated for a yr. They have shared custody. My problem is when the father does drop off in the mornings. It is his child I have to take to school but he is always late. He was doing the drop off most mornings because he couldn't get his act together and get him to me in time. I have always told him to call me before 8:15 to let me know if I am doing the drop off (he has to be here by 8:30) to give me time to give the kids a heads up so they can stop playing, do potty trips, diapers, snow suits etc. He seems to be coming later and later and expecting me to do the drop off. I said to him that I was thinking about changing the policy so he needs to be here for 8:15. No phone calls needed, it is simple. He's here, I do it, he's not, I don't. He felt this was unreasonable as they wake up at 7 (duh, wake up earlier). Plus I live across the road from the school so I think he doesn't get what the big deal is.

Am I being unreasonable?

I just texted the mom with my concern and she said she would support me. So that makes a big difference.

[Naftafia]

You are not being unreasonable at all. Taking all the kids out for the school run takes a lot of work and some preparation, the kids can't be expected to just up and go without a warning.... and be cooperative

I completely agree that you should give him a time limit for drop off, as you are considering. I would write him a notice type letter clearly noting the specifics and try to add some info as to why this impacts you and all the kids, so he could hopefully understand that you are not simply trying to be difficult.

Good luck, I hope it goes well

[apples and bananas]

You're not being unreasonable at all. You have a job to do. You're a planner and you like to plan to have the kids ready. I wouldn't even give him the morning of to decide, it would be the night before.

[BlueRose]

My clients have to be here by 7:40am during school months. The school across the street starts at 8. If they are not here they have to take their child to school but I still get paid. My own son will be going to school next year and I will not have him being late just because a parent can't get up in time.

[torontokids]

The issue isn't him "deciding" if I do the drop off, I am supposed to do it everyday. It's whether the traffic cooperates, he is able to get the kids in the car and going in the morning etc. I think he just needs to get up earlier and deal with it.

I originally put the plan in place that he has to be at dc by 8:30 (school drop off is 8:40) but let me know 15 mins before hand (by text) if he will be on time based on their morning or traffic. Now I think I will just tell him he needs to be at the dc by 8:15 or he is doing the drop off. The wife is the one who is paying me anyways and I think his "fly by the seat of his pants nature" was/is one if their issues.

[torontokids]

What kind of time line do I give? Can I say effective immediately?

[mimi]

Well, he obviously does not care about the prep you must do to get his child to school so I would be crystal clear and tell him effective immediately he must be here by 8:15 or he does the drop off. I would also suggest to him he make his mornings easier by getting up earlier. If his behaviour effects the running of my daycare, I will be presumptious and tell him what he needs to do. Be firm.

[Artsand crafts]

Of course you are not being unreasonable! He needs to understand this is group care. You are not the nanny of this child. Having everybody ready to go outside takes time (more in winter). I would start that change intermediately. You can not be running around like a headless chicken just because a parent is always late.

[momofnerds]

I would say that if you are not here by 830 am my clock time then you need to bring your children to school. If you want me to bring him after 830 am then it will be a 5 dollar charge.

when you add money its amazing how a parents tune will change. I now am enforcing this rule with a father who can't get his butt here to pick up his ds, he is here 45 to an hour after the bus drops him off. Not my problem anymore because now I have attatched money to it.

[sunnydays]

You are not being unreasonable at all. Probably what is happening is that the dad obviously has no idea how much time and organization it takes to get a large group of toddlers and preschoolers ready and out the door to do a school run. I take my son to the bus stop one block away every morning. It takes us 30 minutes (25 minutes of getting dressed and loaded into the stroller etc, and 5 minutes to walk). I am impressed that you can do it in 10 minutes! I would do exactly as you said...tell him that from now on he has to arrive by 8:15 or drop his son off himself. It is fair and reasonable.