Bad experiences with day care providers

[Emilys4Guppies]

Milestones such as when to start solids aren't truly "milestones" though, and the 6 month recommendation is based on sound science regarding the "pristine gut syndrome" and the maturity of the GI tract. All 4 of my children started solids after 6 months, and so far 3 of the 4 were completely on table foods by 12 months (the 4th is only 7mos so far). My 7 month old also takes a sippy cup, and all of the rest were on a regular cup by 12-15 months. My daughter was full on walking by 9 months.

I am not sure that children, in general, are behind developmentally from where children were 20 years ago. I think that when one doesn't have small children of their own in the house it's easy to forget how things are/were. My own mother did home daycare, has 5 kids of her own, and still forgets things in regards to when my children reach milestones. I think, also, that perhaps different areas have different expectations that aid in reaching those milestones.

For example, when I lived in the city most people strollered their toddlers to prevent running in traffic. However, now that I live in a rural area I see that many toddlers walk on the sidewalks (my preference), which I believe is a better opportunity for a child. Does that make sense?

[Myrtah]

Milestones such as when to start solids aren't truly "milestones" though, and the 6 month recommendation is based on sound science regarding the "pristine gut syndrome" and the maturity of the GI tract. All 4 of my children started solids after 6 months, and so far 3 of the 4 were completely on table foods by 12 months (the 4th is only 7mos so far). My 7 month old also takes a sippy cup, and all of the rest were on a regular cup by 12-15 months. My daughter was full on walking by 9 months.

I am not sure that children, in general, are behind developmentally from where children were 20 years ago. I think that when one doesn't have small children of their own in the house it's easy to forget how things are/were. My own mother did home daycare, has 5 kids of her own, and still forgets things in regards to when my children reach milestones. I think, also, that perhaps different areas have different expectations that aid in reaching those milestones.

For example, when I lived in the city most people strollered their toddlers to prevent running in traffic. However, now that I live in a rural area I see that many toddlers walk on the sidewalks (my preference), which I believe is a better opportunity for a child. Does that make sense?

Thank you Emily.
My girl walked fine by the end of 13 months, was running a few days after she walked and was self-feeding from around 9 months onwards. She was pretty independent by 14 months.
But it was a very difficult stage between 10 and 14 months. She was teething massively.
I had been training her from 8 months on consistent nap times, she got a morning nap and an afternoon one (which she desperately needed until she was 13 months), self soothing to sleep ( no pacifiers) and she was self feeding holding her own cup and eating on her own well enough by 12 months.

Even after all that, it did not work with the first provider. I made a wrong choice.
Unfortunately kids behave differently in a new atmosphere.
She was not that needy at home but the provider had a totally different story.
The daycare provider wanted to take her off the morning nap, ( I think that back- fired big time) wished that she was more social, and preferred her to be less attention seeking.I realized she was not great anyway. It did not work.

I moved her to another place and the positive environment there did wonders.

I still do not see what I could have done as a parent to make her more independent.. also it is sad that there is a certain mindset people have about milestones..." the kid should be doing this...or that".. Certainly it is a lot easier if the kids are independent.

I guess it is important to see what the provider means by milestones.. everyone's stand on milestones is slightly different. So the parent and provider has to be on the same page to avoid unnecessary pain...pain that does not go away after terrible experiences.

[playfelt]

Working on milestones is probably a more important guage than mastery in the sense of I know children reach different stages at different times but it is also true if you wait too long to introduce something such as a cup or taking away the soother that it can be harder for the child to adapt and achieve. The younger you introduce a child to something the more likely they are to adapt. That doesn't mean we expect mastery right away but we do expect parents to be working on the skills too so that there is some hope of mastery and some consistency between home and daycare. If a child is not expected to do certain things at home it makes it harder at daycare to do what is expected. I think most daycare providers do have realistic expections of what is possible for a child. What they expect is that parents are not holding the children back from reaching those goals and is also encouraging the child as well.

I get the sense that some of the issues with your original caregiver was that her guage of milestones was her own child and not based on any kind of averages of previous kids in her daycare or research of any kind. Just because her child talked early doesn't mean all kids do. But by 15-18 months if a child is not saying words it is also suggested that a child be evaluated. Here in Ottawa we have a group called First Words that will evaluate a child, make suggestions on ways to encourage language as well as suggest when a hearing test or other tests might be a good idea.

When interviewing a potential caregiver ask questions about how many children in your child's age group they have cared for in the last five years. Ask them what ways they use to encourage children to reach milestones - example offering drink only in a cup at snacktime but still giving the bottle after lunch until they are drinking more from the cup or one-on-one talking and singing with a young toddler to encourage speech and sound imitation. Since you won't know for sure ask if your child will be able to keep up their morning nap if they need it or does the caregiver go out each day. Playgroup is a great outing but not if you are tired and whiney and just want to sleep. Another reason why not every caregiver is the right match for every family.

[busybee]

Wow! I guess maybe i am a easy going care provider lol.I do not charge if they are off sick UNLESS its a week or more then they are charged half price.As for naps i have a seperate nap room just off the playroom.I have some that take 2 naps a day some only 1.I find majority of my children that need 2 naps will sleep through the others playing in the next room. Now for naps and outing while today i took 4 to Jungle Gym a indoor playground.The youngest had a nap on the way there and for another 20 min while we were there.On the way home within 5 min of 3 toddlers being in the stroller they were all flaked out. I find if they are tired they will crash no matter where you are. Now this said we do not go out every day and i try to have them all have their afternoon nap at the same time when we are at the daycare. I have so far only had 1 bad parent and it was a couple days a week and yes i to just told them it was not going to work. Sorry you had a bad experiance with a care provider but it is like any other profession there is both good people and bad people in it .

[Myrtah]

"I get the sense that some of the issues with your original caregiver was that her guage of milestones was her own child and not based on any kind of averages of previous kids in her daycare or research of any kind. Just because her child talked early doesn't mean all kids do. But by 15-18 months if a child is not saying words it is also suggested that a child be evaluated. Here in Ottawa we have a group called First Words that will evaluate a child, make suggestions on ways to encourage language as well as suggest when a hearing test or other tests might be a good idea."

Absolutely true that parents should not hold back their kids from trying and learning and being independent.
Yes, my first provider was wrong. I was naive and made a wrong decision which affected my child very badly.
I am not sure if her guage was based on her child- if so, then the years of experience that she claimed falls flat.
As I said I prepared my kid for the daycare- she was holding a cup , feeding herself and soothing herself to sleep by 9 months. At 10 months, she followed simple commands like get the toy or come here etc.
She had 50 words by 13 months and by 18 months she was putting three words together, by 20 months she was singing the ABC song and many other rhymes fully and clearly.
By 10 months she was cruising and by 12 she was standing and walking with support but she walked independently only by end of 13 months. ( I know some kids -lighter ones walk by 10 months).
I am here in this forum because I cannot get over the way my child was treated.
Apart from complaining that my child is not settling- clearly she wasn't getting the care. She came back with poo stuck every time and it was not cleaned properly. I was patient and was nice never lost it with her. Spoke to her because I understand that sometimes single-handedly managing kids is difficult.
Regarding the morning nap, hers was generally short and before 8.30 because she gets dropped off at 7. Yes, I should have known that my kid would not be ok without a morning nap and not gone with her After all, it was only 5 weeks with her of which she was sick for a week and a half. So how much patience should a provider have during the initial settling time?
The way things were returned to me- I had to go ask them 4 times and then the bottles and cups had a layer of filth, dried milk- if she was busy she could have asked me bring the cups in everyday..no problem I would do it for my kid.
I am here in this forum and have learnt a lot from these providers discussions.
I am unable to get over my bad experience and I am promoting these conversations so other folks can make right decisions.
Else, I know that most providers are reasonable and friendly.
It only takes one rotten neighbor to lose trust over the neighborhood.

[playfelt]

Sounds like the biggest issue with your child and the first provider was that there was no bonding going on at all, no connection, no inclusion of the child into the daycare family. Kudos to you for recognizing when things were not good and doing what was right for your child at the time.

[Myrtah]

Thanks Playfelt.
True. I think people who cannot love other kids like their own cannot do justice to this home daycare business.
Providers work for little money..and it is a tough job. I always consider this as a noble service. Every one cannot do this.
If someone is not good at it and I know it (as long as I am sticking to facts), I as a parent will raise my voice. I did post reviews on her which I did after I thought long and hard....which is hidden anyway.
My kid is very happy and fine now. I am ready to stop bickering about this issue but I will never be able to forgive her in my heart.
We are all mothers and we know how much we hate to know that our kids are not treated right.

[sunnydays]

No matter how difficult it is to be alone with the kids and take care of all their needs, there is no excuse for not cleaning them properly at diaper changes or not cleaning their dishes etc. This is a health hazard and sounds like it describes the caregiver's overall lack of care. How terrible to have to go through this. As a mother I have always had a hard time trusting others to care for my kids, which is why I opened my own daycare. I hope you now have a good caregiver.

[Myrtah]

Unfortunately I lost my trust on home day care system and she is in an academic one now. She is doing great.
It is great to see a lot of sensible home-day care providers here.

[rashmi]

too bad......babysitters should have some flexibility........