To terminate or to wait it out? What would you do?

[godsgirl]

Ok I'm gonna try and keep this to the point but these boys get me so wound up!
Here goes: I've had this family for 9 months (4 & 10 yo) and I'm not 100% sure what to do anymore. Regardless, they are leaving eventually but I'm not sure if I should speed this process up and guarantee a time they are leaving or if I should just wait it out. The 10 yo is leaving at the end of the school year so I'm not too concerned about that but the 4yo is leaving who knows when as the mom can't decide what she wants to do yet. Basically what happened today that has got me questioning if I need to just bite the bullet is that for the last couple months the mom has sounded quite sure that he will be leaving at the end of the school yr to go to summer camps. Honestly I have been relieved knowing that much of my stress will be coming to an end soon. Well this morning the mom told me that her 4yo was so bad at his 1st ball hockey game that she is thinking that he may do better here for the summer than in a bigger group setting. I said nothing (in my head you could hear 'noooooooooooo' and then my gut getting twisted in a ball). In all the time that I have had this boy nothing has ever really improved its just stayed the same and the rest of us are just tolerating him. He doesn't share, he has a bad temper, can't control his emotions, has huge break downs when he doesn't get his way, doesn't listen, talks back, blah blah blah. I've tried time outs, rewards, punishments, talking to him, talking to his mom and nothing changes. I can't, I can't, I can't watch him until September. He's effecting my group, my sanity, my family. I've only held on this long because I knew his mom was pulling them and they have been having some personal stuff going on so I didn't want to give up on them. Now the mom is talking about leaving him here longer!? Because its always the same stuff I don't tell the mom everything everyday that he does because its him being him and he does the same stuff at home (she really never asks and to be honest I'd be at the door for awhile if I told her about every scream, tantrum, and timeout).

My question is should I just bite the bullet and tell her now that I've been thinking about her comment this morning and really think it would be best if he leaves the same time her other boy leaves or should I just give her a termination letter stating that because of his poor behaviour they need to find new care by this date? Should I pull her aside at pick up or send her an email (pick ups are always crazy and I don't like talking about that stuff in front of the kids, plus then it's documented). I am not a confrontational person, I am very much a people pleaser and quite often put everyone first but I can't do this anymore but am scary spitless to have this conversation. What would you say to the mom if you were me?

Thank you in advance

[DaycareLady]

I hate any sort of confrontation as well...I love this job but I am horrible at the business side of it! I had to deal with a situation recently and really didn't know how to approach the parents in person because pick up/drop off is always busy and it is hard for me to get my thoughts together sometimes...so I wrote (typed) up letters and gave them to the parents in the morning and said "can you read this over and give it some thought today and we can discuss tonight?". This really helped because it gave them some time during the day to process it and with writing the letter I was able to put everything in there that I needed to! I e-mailed once and that was horrible, I found this time with the letter it was a little more personable if that makes sense...all the parents texted me mid morning too to say they understood and I was so relieved that pick up wasn't going to be awkward! I also did it on a week day as I didn't want the situation carrying into the weekend and then parents forgetting, etc!
Not sure if this helps at all!! Sorry hehe
But I also think you should do it sooner rather than later, it sounds like you have been more than fair and trying to tough it out!

[playfelt]

I think the mom really gave you an out this morning by saying the child might stay in the sense that it made you think about the whole situation. I probably would just tell her verbally at this point and see how she takes it that you have thought about it and decided that you would prefer if both boths left care at the end of the school year. You could bring up the boy's behaviour and say that he needs to be in a daycare centre where he can be monitored and professional intervention available as needed and that since his behaviour is not improving that he needs to be where he can get the help he needs. The mom herself has seen that he can not function in a group properly so it isn't a surprise.

You still have time to give them a written letter of intent to terminate but that sounds a bit cold given the situation when you could save face for everyone and keep it friendly at this point - making it seem like you have the child's best interest at heart and not that you just want him gone.

[godsgirl]

Yay! Just an update. Today at pick up I finally sucked it up and had a talk with the mom and basically told her that I was thinking about she said yesterday morning about her son possibly doing better here over the summer rather in a different setting. And basically told her that I thought that her son would do better else where as he really isn't improving between both of our efforts. She actually agreed with me and told me that she has decided to place him in a day camp for the summer. Yay! So relieved that this went better than I thought. And I am so relieved that it is now confirmed that he will not be staying and be hopefully finding what he needs.
Thank you ladies for your help!