Parents coming in at drop-off

[mlc1982]

I don't know if this is how it's usually done but typically when kids get dropped off or picked up, the parent stays at the door and the kids is passed on. On more than one occassion I have had one particular child pull her mom in and the mom actually comes in. One time she sat on my couch for about 30 minutes. Today she came up the stairs, didn't bother taking her shoes off and sat on the couch for about 15 minutes chatting away. I finally said to the little girl "Okay, say bye to Mom, she has to get home now." (Mom isn't working for the summer.)
How do I tell her not to come up before she actually does?? I need to get on with my day when the kids are here (as she is usually last to arrive) and just because she has all this free time doesn't mean I do.

[Judy Trickett]

I would just tell her you do not allow parents in your home during daycare hours. Period.

These parents sit in our interviews and ask for our police checks and our liability insurance. They interrogate us on who comes and goes from our home during daycare hours. But THEN they feel they can just sit in your home with the other children when it so suits them??

I don't allow ANY parents in my house during daycare hours. I don't know these people. Where are THEIR background checks? Where is their personal liability insurance policy? And when did they ask all the other dcparents if it was okay that they, a stranger to the other families, hang out with the other kids??

It's NOT okay. Just tell her.

[Tinkerbell]

Judy can you come and live here for awhile? LOL

[Judy Trickett]

Judy can you come and live here for awhile? LOL

It's all in your attitude and having high expectations for the parents you serve and the kids you serve. It's also two-sided in that you also have to have high expectations for YOURSELF and wha you offer the kids.

IME, if you offer the kids a lot the parents see that and are more likely to follow your rules because they know, in their hearts, that the rules are there to protect the kids.

[Tinkerbell]

You are absolutely right! I just had a Mom come for a visit with the husband (as I had never met him during the interview process) and she was talking about the upcoming first couple of days and mentioned coming in with her daughter and 'getting her settled in'. This just teaches them that if they act out Mommy stays longer. I try to enforce the 'Stop, Drop, and Run' philosophy, but I find more and more parents either don't listen or don't care what I have to say. After 19 years doing this you would think I would be prepared for this type of thing.

[Spixie33]

You are absolutely right! I just had a Mom come for a visit with the husband (as I had never met him during the interview process) and she was talking about the upcoming first couple of days and mentioned coming in with her daughter and 'getting her settled in'. This just teaches them that if they act out Mommy stays longer. I try to enforce the 'Stop, Drop, and Run' philosophy, but I find more and more parents either don't listen or don't care what I have to say. After 19 years doing this you would think I would be prepared for this type of thing.

This was the first time I was asked the same thing from a mom...she asked if she could come a few times with her child before daycare starts to get her used to daycare and get her comfortable.


But how is going on a mommy playdate getting her used to daycare? I think it is much more productive to do a gradual entry where the little one comes on their own for growing periods of time. i.e start 2 hours...then 4, then 6 then a full day. Having mommy come for a few days and then suddenly sending a child for 9.5 hours without mommy seems like it would be even more confusing

[Sunflower]

well said Judy lol
I have had to do this in the past and believe me, the sooner you tell her, the better. She clearly has no idea how this daycare thing works so it is your job to teach her. I'm sure you won't have any more issues with her once she knows you don't allow it.

[Skysue]

I don't know if this is how it's usually done but typically when kids get dropped off or picked up, the parent stays at the door and the kids is passed on. On more than one occassion I have had one particular child pull her mom in and the mom actually comes in. One time she sat on my couch for about 30 minutes. Today she came up the stairs, didn't bother taking her shoes off and sat on the couch for about 15 minutes chatting away. I finally said to the little girl "Okay, say bye to Mom, she has to get home now." (Mom isn't working for the summer.)
How do I tell her not to come up before she actually does?? I need to get on with my day when the kids are here (as she is usually last to arrive) and just because she has all this free time doesn't mean I do.

I'm sort of on the fence with this one as I understand both sides! But why is her child with you if she has the summer off? She seems like she feels guily for taking her.

[Sunflower]

I also understand both sides, I had my own son in daycare for a few weeks and I used to do this ( aghhh I know, I know...) It made it worse for my son, I see that now and this poor daycare provider must have been sooo uncomfortable ! Looking back though, I wish she would have told me if it bothered her... I was new to this and needed to be told what to do !

[playfelt]

Looking back though, I wish she would have told me if it bothered her... I was new to this and needed to be told what to do !

The problem is if the caregiver had told you there is a very good chance you would have left but also taken your son with you. Part of our job unfortunately is dealing with insecurities on both parent and child. And truely parents do not understand how a home daycare works - or in the case above doesn't work as long as the parent is in the way. I am lucky in that I have a small area at the front door where the cubbies are, etc. and a gate to enter the rest of my house as a way of keeping the little ones from the front door, wet mat, shoes, etc. So I stand there in such as way no one enters the house. That isn't saying no parent ever enters but only certain ones and usually at pick up if the child has been doing something like building with blocks and wants to show mom but we have an upstairs playroom. Moms never come in at drop off. Everyone runs to the area when someone arrives and the child is usually glad to go off with their friends at least after the first few weeks.

If the little girl is only with you part time over the summer there is a good chance they are going out to playgroup, park, museum, etc. on the other days so mom has become her playmate. You may need to use that to help them both see that on daycare days she plays with friends and mom drops and runs to do her own thing and they will be together to play after daycare - I always say after naptime as it has meaning. By then they are into the day and it is less than an hour till mom would be coming anyways.