Parent wants to visit to see child's behaviour

[2angels]

I've had this family since January. They have been coming 3 days/week and now mom just got a job and her son (14 mos) will be starting FT. Since she will be sending her son full time now, she asked me yesterday if she can stay for 3 hours in the morning with her son on Monday to see his behaviour - how he plays with the other kids, what he does when I do stories/songs, etc. Do you allow this in your daycare? If the family was new, I'd have no issues having the parent visit while the child is transitioning, but this child has settled well and frankly, I'm opposed to her visiting. I feel I've done a lot of favours for this family - holding the FT spot (mom got laid off and couldn't start FT as hoped), allowing her in my daycare in the beginning so that she could breastfeed (she would come in, breastfeed, and leave), picking him up early for a doctor's appt and then dropping him back off in my care.

So what would you do? What would you say? She said she preferred if she could watch us over skype because she thinks her presence will affect her son's behaviour.

[Crayola kiddies]

I would offer to send her a few photos of him playing but I would tell her that her presence would confuse him and be counter productive.

[mimi]

She's right, her presence will affect her sons behaviour. If she is physically there with him she will not get a true picture of his behaviour at daycare. That said, why is she now wanting to see how he is with you and the kids? Has a behaviour issue come up? Is she questioning your abilities under the guise of "wanting to watch her son"? I would ask her up front why she wants to do this.
Personally, I would not let a visit like this happen. Too confusing for the other kids (can my mom stay too?) and I don't like my routine inhibited by having a guest visitor. However, if she would want to watch on skype I wouldn't mind that as long as she didn't say anything. Again though, just wondering why the sudden request.

[Wonderwiper]

Absolutely not!!! It is way to disruptive to have a parent there. The other children don't understand and her child will not behave naturally while she is there.

[2angels]

Yes I asked her why and her response was he doesn't have anyone to play with at home so she wants to observe him playing here, how he reacts to other kids, how he responds if someone takes a toy from him, etc. There have been no behavior issues. I do communicate with her. She asks me a ton of questions at every pick up, how he ate, slept, played. It could be the thought of going back to work and leaving him here 5 days /week.

[Dreamalittledream]

Just a thought but if you have the ability, what about sending little videos of him playing/interacting throughout the day? I find it funny how some parents don't even look at/acknowledge the feedback, craft projects, photos you provide...others just wait on every word.

[gramma]

her presence will definately affect her sons behaviour and honestly i think the request is silly. the child has settled in what issues does she have? We never know what to expect from our day and sometimes the things we deal with can be trying. I wouldnt want to chance that mom was watching on a day that turned out to be less than perfect. I never would have allowed her to come and breast feed to be honest nor do i allow pick up and drop off again for appointments. I dont allow parents to come during the work day. I get that its a huge deal to leave your kids with someone which is why i always encourage them to do their homework, see lots of other daycares etc because if they make their decision, they have to trust me. sounds like she doesnt have any valid reason for wanting to watch her son. I wouldnt do it.

[apples and bananas]

If she wants to know how he acts with other kids then maybe mom should take him to a play group on one of the 2 days she has him... or to the library on the weekend. Join a tumble class on Saturday.

I would absolutly not allow this. However, you have to be careful how you tell her. An Outright NO could leave her to question her trust with you.

I would simply say... "hi behaviour will be completely different with you present as well as the other kids. As far as skype goes, I'm not set up on it and i'm not really interested in using online video chat programs. However, if you want to observe your son with other children, here are a few great play groups in the area. " And leave it at that.

We have to be careful how much we allow with clients. This client has obviously asked you for a lot and you've been nice and helpful each time... sometimes we have to say no. Just to keep control over our business even.

[2angels]

Thanks to everyone who've responded. I wanted to say no but didn't know how and now I know. The video clips sound like an idea but then I don't want it to become a habit if you know what I mean.

[Wonderwiper]

I have done pics and video clips for a nervous new mom. I told her I could only do it for the first few days. She really appreciated it and it was no big deal for me. She had originally wanted to stay and watch and I explained to her nicely why she couldn't and then offered the videos instead.