Parents who respond

[Trace of Angels]

I have a DCG who has been in my care for a while. She has always been my "passionate one" Whenever she doesn't get her way it is a full on screaming tantrum. I ignore it and then try to give her the words to express how she is feeling and explain to her how to get what she wants (asking nicely, waiting her turn etc etc)
I have noticed that her parents respond to the scream. This morning they bring their child with an item from home for sharing. It doesn't go well from the minute she walks in the door. She is screaming mine. When she puts the toy down and someone else picks it up she screams and doesn't stop. The mom says "you need to share" When the other little one drops it as she is so scared from all the screaming mom quickly gives it right back to her little one.
She offered to take the item home, but I pointed out right away that that was why she doesn't do well with sharing. I pointed out that mom didn't make her and gave it right back to her own daughter as she was responding to the screaming.
I feel bad but should I just mind my own P's and Q's
Do you find that children who are parented one way at home can respond to different parenting at daycare?
WWYD with parents who respond to the scream would you say anything if it was affecting your day to day?

[playfelt]

Most of the problems we have in daycare are because of how the parents are doing things. It isn't always that they are doing it wrong but just in a way that is not conducive to group care. Some of my rules are because of this such as no outside toys period and I would have handed the toy back to mom at the door even while child screamed and told mom that next time she takes it away and leaves it in the car. Kids not expected to sit at the table to eat meals and allowed to run around grazing, not going to bed at a consistent time, etc.

Kids can learn two sets of rules but it takes time and usually leaves the caregiver feeling like a real mean person even if you know you are doing a good thing for the child in the long run.

If you have been working with the family and have given them ideas but they don't seem to get it then for sure pointing things out when you see them should help them get what you are saying but don't expect it to go over well as no one likes to be told they are doing it wrong which in essence that is what we are doing.

[apples and bananas]

Ive found out very quickly that my magic disapears as soon as the parent walks in the door. I don't even bother anymore, and often will joke about my magic not working as mom's powers are just too powerful.

The kids in my care DO act differently. One is a huge climber at home and doesn't dare climb here. Another moves chairs in front of cabinets, climbs up and helps himself, not here! Another will carry his stuffy around all day and don't dare take it away at home... here... it comes out at nap time and he even puts it away as soon as mom is out the door.

The understand my house, my rules. As far as the few min at drop off or pick up where I"m completely powerless? Mom's problem as far as I'm concerned.

[Brooke91]

Oh yeah.. I've had problems with this.. The 5 year old dosent listen to mom at all, when shed here he won't pick up the toys put shoes or jackets on, I've even had it where I took them all to the park and the 5 yr old refused to walk home. I had to call mom and dad to pick him up... We haven't gone back to the park in the afternoon since, I've had quite a lot of issues with this one since he started, only a month ago. And now his three yr old brother is picking up on his bad behavior and I am afraid if I keep them my 22 month old son will start picking up on these habits too, so now I'm in the process of figuring out how to let the parents know I can't watch their boys any more, just have to figure out the best way to do it ... But back to this post, I was getting them ready before mom got there because if she was there before they were ready they wouldn't listen to me or her, it's so sad.

[dodge__driver11]

Read my post I cannot believe this I am sure you'll relate...

With that dcg she knows as soon as she steps in the daycare its a different set of rules.

Every night I hear her complaining _______ wont do this blah blah blah, and I just nod...cause she knows what to do here, and knows that pushing my buttons won't change the rule.