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Thread: Feeling Guilty.

  1. #1
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    Thumbs up Feeling Guilty.

    So I am fairly new to this, but I have decided to tell the parents of 2 boys I can no longer watch them. I am starting to feel fairly guilty about this though.. I just feel that they aren't a very good fit. They're telling my chikd no and font do this ect.. The bad habits of the older one are rubbing off on the young brother, and my child has started to be more fussy aggressive ect.. They don't even include him when they are playing they just play with his toys with each other, I started this so he could have playmates. They are 3 and 5.. And my son is about 22 months.. I just kind of feel bad
    but I would rather go with kids closer to my child's age.

    Not sure how to tell the parents or what to say. HELP!!

  2. #2
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    I think it's unrealistic to expect all the kids to play together all the time. I have my own 3.5 yr old and 5 dcks ages 3.5, 2.5, 2, 18 months and 15 months.... Sometimes they play great and other times I'm a referee .... 18 month old is having a tough time understanding not to take toys, or muscle in on a chair that so some else is already sitting on in short he has no boundaries so there is a lot of "no" "don't do that" " I had it first" ect going on... It's all about learning what's acceptable and teaching them the social graces. I don't tolerate hitting or violence in any form and the consequences are instant. These boys just may need a little intervention and consistency. Play games that they can all play and take turns like rolling a ball to each person around a circle. Ring around the rosy, line up some chairs to make a bus and sing the wheels on the bus . They will learn to take turns and play together
    Getting younger children may not solve your problem as younger kids don't really play together they play independently but side by side .... My dck that just turned twous probably the worst of the bunch in the sense tgere is too much adult interaction on her life and she has no idea how to play with another child or by herself..... She needs adult engagement ..... I spend a lot of my day saying "go play" or "go find something else to do" as she spends most of her day standing beside me. If another child looks at her', touches her or walks towards her she goes running off shrieking like her arm was cut off....
    No is not a bad word its part if life....and the most trying child I had was one who's parent didn't believe in the word as she felt it caused negativity. This child couldn't handle being told he couldn't do something or being told he had to do something because his parents didn't believe in it. This child is going to have a rough time in the real world.
    Last edited by Crayola kiddies; 05-01-2013 at 10:38 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brooke91 View Post
    So I am fairly new to this, but I have decided to tell the parents of 2 boys I can no longer watch them. I am starting to feel fairly guilty about this though.. I just feel that they aren't a very good fit. They're telling my chikd no and font do this ect.. The bad habits of the older one are rubbing off on the young brother, and my child has started to be more fussy aggressive ect.. They don't even include him when they are playing they just play with his toys with each other, I started this so he could have playmates. They are 3 and 5.. And my son is about 22 months.. I just kind of feel bad
    but I would rather go with kids closer to my child's age.

    Not sure how to tell the parents or what to say. HELP!!
    To the dcboys, your son is a baby. The difference imo between and nearly 2 year old and a 3 year old is huge and kids wont always play together anyway. As for your son picking up behaviours, thats going to hapen when he spends time with others. All you can do it try to correct the dcboys behaviour right way and have consequences and your son will see that and learn from it.

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    There will be difficulties like this with ANY age children that you care for.
    Before 3, kids don't really play "together" anyway, just parallel to each other. The boys play with each other because that is what they are used to. As they all get to know each other, and as your son gets older, they will play as a group more and more.
    Why are they saying "no" all the time? Is there anything that perhaps your own boy can start working on, like not taking toys or things like that? If he is allowed to do that stuff because he is "little", then it's not really fair to expect them to play with him. It's not fun when there are different sets of rules for everyone.
    I would say give it some time. If there are behaviours that need correcting, you can do so, of course. But also keep in mind that he could be having a hard time sharing his mommy right now. That will not change with getting new children. In fact, switching kids out may make it worse.
    Best of luck!!

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    I agree with everyone else. You really need to choose your battles here. I think they're acting rather age appropriate, and another two new kids could cause more chaos than keeping these brothers.

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    This is actually one of those situations where instead of getting rid of children already in care you might consider adding another child to upset the balance or even out the balance depending on your point of view. There is a reason the saying "three is a crowd" came about. The boys are used to each other and don't see any reason to include the younger child. It would be the same whether the younger one was yours or not so keep the whole situation in perspective. You stayed home to be with your child so this actually works well in that you can play with him and the other two can play together and you get paid to play with your son. I know that isn't the whole plan of course. With time they will all start to play with each other. Your son will grow into the stage of play the boys are at and it will be easier for him.

    For now you may want to plan some group activities so they can learn to work together to accomplish something like both holding a parachute or rolling a ball back and forth (you and son vs brothers then switch partners. As soon as you see them including your son in their play start to withdraw yourself from the game but be ready to step in if they start to exclude.

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