Posting anonymously- strange parent

[mamaof4]

I have a new family in my care, and the dad does almost all pick ups and drop offs. I find that he's becoming very...familiar with me. For example, he will stand in the door and just kind of stare at me, or make awkward small talk even after his kids have run out the door and are in the car waiting for him. I have started to just walk away, pretending I have something on the stove, or that one of my kids is calling me from upstairs. It feels weird, but I can't say that he's really doing anything weird that I can put my finger on.

Anyway, his son has become friends with my son. They're 9 and almost 9. The dad texts me about son coming over to play, or my son going there, etc., so there really is a reason to text outside of daycare hours. BUT - he sent me over 30 texts this weekend. Most is chit chat, but some is weird, like, he sent a text to me implying sexy things and then claimed that he meant to send them to his wife.

Last night, he mentioned casually that he'd be half an hour early this am, and I was sort of annoyed. I said, "well I'm glad you told me because I would have still been upstairs and not ready when you got here." He replied with, "Oh, well I wouldn't want to catch you undressed", and then a winky smiley, which kind of grossed me out, to be honest. I mentioned it to my DH, and he's not at all impressed. He feels that the dad is crossing a line.

I am uncomfortable. How do I nip this in the bud without insulting or losing the family? I really like the kids and the mom, and I honestly can't afford another family lost. Any advice would be fantastic.

[gramma]

The only advice I can offer would be to keep this totally professional. If you could afford to lose the income I would say terminate immediately but i totally get that we cant do that sometimes. In your case if would say dont engage in small talk, dont encourage the relationship with the 9 year olds outside of daycare. have the child ready to go for pick up and in th emorning, just tell the child to say goodbye to daddy and start to walk away. As for the texting, send an email and make it look as though it has been sent to everyone saying that you do not have unlimited texting on your phone and that you must insist that text messages are to be sent only when you cannot be reached by phone. If it continues, you may have to talk to mom about it. Is your hubby home in the morning when he comes? maybe he could arrange to be standing at the door with you for a week and maybe dad will get the idea.

[daycarewhisperer]

He's fixating on you. He's “doing" you in every way he can come up with. He will keep doing it until he leaves. He sees your kindess and need for income as your weakness. He knows he CAN do you because you want the money. As soon as you don't want the money and tell him no he will leave and start on the next one.

It's not about YOU. He knows you are married. It's about him being able to DO you. The thrill is in the chase.

Tell him to stop it and he will but he will leave too. You can't have the income and the parent behaving himself. He won't do both.

[apples and bananas]

Is there any way your husband can be around during drop off or pick up for a few days to make a point?

Or maybe answer his comments with "well, my husband probably would like that"

Keep it very proffesional. Have the child ready to go when he's supposed to be there and out the door to the car. Dad shouldn't even need to come in.

And as far as the children being friends? That's a big no no in my home. My kids understand that these children are not welcome for playdates after daycare hours. It's just too complicated!

[Lou]

I would terminate, because that would make me too uncomfortable. But if you're not "there" yet, I would simply stop responding to any texts over the weekend/evening that have nothing to do with the daycare. He should get the hint pretty fast, and if he doesn't Buh-Bye.
Also, when he makes comments to your face give him a strange look and change the subject so he KNOWS that what he's saying is inappropriate...if you nervously try to laugh it off he might think you like it and that you're flirting back. Don't let him think that, or it'll never stop. Good luck!!!

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

What an awkward position to be put in. *hugs* to you. All of the advice above is good, all I have to add is a quick question: are you comfortable taking the bull by the horns and just telling him right when he makes the comments, that he's stepping over the line ? I totally understand if you're not able to do that, or if you don't want to risk losing the income but sometimes these kind of jerks need to be called out on their bad behaviour. I had one like this a few years ago, and one day I just snapped and actually told him: "Hey - this is daycare, and that's your kid. I'm not on the market and you shouldn't be either- knock it off" I was mortified after the fact, but the behaviour did stop immediately. Hope things get better soon.

[Artsand crafts]

If that were me I would mention my husband and her wife in every conversation. I would volunteer a comment including them, such as say hi to _____ (your wife)... or I am glad you just came because I'm getting ready for a date with _____ (my husband)... I think he would get the hint.

[dodge__driver11]

I would honestly just look him square in the face, and say "its unacceptable!"

My husband pulled a dcd aside and told him look buddy I know you are staring at my wife's chest, don't do it man...(had that happen to me)

and honestly if it continues after I would terminate. No one deserves that.

[mimi]

daycarewhisperer hit the nail on the head. It is all about him and the thrill of the chase. I am not suggesting this, but if you gave back what he is dishing out he would run like a scared rabbit. All talk. Can you imagine this guy at work? He obviously thinks he is God's gift to women and is flirting with every woman he encounters. Yuck.
If you want to keep this family for the income, then I would suggest you do not answer any texts outside of daycare hours and none that do not pertain to the care of his son. When he makes comments I would just stare at him for a short moment and then walk away. Taking away the ability to make you feel uncomfortable and seeing your disinterest will ruin this game for him and hopefully he will stop. I feel very sorry for his wife. He is humiliating her with his disrespect for their marriage.
Honestly if it were me, I would tell him he is not to make any comments to me that he wouldn't say in front of his wife or my husband or he will have to explain why I had to terminate to his wife. This is sexual harrassment.

[Skysue]

I have had a few uncomfortable experiences myself with daycare dad's. All I can say is if you need to keep them as clients then maybe change your email. Make an account with your and DH's name. Just send a general email blast out saying your new contact info. Maybe if he knows your husband gets the same emails it will stop.

What a creep, also keep all your emails from him just incase you need a paper trail.

I would only keep emails to the bare minimum. How many texts did you send him back over the weekend? Don't send him any as it could be sending him the wrong message.