What would you do?

[torontokids]

So I have posted about my b&a kid previously and I am aware that I have over stayed my welcome on the issue so thank you!

He is done end of June (as per my ending the agreement at the end of the school year) however I found another provider that can take him now (I would love to pass this responsibility on to someone else). The parents informed me that they wish to keep their son with me until the end of the school year as they don't want to send him to the other provider for the summer but think she is a viable option for Sept for b&a (they think he will get bored if he is with her for long periods of time and had concerns re: the size of her place and that the TV is used as part of her program). They understand the spot with the other provider could be lost and they are willing to risk that. Basically they said they want him to stay with me because he has had so many changes as of late (divorce, moved 2 x's, shared custody arrangement). I totally get that but I am disappointed as I thought I was going to be rid of him and could fill the spot with another kid, plus he is a lot of work. I find he takes the most redirection, attention and supervision (and I have 2 infants in my program!)

The mom suggested that I "subcontract" to this other provider to pick up and drop off at my house. Basically I don't know if she would go for this and it seems like a waste having to give a portion of my fee to someone else when I could get rid of him all together and have 100% of a full timer's fee. I don't know anymore. Part of me says suck it up, it is for 2 mos, they are a great family, they were your first family (and have and will give you a good reference) and I have their 3 y o as well so let's keep them happy. The other part of me says f$*% it, it is more work and my days would be so much better without the headache.

Am I being a pansy or a pushover? Should I just suck it up and stop thinking/talking about this or do something about it? I am just reminded that this family like any could up and leave me in a heart beat when it suits them so I hear your voices echoing in my mind to look out for what is best for me and my business.

[JennJubie]

The way I see it is that you are stressing over it now. Do you want to feel like this for another 2 months? Regardless of whether or not they are a great family, it is not working for you and your business.

[DaycareLady]

I would say...always follow your heart/gut! Even if the decision puts the others in an uncomfortable spot...you need to think about YOURSELF first! Exactly like you wrote...they could up and leave in a heart beat without giving it much thought.
I have only been open since January and already had to make 2 huge decisions. One cost me a friendship...and in a small town with our kids being the exact same age, it is very awkward BUT I had to do it for ME, my family and my program and I don't regret it at all.

[playfelt]

If they are leaving anyways then so what if the mom gets upset. Yes I get her point the child has been through a lot and moving him probably isn't a good idea.

What about using the argument that moving to the other provider for the last part of the school year - even if you say following the long weekend in May so another couple weeks to give her a chance to try out the program and explain it that way to the child as well. If he likes it you will try to make plans for him to go back there in Sept and if not then have the summer to make different arrangements.

Letting her know that as of the end of the long weekend you will no longer be doing the school runs so she needs to move by then or make her own alternate arrangements which would then be her responsibility to contact the other woman and arrange the drop-offs not yours and her responsibility to pay for the service not coming out of your pay.

[momofnerds]

let the mom know that you will not be watching anymore schoolagers as of the end of june. That maybe mom should send him to a community center instead. Or do what my dh said, charge more money. Older kids are more work than the little kids, thats why I stopped watching them.

[Sassygirl]

I would be saying "Goodbye" to this child. When I first opened my daycare I had a variety of ages. I was just starting out and wanted to see where the best age group was for me. I also have 4 children of my own aged 14, 12, 9 and 1.
I did have a 6 year old Grade 1 dcb before and after school. I had him 2 hours in the morning 1 hour in the afternoon and BOY was he ALOT of work! I then started getting more and more demand for care for 1 year olds and before you know it I was full. This boy wanted to do nothing but play videogames. He refused to do crafts with material I bought specifically geared for HIM refused to read, do his homework. His mom complained that she didn't want him watching TV or playing videogames. His drop off time was 6:30 am and I was most certainly NOT attempting any programming at that time of the morning as well as trying to get the rest of my family ready for their day. He then started complaining "I'm booooooored" and would follow me around. I was slowly losing my patience. Around that time, dcm started showing up late, deciding last minute she would pick dcb from the schoolbus after I had woken up and gotten ready the other wee ones, etc... The final straw was the week of March Break when I didn't have him, I realized how nice it was that he wasn't there. I emailed Mom the Saturday before school returned and gave her my 2 weeks notice. She decided to look elsewhere so he did not return.
I guess what I am saying though my ramblings is... this is a tough age for us providers to care for. Especially boys. Girls are a little easier and like to do crafts and be our little "helpers". I don't think its going to get any better.
Also remember that with summer care you won't get a break all day from this child.
Good luck with your decision!

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

Show her the door. No parent is ever happy when their child has to adjust to a new caregiver - it's not your problem. I wouldn't even worry about their "good reference" Are they the only family who will vouch for how fantabulous a caregiver you are ? Didn't think so.... ;D The whole "subcontracting" thing strikes me as just plain weird, and I personally would worry about liability issues should anything go wrong. (accident, injury) No dice. Give a definite "done by" date, and leave this stress causing family behind.

[godsgirl]

I'm with everyone else. I literally JUST went through the same dilemma. Had 4yob who mom was debating on leaving here for the summer or starting him with his new day home provider at the end of the school year. This boy literally drains everything out of me. Just so much energy and needs constant correcting. I kept asking myself 'could I do it for 2 more months?' 'Is it that bad?' And finally after thinking about it and listening to the ladies on the website I sucked it up and told the mom that I thought he would be better off somewhere else. She agreed and his last day is the end of June. I have such a sense of relief knowing that he will hopefully get the attention he needs somewhere else. Plus, our group will actually have more of me and I won't be so stressed out which leaves me being a better and happy mommy for my family.

[torontokids]

Thank you ladies for all your input. I guess my original post wasn't entirely clear. I gave notice for the end of June already (he will NOT be spending his summer with me) my question is whether or not I can continue this for those 2 months. I know it's not that long of a time but I feel I am done. The family may pull their 3 y o from me if I do but who is to say they won't anyways?

[sunnydays]

I recently went through something similar. I had a child who was supposed to leave at the end of May as his mom was on mat leave. By the end of March, I felt I was at my breaking point and although I thought I could make it through those last two months, I decided there was no way I could make it and I terminated. It was awful, but my life is so much less stressful now! It is easy to SAY, it's only two months, but the reality can feel quite different when every day feels like an eternity! Do what you feel you must for your own sanity. They would do the same.