WHOA!!!!! - disrespect or too sensitive?

[PattyCake]

when addressing an issue with a parent again (a terrible screaming issue that has been persisting for over 2 months now).....the response I get is "well *sigh* it is what it is...." PERIOD.END.WALKS AWAY.....nothing more. I'm getting no where with this....the screaming is totally disruptive to my other kids, and now I feel like I was just totally disrespected by their parent.....am I being too sensitive? or does anyone else think this parents lack of concern is totally normal and acceptable?

[Momof4]

My rule from the interview onward is that the parents work WITH me or it won't work. I believe that consistency at home and at daycare is the only thing that works and we must have similar rules for the child so they learn good behaviour. If I scare people away at the interview because I tell them this, well, good, I don't want them here and I don't want out of control children in the daycare. I want happy, well-behaved, good mannered children at my daycare. That way I'm always happy and the children are alway having fun and laughing.

If you have one child in the daycare who brings everybody else down and the parents have no intention of helping their child learn to be a really good human being for the rest of their life, forget it. You have to terminate this family or make them understand that they must help for their child's sake, not just for you.

[mimi]

I expect any issue I might bring up regarding a dck should be treated with the same respect I present the concern with. You were disrespected and then expected to just deal with the situation.
You said you have addressed this before. Was the response similar? If yes, I would terminiate due to lack of parental participation in discussing and finding a solution for the behaviour.
Nothing with children is "it is what it is" There is always a reason, reasonable or not for why a child acts out. It is too bad the parents aren't trying to deal with the problem for their child's and your sake.
If you feel like attempting a discussion again, I would mention that a talk is necessary and that if they leave again before your concerns are heard, you will have to give them notice.

[playfelt]

Kinda think the being too sensitive part is on the part of the provider in this case. The parent may or may not have shown disrespect in how they worded it or the tone of voice they used but the reality is "it is what it is". Child is screaming at daycare - exactly what do you expect the parents to do about it. This is something you and the child need to work though at daycare. Set some rules and be consistent - she screams she goes to her bed every time.

Are the parents contributing to the problem by over indulging the child at home and catering, not putting down, etc. maybe but them not picking up so much is only going to help so much. Child will learn the rules at your house and how to behave within them.

What the parent is really saying is the ball is in your court not theirs. If you can not handle the screaming and it is too disruptive then you need to terminate care. If you can work through it somehow then do it. But whining to the parents constantly - and sorry but when we complain about the same thing over and over it comes across like that - the parent is in effect tuning you out just as we would do the same with a complaining toddler.

If you can come up with something specific that parents could do or not do or be able to ask them specific questions about how do you handle it when then there is room for discussion. But just saying oh she cried again today and parent says ok and goes which is what it sounds like is happening now isn't helpful.

[PattyCake]

Kinda think the being too sensitive part is on the part of the provider in this case. The parent may or may not have shown disrespect in how they worded it or the tone of voice they used but the reality is "it is what it is". Child is screaming at daycare - exactly what do you expect the parents to do about it. This is something you and the child need to work though at daycare. Set some rules and be consistent - she screams she goes to her bed every time.

Are the parents contributing to the problem by over indulging the child at home and catering, not putting down, etc. maybe but them not picking up so much is only going to help so much. Child will learn the rules at your house and how to behave within them.

What the parent is really saying is the ball is in your court not theirs. If you can not handle the screaming and it is too disruptive then you need to terminate care. If you can work through it somehow then do it. But whining to the parents constantly - and sorry but when we complain about the same thing over and over it comes across like that - the parent is in effect tuning you out just as we would do the same with a complaining toddler.

If you can come up with something specific that parents could do or not do or be able to ask them specific questions about how do you handle it when then there is room for discussion. But just saying oh she cried again today and parent says ok and goes which is what it sounds like is happening now isn't helpful.

Thanks for your input Playfelt.... unfortunately this behaviour is also happening at home and I feel that my continued efforts to try and curb the screaming at daycare is not mirrored at home. There is clearly a lack of discipline there. Yes there is definitely a communication breakdown between me as a provider and the parents, however that said, I still feel like I deserve something more then just "it is what it is" and walk away. Due to the intensity of the screaming and numerous complaints from neighbours and other dc parents, I've had to give them notice of termination.... I feel that I have been consistent with efforts on my part to try curb the screaming, but because it is now disrupting my other dckids to the point where they are acting out against the behaviour, I have had no other choice.

[Robyn]

TERMINATE!!!!! I didn't I ended up putting up with it for 7 months then they decided to change daycares for some false reason. It is the worse decision I ever made keeping that child I will NEVER keep a screaming baby/child again. I make sure that all my "new" families know that I will not tolerate endless screaming after 2 weeks. PERIOD.

[Judy Trickett]

My rule from the interview onward is that the parents work WITH me or it won't work. .

Yep, I agree. I terminate screamers whose parents are not on board with fixing things. Besides, TWO MONTHS is far too long to have to listen to a kid scream. It's unfair to you and the other kids you have a duty to provide a calm environment to. I would terminate that kid. NOT worth your sanity.

[Momof4]

Pattycake, I still think the answer from the parent was very disrespectful and sounds as if she's brushing you off. I hope you can talk to her seriously about solving the problem or make her understand that you are giving her a warning that things MUST change. Good luck to you. Only you know when you have reached the end of your rope and termination has to happen.

[PattyCake]

UPDATE!!!

So I gave the family a very generous 4 weeks notice to find alternative care for their kids. It seems that they just aren't interested in trying to change anything, or work with me....They are somewhat of absentee parents in my opinion ie: they drop thier kids off at daycare 6:55am-6:00pm then they are in bed by 7:00pm, and from just chatting with them they seem to be with babysitters on the weekends A LOT! ....they don't seem to spend any time with them and it's rather heartbreaking to me. (but I'm the type that wants to spend 24/7 with my kids so maybe I just don't understand them...) anyways, now that I've given them notice I feel WAY better knowing that there is an end in site! the screaming and tantrums have not subsided, but I'm able to get through the days better now knowing that it will all be over soon!

[Momof4]

Aw Pattycake, I know that was hard for you to do but you are not going to get these parents to change. They sound very selfish. Why do people like that have children? Very, sad. But you have to take care of yourself. Good luck finding a better family and you learned a lot about more questions that you can ask during interviews to make sure you sign on good families.