1 child always being left out...

[playfelt]

When there is such an obvious gap in ability it isn't always possible to have whole group activities nor is it healthy for everyone. Yes there are things they can do that can include eveyone but each age group also deserves to do things that challenge them and have the right to do it without interruption from the babies etc. The child is the diva princess of the castle at home would be my guess and she needs to learn that to have a friend one needs to act like a friend. Then work on what that means, not taking toys, asking to join in not demanding, sharing, taking turns etc. Let her play on her own if she abuses the group privileges and don't feel guilty about it. It will take a certain amount of isolation for her to realize she is bored, sad, alone, etc. When she is ready to change then you can help her. When the big kids are gone the play level will return to a more even playing field it sounds like. Try to set up duplicates of some things so they can be doing the same thing but in different nearby areas so two bins of dolls, dishes, etc in case you need to quickly separate them and don't know who to take away from the centre - means they can both play in the centre just on opposite sides of a shelf or table or something with their own stuff - parallel play vice cooperative play which is really the stage she is still at.

[lilac]

She for sure does get left out a lot by the other kids, but I think that wouldnt happen so much if she was able to play more nicely with them.

As for things we do as a group, we do lots of crafts, Its hard to get something interesting for a 3.5 yo and a 7 yo, of course she wants to do the same crafts as the older kids (and why wouldnt she?) so she does, a lot of the time i help her but usually she does the craft in her own way and is always quite pleased with it... she never seems frustrated with the crafts that we do.

We play some board games,(I specifically started doing this more so she can learn turn taking) but when we play things like Candyland or Alphabet Bingo, which is geared for her age, she still is more interested in hoarding up all the pieces and cards for herself.

Ive started doing simple backyard science experiments with the group... she seems to enjoy it and participate...

Dress up, playdough,etc .. all stuff I think that there is opportunity for them to play together or on their own if they choose, but still... she wants exactly what the other kids are useing at the moment (a dress, the same playdough tool as anotherchild)

Sand box.... demos anything anyone else built, like it was put there for her to demolish purely for her enjoyment.... even if they are digging a hole, she'll go plop herself right in the middle of it and look at them smiling while ignoring their requests that she move.

I've worked hard at getting the older kids to ask her nicely instead of just yell at her and they have seemed to have grasped it. Although they do still just yell at her at times. I"ve also tried very hard to get her to understand taking turns, playing nicely with the other kids, and listening to what they are saying ie if they ask you to stop doing something, then please stop doing it. But she either doesnt get it, or chooses not to (I suspect that its the latter). And let me tell you, she has NO problem what so ever telling them if they are doing something she doesnt like!!

She is an absolutly beautiful, innocent looking, adorable child. Big melt your heart brown eyes, ringlette strawberry blond hair! If she pouts or cries it breaks your heart like that! Her mum described her as sweet in nature. And at first this is what I saw, however, the more time I spent quietly watching her interact w/ the other kids (trying to figure out why they seemed to not like her) I noticed that she has this streak in her, she knows full well shes bothering someone, yet she persists despite any protest, all the while looking at them, watching them with her giant brown eyes, smiling and seemingly enjoying the ruckus. When I intervene... she still has the sweet smile on her face and speaks to me in a tiny little sweetie pie voice.

Anyhow, now that I've gone on and on...again... maybe I should think about trying to fill her spot.... I suppose I should gently bring up some of the issues to mom in the meantime so she's not totally shocked if I do decided to replace her. Maybe if she knows whats going on she'll put in some effort as well to help resolve the problem? Can always hope right? Thank you ladies for your input!

[lilac]

1 more question... do you think this is typical of a 3.5 yo? I dont, my kids were not like this and the other 3 yo I have looked after in teh past was definatly not like this but she came from a daycare where she was the youngest, she also has 2 older sisters.... Did I just get lucky? I need a full time child, but one that isnt a baby, so 3ish is the ideal age... but am I swapping 1 child for another for all the same difficulties