Parents who let kids act crazy

[busydaycarelady]

I have a set of siblings - 5 year old boy & 3.5 year old girl. The girl has recently begun throwing massive fits when she does not get her way. Mom has started caving every single time. For instance, girl dumped moms purse on floor, then threw moms keys down the stairs and when mom meekly said 'please don't kid screams and cries so mom says 'why don't we go to the Disney Store after work and I will buy you the doll you wanted'. Kid stops crying of course and mom picks up her things. Doesn't tell kid to help or tell her pick up her mess by herself.

Yesterday, as mom talks to me at drop off, girl starts slamming screen door. I ask kid to stop but since mom is there she doesn't listen. Mom says nothing. Girl slams finger in door and blames her brither(who did nothing). Mom
Orders brother to apologize to sister?!

She makes a huge scene every drop off of saying how much she loves and will miss girl while she's at work. It drags on and on til girl cries and wants to stay with mommy. Then mom hugs girl a d keeps saying ' poor baby. It's okay. Etc...'

I try saying things like 'say bye to mom and come eat breakfast/play this game/join in this activity '

Why are people so ridiculous?

[2cuteboys]

Why don't we go to the Disney store after work? Wow... Just wow. This little girl is going to be a nightmare when she gets older.

I don't have any advice for you, other than to stand your ground when she's with you so she at least knows that she can't act like that for you. But I do feel for you! How frustrating!

[mimi]

A nightmare when she gets older? I think the nightmare has begun

I would tell Mom that under the circumstances, drop offs and pick ups must be quick. Mom is obviously not in control, and if you don't want to continue the dramas, then you must take control.

Pleasantly, but firmly, tell Mom that this misbehaviour is not appropriate for your daycare or the children that witness it and let her know your new rules for drop off/pick up.

[sunnydays]

Honestly, I am not sure I could keep that child in my care unless by some chance, she behaves well for you all day. If she behaves well for you, I would have her ready and hand her off at the door with a quick goodbye. I would also tell the mom that this kind of behaviour can't happen in your home as other kids are watching and leanring. If mom's lack of parenting is affecting the child during the day...I would terminate. This is insane!

[treeholm]

I would not be able to keep a child in my care who was learning to throw a tantrum to get her way at that age. The mother and I would be philosophically so opposed, that I'm sure she would terminate me anyway LOL! In my house, my rules, so if the child slammed the screen door she'd be in timeout even if her Mom was here.

[Momof4]

Omigod! That Mom needs some assertiveness & parenting training. I hope the children behave all day for you and follow all your rules. If so, then getting them in and out and getting the Mom gone as fast as possible is your best bet. Good luck!

[Michelyn]

I wonder how the mom is feeling about these pick ups and drop offs. Perhaps she feels as though her hands are tied in disciplining in front of you for fear of what you may think and she also may be feeling extreme guilt over leaving her children (hence the overblown goodbyes)

Maybe try asking her how she feels about these drop offs/pick ups and if she would like any help in making the transitions smoother. If she is open to your help, then I would try gently suggesting a quick drop off routine - maybe one hug and two kisses. Reassure mom that her daughter knows how much she is loved and that mom is doing a great job.

At pick up - maybe prepare the daughter ahead of mom's arrival. Tell her your own expectations of behaviour and repeat these expectations in front of mom. If the child misbehaves, reassure mom that she can handle it and then excuse yourself to another part of the home.

It sounds as though mom needs some empowerment. As a team, I'm sure the two of you can work together...