Parents Concerned Toddler Doesn't Like It Here

[Sandbox Sally]

New DCG is 2.5. She started two weeks ago today. She's been here 9 times, as she's 2 days one week, 5 days the next. I was just texting with her mom about our calendar, and she asked how DCG was doing today. Her mom said that the dad said that DCG doesn't like it here. He told the mom that DCG was crying at drop off.



I don't remember her crying. She might have clung to her dad a little, but it was her first full week here, and she was being dropped off pretty early.

I feel nervous that they're going to pull her, and a little bit sad that the father feels she doesn't like coming to me. I feel like it's a bit early to make that call. Isn't it? I mean, she's verbal, but it's NEW. If she says she's not liking it here, isn't it only because it's a change? She was at a centre before me, and they had to leave due to early hours.

I also don't like that the dad was acting all nice to me, but then told the mom that DCG doesn't like coming here. I don't know. Am I being sensitive? Or is dad jumping the gun?

[sunnydays]

It is way too early to be saying she doesn't like coming to your house! It is a big adjustment and it sounds like she is doing quite well. I have a 2 year old who started with me 7 weeks ago and she is still having a hard time and clings to her mom every morning...she knows and I know that it isn't because she doesn't like me or the things we do..she is just not used to being here as opposed to at home. Maybe you could have a chat with the parents about the normal process of adjustment and that it takes kids time to feel secure in their new environment.

[mimi]

I would confidently tell them that dcg is just going through the adjustment of coming to daycare. I would then make some positive comments about the things she is adjusting to well and how she is enjoying her new friends. I would state not wanting a parent to go does not indicate she doesn't want to be with you. She is just letting parent know she will miss them.
Speak confidently, give good eye contact and smile to show you know what you are talking about. If they sense you are nervous about this, they may take the indication they are right.

[jammiesandtea]

I agree with the previous ladies. Something else that might help, in addition to chatting with the parents about the adjustment process, is to take a few pictures throughout the day when DCG is having fun, and send them to mom and dad at nap-time. Seeing proof of her smiling and enjoying her day should ease their minds and help to reinforce that the tears and clinging to dad are just part of the adjustment process.

[Momof4]

Do these parents let their 2 year old child make all the decisions? Holy crap they need to take some control and tell their daughter that she should get used to your daycare because this is her reality now and it's going to be great. Good luck with the transition but if these parents let their daughter run them ragged then you may be better off without them.

[Sandbox Sally]

I have a private facebook group, and the mom has seen many, many pictures of dcg having a blast at my house in the past couple of weeks. I don't know what's going on, but we (mom and I) had a talk last night, and she said that she's very happy with our situation, and that her daughter appears to be adjusting well in her opinion.

I am hoping that the father will address any issues he might have with me next week, when he has his custody week. I am feeling kind of leery of seeing him again now though, knowing he's not satisfied with my daycare in some way. I am very open and would be more than happy to discuss any misgivings. The mom seems to think that he's just being difficult for the sake of it, because they don't get along.

[mimi]

Oh ok, now there is a different "marriage issues" component to this. I would just be smiles and pleasant to dad and take a step back as it seems what wifey likes, hubby is going to try to find reasons not to. Real mature.

[playfelt]

I would assume that the issues are not about your daycare but about the dad feeling like he has no control in the process and may be eliciting the info he wants to hear from his child by what he says to her.

Make sure that you treat each parent equally. While some things have to be on the same page make sure you speak to each one, give them copies of newsletters, daily reports whatever you do that they do not have to share with the other parent. The dad needs to be made to feel that he matters and can have some say in things and the whole daycare issue has not been railroaded onto him - he needs to feel that it isn't a case of you and mom against him. How" friendly" you are to him - being professional of course may help ease the situation. If it doesn't then there may be something else you need to address. Even what you have said so far has all been about you and the mom talking and really it has been behind his back as compared to the three of you so he may well feel that you are not on his side at all and if custody issues are coming up then he needs to know that you are neutral and care only about the best interests of the child.