A daycare family BBQ??? What to do?

[mimi]

The first thought that comes to mind is the chats and comparing of daycare notes that will occur especially if you are not there. While I would not like to mix business with my personal time, you may want to look at this as a business event and approach your interaction and demenour that way.
This could be a way of promoting continued good will as a decline of the invitation to a group daycare event - even though you are not the one hosting - might be seen as a snub no matter what your excuse would be for not going.
You can go, you don't have to stay long and have a chat with everyone. This way if a snub feeling did occur with your absence, and lets face it, in a group, someone is going to feel that way and express it at least by showing up for awhile you can nip that in the bud.