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  1. #1
    Euphoric !
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    A daycare family BBQ??? What to do?

    So my one daycare family was super eager to host a BBQ for all the daycare families to get to know them etc, super sweet right? Well I am invited as well. I want to decline, from a business perspective it doesn't make sense to attend a social gathering of this nature. I am a bit torn though because I know the family would like me to attend and may be hurt if I decline. Also, the reality is when you are running a daycare and have your own young children, these kids are my kids friends. They are my kids only friends really as none of my friends/husbands friends have kids yet. So on one hand it would be nice to attend as I know my kids would have fun etc but I know it doesn't make sense from a business sense.

    How do I get out of this?? They are holding it just before daycare closing hours on a Friday and live around the corner from me.

  2. #2
    Expansive... Judy Trickett's Avatar
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    Oh, that would really bother me - NOT that I got invited (although I would also decline. I don't attend social gatherings with clients) but that a dcparent went and screwed around in my BUSINESS. It is really not the place of a dcparent to invite all the other dcparents. How did they get their info, anyway?

    I would be LIVID if a dcparent did something like this. I make it a point to NOT have social ties amongst dcparents. Daycare is such a fluid business with kids coming and going all the time that I don't want parents hanging out together. It makes them think (wrongly) that they have a united front and a collective "vote" as to what goes on in my business. This sort of thing can only breed trouble.

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  4. #3
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    I was thinking the same thing, Judy. This would really bother me as well... and I also would not like to be in attendance.

  5. #4
    Euphoric ! Dreamalittledream's Avatar
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    I really don't see how you could do anything but graciously accept in this case? I would put some cool fruit kabobs together, perhaps a little gift (sidewalk chalk/bubbles?) for each child and put your best smile on for an hour or so. If these children are your children's only friends (as is the case with my own 3 year old son) do you plan to include them in your child's birthday parties? So tough to cross the line, huh?
    Children are great imitators.
    So give them something great to imitate.

    ~Anonymous~

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  7. #5
    Expansive... Artsand crafts's Avatar
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    I feel for you. I would not like to be in your shoes. I would find any excuse for not attending. When I send emails to my parents I make sure their email addresses are hidden so they cannot contact each other. Maybe a couple of parents will bump into each other during pick up time. Saying hi to each other is the most interaction they have sometimes.

  8. #6
    Euphoric !
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    I agreed to send the email (I always blind cc) as I thought it was a nice gesture. I had thought about hosting one myself actually as I thought it would be fun. I thought better of it when I realized the conflict of interest.

    Just to add some additional info

    1) The parent asked me first about the BBQ. All my parents are wonderful, respect me, my family, my policies/contract and I know appreciate me. Plus I actually am lucky enough to "like" all my families as well. I have set my dc up as a business first and foremost and all parents understand this.

    2) I think the family's intentions are pure and they are just looking to make connections in a city where this is hard to do so.

    3) I am not sure about the birthday party question. That is a good question! I think though we will just have family parties until they are at least 5 anyways so this will be avoided on my own. If my kids are invited, they will probably go. I wouldn't go and hang out though, just drop my kids and go.

  9. #7
    Euphoric !
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    Would other parents with young kids like to weigh in? WWYD?

  10. #8
    Starting to feel at home...
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    I would go! But I have a different approach than most daycare providers in that I am okay with creating personal ties through my daycare. We live in a rural area and I have always had my own kids in the daycare so we have been to lots of DC kids birthdays and playdates too. I guess from the sound of it that I have been lucky to like and respect all the parents I work with (even if I do question their parenting at times!)
    If I didn't have my own kids in my daycare then I probably wouldn't go. Or be invited either I guess

  11. #9
    Euphoric ! Sandbox Sally's Avatar
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    I have recently crossed business with pleasure and have been bitten in the butt. I began receiving texts and invitations from the parents as if we were friends, and I am totally uncomfortable with this (I also started getting flirty texts from the husband, and it almost turned into a huge deal). The parents have also been sending dcb over on the weekends and it now feels like I am working seven days a week.

    I strongly discourage giving daycare parents any kind of idea that you're friends. So much can go wrong.

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  13. #10
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    Well ... it is a tough one. I have young kids as well and the daycare friends are also their only friends. Now I have done outings with parents as part of the daycare activities. (Only twice). It worked out well. My families are also very respectful and I like them all a lot. I could see myself keeping them as friends. However while I have business with them I like to keep our relationship as such as much as possible. I have never invited the DCK to my own kids birthday parties but if I were invited ... HUMM ... I think I would still go. I would keep the visit short and keep my distance a bit. You know ... Not get too chatty or friendly and keep it about the kids.

    Although I see others point of view if your parents are like my parents I would not see it as a scheme or anything other than what it was meant to be. It does put me in a bad spot but I do not think the parents would have realised it. I run my business with a lot of professionalism but I also put my heart in too it because that's how I chose to do it. So I would be also happy to have been invited and if this outing brought any bad situations then I would also be ready and prepared to deal with the consequences and do what needs to be done.

    So my advice is do what YOU feel is BEST and whatever decision you make, prepare yourself to deal with the consequences.

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