Need some help please! *LONG post*

[JennJubie]

My son has ADHD, ODD, and Asperger's. I know there are valid, behavioural reasons why he acts out, loses his temper... etc. That being said, he still does NOT get away with inappropriate behaviour. He is still disciplined in some way, there are consequences for poor behaviour. Just because I know my son has these issues does not give me an excuse to let him get away with his behaviour without consequences of some kind, it only allows me to understand why the behaviour is happening.

I have always said that the world will not adapt to my son, he must adapt to the world. This is true for ANY child.

[daycarewhisperer]

Op you need to hear some truth so I'm going to join the majority here and tell you that you are in for a long long ride and it's going to be very bumpy. You are adultizing your little kids emotions and stroking her unstable mindset. You are making a big emotional mama love deal over terrible disrespectful behavior and suggesting that she's so special special that she defies a normal human response by not being receptive to something she doesn't like or want do thus she's immune to needing something she just doesn't want. She's THAT unique. She's the ONE who must have a big song and dance dog and pony show because the hard NO with an immediate consequence is just not to her liking. Be damned whoever comes in between you servicing her special even if that someone is another child.

Knock it off and get real. If you have done ten years with other people's kids you should know better.

You can try to get her to be decent with the other kids and mind your wishes with lots of scenic road paths but in the end you will have what you have now: a badly behaving kid who can't take no and mind the adults.

Grow some and take her on. I promise you will be the ONLY person on the planet who will cry over her dislike of consequences. Once she steps foot into the real world she will not get that response. She will get the response the other kids are giving her now. They are giving you the real truth. You don't need us.

[daycarewhisperer]

i'm not saying she can't understand, i'm just not willing to wrestle her into a timeout at 2 years old. in my opinion, and what do i know other than my own kid, she is too young. i appreciate and love the suggestions of games for sharing, the hula hoop idea is awesome and will be implemented, and i love the 'if you're mad and you know it take a deep breath' song, but it is just not my parenting style to crack down on my 2 year old who may become a hardened criminal if i'm not careful?!? she is 2 and is learning to deal with a lot - sharing her whole home, all her toys and her mama ALL day. this is her space in the morning, in the evening and all weekend. yes, it is a daycare, it is a business, i get that. and the idea of more structure in that direction is a good one. i'm not trying to get around that. but to detach my feeling from my 2 year old?? i'm baffled to be honest...

Somehow you have made your kids disrespect, disobedience, and physical acting out about YOUR feelings. Can you see that?

My Dad was raised in a small 800 square foot total two level house with his parents and 10 kids. They were one right after another in age. I grew up with 8 people was a tiny bit bigger. I had five siblings under his roof. We ALL had to share that tiny space day after day.... year after year. There was no evenings or weekends when we git our own space, stuff, and adult. We lived that.

Surely your one very small child can manage two very close agemates fir 50 hours a week whilst she has all the other hours as the only child in the entire house space. Her "sacrifice" for the family to do time with same aged girls with her own parent in her own home is quite minimal and very inconsequential in the scheme of normal human beings cohabiting and making it work with great behavior. You are really asking pprecious little out of her and she should be gladly willing to behave and make them welcome in her PARENTS home.